Hey guys, long time listener first time poster.
My (36,F) husband (36,M) got a random text from our neighbor (22,M) lets call him Steve, saying “you are so fine, your eyes are so beautiful. If you were single I’d go after you”
Mind you, my husband is straight and has never shown any thing other. Steve has been to dinner with us, we’ve gone on hikes (just him and I, and as a family), he’s been in our home for game nights, he’s been to church with us, our 5 year old daughter calls him uncle etc.
We view him as a little sibling and try to give him advice with his love life and education/career path, he always messaged us in group text never really individual text because boundaries and what not.
Anyways, my husband immediately put a stop to it and told him that is inappropriate to message that, gay or straight, he is a happily married man and he shouldn’t be sending those types of messages.
He responded with “sorry I offended you, I meant it as a compliment. That’s why I said IF you were single”
I can’t lie, I’m so hurt and disappointed. I feel disrespected. He once told me he goes after straight married men and I kinda stepped back on our friendship because that isn’t something I want in my friends. but he put in the work to be part of our life for the past 3 years so I felt that I was safe as a friend he wouldn’t try that with my husband. But oh man was I wrong.
I was so angry when my husband showed me the messages, I waited to message him because I didn’t want to respond with anger.
I ended up texting him “Hello STEVE. Last night I was extremely angry and thought about writing you a long message about your text to (my husband), but I prayed about it, slept on it and just decided to tell you that your message to my husband was inappropriate, regardless of your intention. Our friendship is done, however, I do wish you the best and will continue to pray for you. and I hope you see how your actions make others feel.”
I don’t really know what I want from posting this, I guess I just needed to vent because I’m still so angry about it.
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Backup of the post’s body: Hey guys, long time listener first time poster.
My (36,F) husband (36,M) got a random text from our neighbor (22,M) lets call him Steve, saying “you are so fine, your eyes are so beautiful. If you were single I’d go after you”
>Mind you, my husband is straight and has never shown any thing other. Steve has been to dinner with us, we’ve gone on hikes (just him and I, and as a family), he’s been in our home for game nights, he’s been to church with us, our 5 year old daughter calls him uncle etc.
>We view him as a little sibling and try to give him advice with his love life and education/career path, he always messaged us in group text never really individual text because boundaries and what not.
Anyways, my husband immediately put a stop to it and told him that is inappropriate to message that, gay or straight, he is a happily married man and he shouldn’t be sending those types of messages.
He responded with “sorry I offended you, I meant it as a compliment. That’s why I said IF you were single”
I can’t lie, I’m so hurt and disappointed. I feel disrespected. He once told me he goes after straight married men and I kinda stepped back on our friendship because that isn’t something I want in my friends. but he put in the work to be part of our life for the past 3 years so I felt that I was safe as a friend he wouldn’t try that with my husband. But oh man was I wrong.
I was so angry when my husband showed me the messages, I waited to message him because I didn’t want to respond with anger.
>I ended up texting him “Hello STEVE. Last night I was extremely angry and thought about writing you a long message about your text to (my husband), but I prayed about it, slept on it and just decided to tell you that your message to my husband was inappropriate, regardless of your intention. Our friendship is done, however, I do wish you the best and will continue to pray for you. and I hope you see how your actions make others feel.”
I don’t really know what I want from posting this, I guess I just needed to vent because I’m still so angry about it.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Your reaction is completely understandable and in many ways warranted, I just wonder if it might be disruptive long term. He obviously crossed a huge red line, and he’s also basically a kid. Would I suggest some form of reconciliation is possible or even recommended? Not really – would not expect a 22 year old to wisen up that quickly. But maybe a stern IRL chat establishing clear boundaries and a sense that look we’ll be polite neighbors, but until you realize that this is well beyond offense and is just wrong, this won’t work, would make it less awkward (benefit for you and husband) and help him internalize the mistake and learn from it (his benefit). But remember – you owe him nothing. It’s your choice.
From what I’ve come to understand from my gay guy friends, dating in their world has much less boundaries and is far more chaotic. But obviously testing that with your husband is… beyond stupid.
Anyways, so sorry you’re dealing with this and hope you feel better soon. Fingers crossed it doesn’t get worse
That is SO disappointing and it makes total sense to end the friendship. Kudos for being brief and to the point in your text and I love the capital STEVE!
I have no idea what he gets from running after unavailable people (what is he trying to prove here?!) but he’s clearly messy and a mess. Even if 22 is young , he’s not a child and should think really really hard about the consequences of his actions.
… and he needs therapy more than he probably wants to admit. Hitting on your straight neighbor, who is your friend, whose wife is your friend, whose children you’re close to and then saying “but I said IF you were single”… oufff so immature and there is a lot to unpack there (for him!)