My husband has a peculiar way of pranking that i dont find funny at all.
Basically if there is somthing I especially like he will first ask if want it. I will get all excited then after few mins he will just deny it giving excuses as to why that thing is not good for you and then laughs. I find this extremely annoying. He recently pulled this shit with my mother. She loves one particular ice cream that is not available everywhere. It takes 15 mins drive. My brother usually got it for her but now that he is abroad its not possible and my father works long hours so he comes home late. And my mom cant drive. Basically she is not able to enjoy it often.So my husband goes upto my mom and asks if she would like to have that ice cream. She got all excited but then few mins later my husband laughs and says ice cream is not good for health so he wont get it and he went back to doing something else. Now, My mom got irritated then I got irritated and then later on when i asked him to stop pulling shit like that as no one finds it funny and is sometimes hurtful he got mad saying he cant change his entire personality. And that my family is his family too so he does not always have to be so formal around them. This led to a huge fight and i said few things im not proud of and now i am regretting my words . Should i have asked my mom to let it go? Am i being too uptight? Do people joke like that? Aita?
P.S he is an amazing husband and father and is always kind and supportive. But this one thing irritates me to no end.
Comments
NTA. So he’s kind and supportive until he intentionally hurts someone to have a laugh? Does that sound about right?
Husband is just being an AH. This isn’t a prank, this is him enjoying inflicting pain on other people.
YNTA. But now you know his game (stupid as it is), don’t fall for it. Just say no thanks whenever he asks if you want something. No matter what he offers, say no. He’ll stop when he doesn’t get the response he wants.
I don’t see how he can find this funny when he is aware it is upsetting those he apparently cares about. He literally builds you up because he enjoys tearing it all down again. Go get ice cream with your mum and leave him to play his silly games on his own.
Asking him to not do something rude and ignorant is not asking him to “change his entire personality”. NTA and your husband needs to grow the fuck up. Intentionally toying with someone’s emotions and setting them up to intentionally disappoint them is an AH move.
He’s sadistic. Also, why do I have a feeling he has NEVER “joked” with a man this way?
You know his game, so refuse to play. Say no every time and maybe he’ll get the hint. He’s really being a dick tho.
Once…
This is lying, not pranking.
your husband is not funny, and not nice.
Start saying no to everything. I would also do the same thing, but just a few times. Like, would you like to have sex tonight, and after a few minutes, just laugh and tell him you’re just kidding. There will be no sex for him
That’s so mean
Sorry it does not sound kind or supportive… you also posted that he will call his Dad while out for dinner with you cause he is worried that he’ll forget later. His reaction and dismissal of your feelings is also not kind or supportive.
Does he often struggle with understanding social nuances and the impact his actions has on others? How will you feel watching him treat your children like this?
Is he neurodivergent?
He doesn’t come across as kind or supportive. He comes across as TAH.
>P.S he is an amazing husband and father and is always kind and supportive.
No he’s not. He’s an AH.
I’m willing to accept that humor can vary broadly. But in order for it to be humor, and not bullying, it has to be shared. And sometimes we do something that we think is going to be shared humor, and ends up not being shared. The proper thing to do, if you actually care about the other people, is to apologize and stop doing it. Because you do, in fact, care about the other people and don’t want them to feel shitty. This is why the whole “it’s just a joke” response is a bigger tell that someone is an AH than the original “joke”.
>he got mad saying he cant change his entire personality.
So he’s admitting that his entire personality is being an asshole. Okay.
Asking him to stop doing something that he is doing intentionally to hurt you is not you asking him to change his whole personality. Absolutely NTA, does he do these “pranks” with male family members or people he might be intimidated by?
Don’t even play into it… you know the drill so when he starts with the nonsense, let him know you won’t be playing that game.
“Pranking” isn’t funny. It’s socially acceptable psychological torture. Its only redeeming feature is that it casts light on bullies’ true natures.
Is this a new behavior or something you knew about & thought it would change?
Joking around or “just kidding” with family and friends only works when both parties are laughing in the end.
When only one party is laughing, and the other party is hurt, well that’s just called being cruel.
Your husband is being cruel, and it seems he is also claiming that “being cruel” is just part of his personality.
He might want to work on that, or he could carry on being cruel at the expense of you and your family.
Best of luck.
He’s a bully. Turn the tables
Pranking is childish and the lowest form of humor. Set clear boundaries with his ass
This may be above your pay grade, in which case you may need to hire a professional prankster to determine how much his personality can actually change. NTA
NTA, if his entire personality revolves around mean and unfunny “pranks”, he has a shit personality.
Is he saying that this stupid unfunny joke is his entire personality? What a sad existence. Nta it’s not funny it’s just rude.
Nta. I think, you should be more persuasive, like: “ok, but you’re still gonna get it, right? No? Why not? Yeah, that doesn’t bother me, so, please, go get it”.
If he can’t “ change his entire personality” by not being a dick then he’s going to be very lonely. Because no one like being around mean AHs like that. He’s not funny and if he thinks that’s ok it’s very hard to believe he’s an amazing anything.
NTA. That’s just mean. That’s not a joke.
NTA. Pranking is childish and asshole behavior. Your husband is an immature asshole, especially for “pranking’ people in this way. You’re not asking him to change his personality. His personality doesn’t dictate that he constantly bait and switch people just to get a laugh. He’s honestly approaching bully behavior with this.
You should not have asked your mom to let it go. You shouldn’t let it go either. He’s going to keep doing this until it’s been made clear that it is unacceptable behavior.
Edited to add: Maybe you should turn the tables. find something he likes for you to do. Maybe it’s sex. Offer it often, but refuse to literally very do it again. See how funny he thinks that is.
This isn’t a prank, nor a joke nor funny, is bullying. Stop engaging with it.
NTA – These “pranks” are unfunny and mean. If giving up on these pranks would amount to changing his entire personality… that is quite sad.
Pull that prank on him. Let him experience how it feels.
You: Honey, you know that favorite dish of yours? The one you said made you know I was the one for you because I learned how to make it? Wouldn’t you just love it if my mom learned how to make it too? Can’t you just taste it? Mmmmm.
You (after his mouth is watering & his stomach is growling): It’s high in cholesterol and gives you nasty gas.. Not making it? Hahahahah
NTA
“Hey husband, y’know how you used to enjoy getting blowjobs..?”
So his personality is being a dick? NTA. Next time he does this, just go get the item yourself or for your mom.
He’s not kind and supportive. Like at all.
Read that whole post to yourself and then ask yourself how he’s kind and supportive?
He’s an asshole and he sucks. Good lord.
He really sounds horrible
NTA. This behavior is narcissistic in nature. When you want something they try to make you beg for it.
Show him all the responses to this post. If he’s as good of a guy as you say, it should motivate hime to change. He’s probably just ignorant to how that type of behavior looks to everyone else. Maybe he’d be embarrassed
NTA but your husband is. You should have taken the car and gone to get the ice cream for everyone but not him because it is not good for him
Time too switch the role and prank him like that, just dont let up let him see how it feels, fight fire with fire
I’m sorry, but he is not a kind and supportive person, because this behaviour is neither kind nor supportive. My DH goes out of his way (good 30 min round trip) to get my mum a particular type of bread she likes. He doesn’t tell her she shouldn’t be eating bread, he does it because he loves her and respects her, even if he’s already been to the bread shop once that day, he’ll still go.
Your DH sounds like he neither loves or respects you and that’s why he gets a kick out of this behaviour. Does he do this to his kids? Does he tell them he’s going to take them somewhere fun then laugh and say hell no?
People who are happy in themselves don’t ‘joke’ like this. NTA
He’s a really kind and supportive asshole? That takes talent.
Soo… he’s a bully.
Nta
You would not be an AH for anything you do. Pranks are only funny if EVERYONE laughs. In your husband’s case they don’t. He knows they don’t. He doesn’t care that they don’t. It upsets his victims. He doesn’t care that it upsets them, in fact that’s the whole point.
In that situation, the person isn’t a ‘prankster’ (stupid word anyway), they are an abuser, a bully. If you have told him it isn’t funny but he does it anyway, then he’s telling you that your opinions and feelings mean less than shit to him. So NTA
NTA. “saying he cant change his entire personality.” Too bad his personality is being TAH. Frankly, you are supposed to treat your friends and family better than you treat strangers. Yes, family is supposed to give you grace when you accidently mess up. They don’t have to put up with BS cruelty. I stopped making excuses for my hubby’s bad behavior and eventually made him my ex because I was tired of living with an AH.
>Basically if there is somthing I especially like he will first ask if want it. I will get all excited then after few mins he will just deny it giving excuses as to why that thing is not good for you and then laughs. I find this extremely annoying.
You find it annoying because it’s not a prank. One time might be considered a prank, but repeatedly doing this when he knows it annoys you makes this a situation where he just enjoys hurting you.
>He recently pulled this shit with my mother. She loves one particular ice cream that is not available everywhere. It takes 15 mins drive. My brother usually got it for her but now that he is abroad its not possible and my father works long hours so he comes home late. And my mom cant drive. Basically she is not able to enjoy it often.So my husband goes upto my mom and asks if she would like to have that ice cream. She got all excited but then few mins later my husband laughs and says ice cream is not good for health so he wont get it and he went back to doing something else.
So, hurting you isn’t giving him enough of a high anymore. Now he needs more, so he is hurting your mom as well. Great guy /s
>i asked him to stop pulling shit like that as no one finds it funny and is sometimes hurtful he got mad saying he cant change his entire personality.
OP. He’s showing you who he is. If hurting people is part of his personality, something is very, very wrong.
>P.S he is an amazing husband and father and is always kind and supportive.
No. No, he isn’t. The guy takes joy in causing people pain. How are you going to feel when he does this to your kids? What lesson do you think that will teach them about how to treat people?
Dude’s a bully. What a nasty dickhead.
He’s being mean because he enjoys it. That’s neither kind nor supportive.
how is this going to go when he does it to y’all’s children? he’s the AH, not you.
I don’t believe in an eye for an eye, but sometimes fighting fire with fire is the only way to get someone to understand how you feel. Choose something that he would love like tickets to his favorite sports team etc. Let him be excited about it for a few days. Then in a sarcastic voice say, “sitting down for 3 hours is not healthy so I returned the tickets” and then laugh. If you pick something like ice-cream etc. it probably won’t bother him. I know this seems cruel, but if you add up all the times he has done this, it is more cruel. He is being an AH, because he is dismissive of your feelings. Stupid little things like this can cause resentment and damage your relationship. I think he doesn’t understand how serious this is. I know you called it “annoying”, but it is worse than that. He is hurting your feelings over and over again. He needs to understand that.
Edit: My aunt used to say, it’s not a joke if no one else is laughing. It’s just mean.
Afterward insist that he apologize to your mother.
It’s not being formal to not be an asshat to someone
NTA that’s not pranking. He’s a dick.
Ask him if he wants to have sex, then tell him too bad, he’s sleeping on the couch tonight. NTA.
Ask him if he likes sex. Then laugh and say it’s not good for him.
INFO: what’s the joke?
This is supposed to be a prank… so where is the funny part? What part of this is supposed to make people laugh?
NTA – One time I’d fall for it. After that he wouldn’t get a response or a raise out of me. I then would be forced to treat him like a toddler. Which of course would mean that I was married to a man-child. That why it’s easier to go straight to a divorce. Once the divorce is final and everything settles. Call him and tell him it’s a brank bro.
Odd that he equates his entire identity as a human around this one style of “pranking.”
Like, if he stops doing this one thing, he’s going to molecularly disassemble into nonexistence?
Yikes, he’s definitely TA. I couldn’t stand that. But even more so to my mother.
Every time he asks about anything, you and your whole family should agree on a exact response, something like:
“I can’t say as I don’t know if this a real inquiry, or another boorish attempt at humor.”
I bet it won’t take too many times until he gets the point.
This is fucking mean.
Tell him you’re not asking him to change his whole personality, just stop “pranking”/ bullying in this particular way.
If that’s too much- ask him if these jokes are his “whole personality”
TBH, I’m petty if you F with my mom. I’d keep doing this to him when he least expected it for the rest of his life. If I didn’t outright divorce him. Have a hard time believing there are no other red flags for this mean man child
Your version of Very loving and kind are different than I , he is a total asshole
That’s not a prank. And it’s not funny at all. That’s stupid. Im a guy. And I’m telling you if he does that again leave his dumb ass.
NTA but your husband is an AH. Hurting people is never funny, he’s a bully. Why do you put up with this shit. If you want something get it yourself if he wants to be an ass.
NTA. Hell, I’m annoyed just having read it. I’m not fond of “prank culture” and have little tolerance for dumb shit. My first reaction is to just turn it around on him and do the same – Ask him if he wants something from the store and then be like “Hurrrrr, durrrr, it’s not good for you” *click* . But then that’s just going to start some stupid prank escalation. What is he, 12?
ehhh. that sounds like malice. ask him to stop, and if he doesn’t, there needs to be consequences for his actions.
Well, you married a guy who is an amazing husband and father, always kind and supportive, but sometimes his twisted sense of humor makes him a bit of an asshole. That is your lot in life. Your mom and your hubby can figure it out themselves, and sooner or later she will stop falling for it.
That isn’t a prank or a joke. That is cruel and mean spirited. I have doubts that he is an amazing husband if he thinks this level of doucebaggery is funny, and thinks it is his main identity.
NTA. He thinks it’s cute and it’s not. You told him it’s irritating (which it 100% is) and hurtful. People can be quirky, funny or have little personality traits. His behavior is mean and he’s acting like a dickhead!
Stand by your mother.
You can replace your Boyfriend…
>I will get all excited
There’s the problem. Next time, and every time, just tell him to stfu in a serious tone and move on.
Fool you once, shame on him. Fool you twice, shame on you.
>he got mad saying he cant change his entire personality.
sounds like a shitty person then.
NTAH. Your husband sounds like he’s using pranks to cover up the fact that he doesn’t have anything interesting going on upstairs and doesn’t actually have a personality. It’s possible to have a sense of humor without terrorizing your family.
I had a partner try to condition me that pranking and teasing was just how couples and friends interact.
Um; no.
Upright or not; overly sensitive or not, this is not aligned with how I was brought up, not how I was taught to treat people and not how I wish to be treated.
I mean maybe there are people who find constant line crossing acceptable; but I don’t and I won’t hesitate to cut someone out of my life if they can’t respect my boundaries.
That previously mentioned relationship didn’t make it past about 8 months.
These are not the actions of a “kind and supportive” person.
If the target isn’t laughing it isn’t a joke.
Why should your mother let it go? Your husband was horrible to her. If that’s how he treats his family, I hate to think how he would treat other people.
Get him really horny. Then tell him you are not in the mood.
NTA that’s not pranking, that’s a control kink. Your husband need boundaries around his fetish.
Does he do this with your children? Because that can be a serious problem.
Show him this thread.
Honestly, I don’t personally find pranks funny at all. They are lies intended to hurt feelings or scare unwitting people…Fremdschämen
Oh man, I would fuck with him so bad. I’m not even joking. I would give him the biggest helping of the dish he served. Sweet sweet revenge! 😈 Hell, get your mom in on it too.
You could just take your mom to get ice cream.
And whenever he asks if you want something, tell him you’ll get it yourself.
I’d enjoy telling him I splurged when he wasn’t around because you don’t trust him to meet your needs and wants.
“Please stop actively tormenting me and my mother by offering nice things when you don’t intend to give them to us”
“I CANT CHANGE MY ENTIRE PERSONALITY”
NTA. What a fucking tool this guy is
NTA. It’s not just mean; it’s also stupid.
wait until he does it to the children and then tell us again how great father he is 😒
Yeah, start calling him out every.single.time and when he threws a tantrum tell him “this is my personality”
NTA. People’s emotions are not his toys. You should do the same thing to him. My husband does the opposite. Pretends he couldn’t find what my mom wants but actually finds it
Get dressed up all gorgeous and sexy and ask him if he wants a good time. Then when he says yes, tell him how it’s not happening because it’s just not good for him and even laugh. Repeat until he gets the message.
He is cruel. How many other “exceptions” to his kindness are there?
Expecting kindness 100% of the time should be the least you expect. Settling for it anything less is devaluing yourself. Don’t put up with it.
He sounds like a bully
Your husband is a bullying cunt
That’s not a “prank”, it’s just being an asshole.
yeah… hon, the reason he’s so supportive and kind is so he can keep people around for his emotional sadism and torture.
It’s not funny. It’s indicative of deeper problems. Stand your ground, he MUST learn this is not acceptable.
Actually, he is not always kind and supportive. There’s nothing kind about offering to go get a treat, getting someone excited about said treat, and then laughing and saying “Nope, I was just hyping you up so I could rip the joy out of your unhealthy little heart.” It’s just flat out cruel.
Your husband is a sick AH.
Nta. What a cruel man. I’d say do it to him. Figure it out and do it publicly. Screw him.
I also used to be married to an asshole, I’m happy every day now that he’s an ex.
YTA. For painting a picture of a piece of shit, and then trying to pull the old “he’s a wonderful husband and father” crap at the end. No he’s not.
And if I’m your brother, next time I make it home first item on the agenda is kicking the shit out of your husband for pulling that with your mom
NTA and that is not kind or supportive.
From here on out, whenever he asks if you want something, ask why. If he offers to get it, tell him that you doubt that he will do it since he’s been unreliable in the past, and that you can’t trust his reliability now.
He will probably pout in some way, but keep this up. He needs to understand that being unreliable isn’t funny.
NTA.
Being mean is his “whole personality?” Have you asked him that very question? “Really husband? Being mean is your whole personality? That’s the hill on which you’re willing to die?”
I think I’d start turning the tables.
“Oooh honey, wanna get frisky?” Parade in front of him in a skimpy nighty. “Oh whoops! We can’t, I just NOW got my period, worse luck, right?”
I think once or twice of pranking him like that would have a fair shot at breaking his bad habit.
It isn’t a prank, he’s just being a dick.
NTA. Ask him why he thinks it’s funny. Don’t let him answer. And say, “To me, it feels like you get a kick out of getting my hopes up and then denying them. Why do you like that?” I don’t think anyone is attracted to that and would make me question what else he’s getting your hopes up about with plans to deny.
Start doing it to him in the most annoying obnoxious way possible until he gets it.
Being an asshole is a personality choice that he made… he absolutely can change it, or you can change husbands. His choice.
Your husband’s an asshole who’s projecting his thin-skinned fragility onto others. He thinks others should toughen up and take a joke but falls apart when he gets the slightest hint of criticism Is he really “an amazing an amazing husband and father who’s always kind and supportive,” OP? Or did you add this because you feel guilty for calling him out?
It’s nice to hear that he is a good father and husband.
That’s really nice to read.
The only problem is this little bit of cruelty that he refuses to look at. He calls it pranking. I call it cruelty.
It’s not really nasty. But it is hurtful and it does hurt his loved ones. He should look at it.
Not everything inside us is nice or kind.
Ask him if he likes sex then cut him off for a month.
If he hates you so much, why did he marry you?
I don’t find this to be a normal behavior at all. Personally I think it’s kind of cruel. I like to show people what they think is funny reflected back at themselves. It’s a good way to know if it’s “actually” a joke to him. If you flip the script offer him something and take it away (obviously use one of those can’t say no favs of his) and see how he feels. It doesn’t have to be a huge thing but kind of the only thing I can think of for him to possibly understand how that might feel. Either that or leave him tbh. I wouldn’t ever let my momma be treated that way or vise versa (my partner) but if it’s all in good fun he should be laughing at himself
“He’s an amazing husband”… No he’s not, he’s an abusive, bullying dickhead. Have some fucking standards.
You should play him back and see how he likes it. Tell him you want to have sex and make it sound like the best sex he’s ever going to have. When the time comes to get busy, move on to do something else. When he gets irritated tell him sorry that you can’t change your whole personality right now because he wants sex. Sometimes you have to show them how it feels to get them to stop stupid shit.
Maybe just say no every time he offers something. Remove his ability to “prank” you. If my partner did that to my Mum I’d be furious.
NTA
He’s not kind. And that’s not a joke or a prank – it’s just him being an A H to someone to put them down.