Earlier this week, I had an honest conversation with my husband. I told him I felt like we might not be compatible long-term—that both of us had needs going unmet. I admitted that our relationship moved very quickly; we got married fast, mostly because I got pregnant. Our son turns one in just a few days. There was no anger in that conversation, just a mutual agreement that we’d revisit it after his birthday and take time to talk things through more deeply.
Then today, he told me he had been sexting with another woman on Instagram.
He gave me a partial version of the truth—said there were no nudes, said it wasn’t serious—but I have proof otherwise. He doesn’t know that I know everything. And the truth is, I don’t really see a way back from this. I don’t feel like this is something we can rebuild from.
But here’s the complicated part:
We just signed a new lease. We have a child together. And while I don’t want to be in a romantic relationship with him anymore, I do want to be thoughtful about how we untangle our lives—for our son’s sake and our own peace.
What I’m considering is proposing a separation, while still living together and keeping up appearances (at least casually) until the lease ends. That way, we can use the time to plan and assess how to transition in a way that doesn’t turn our son’s life upside down. Nothing performative, just discreet. Presenting a united front until we can find stable ground separately.
Is this completely unhinged? Or does it make sense to handle things this way, with time and care, rather than react immediately?
Any advice or insight would mean so much. I just want to do right by my son—and myself.
Comments
When it comes to separating it becomes a business arrangement. Whatever works is great but there needs to be ground rules.
No dating while you figure this out etc. If it’s a one year lease I don’t think that’s reasonable so look at breaking it or finding someone to take it over. Not right away but “soon”.
Ripping the band aid off is easier in a lot of ways but you’re not crazy to try it your way.
Cheating is never okay and can never be excused for. I’m sorry this happened to you and to your child but the way you’ve explained, you’re clear in your mind and you’ve got it all figured out. There’s no rush in this if you know you can move on from him and halt your dating life until you get everything back on track, leaving him is probably the best decision then.
Staying will only cause you and your child more pain because if he could do it once (esp this early in the relationship) he will definitely do it again.
Good luck, you’ve got this!
I had to live with my first ex-wife while we were getting divorced. It is a very hard thing to do. You first have to have a deadline on when you or him move out. You make rules in contact with each other’s sleeping arrangements and things of this nature. We made rulesnip on dating like if a hook up from a night out with friends yu don’t come home and don’t talk about it. I didn’t date until i had my own place. Set up visitation now and really talk about it. It sounds like you guys can make a clean break and still remain friends or civil to each other.
The sooner you sit up and live in different locations, the easier it will be for you, kid. This is my advice. Good luck to you.
This is 100% AI
If both are on board this can work for sure. Just bear in mind that if you do plan on separating after the lease is up, don’t extend the lease again if it’s working out okay. Separations are easier on kids the younger they are. So if you stay for a few more years you may find yourself staying indefinitely for the sake of your child and trapped in a weird limbo
the level of maturity about “thoughtfully disentangling” and all that stuff seems at odds with drunken sex one time and got pregnant.
I’m going with fake.
Based on how you got into this situation. Yall sound very smart and im sure you’ll make a good calculated decision. But if not reddit advice is a great place to search for wisdom. I would say good luck but you dont need it.
The very first thing you should do is talk to a lawyer. There are many rules, even for separation. And you don’t want to do what do anything without knowing all the facts. Most leases can be broken, so I would not worry about that at the moment, but certainly, you should read it just to see if there are any clauses that allow you to get out. I’d also suggest the two of you go to counseling. Not necessarily to save the marriage, but two unwind it in a thoughtful and respectful way.
a/k/a a year from hell. pull off the bandaid with one quick yank. the alternative is much more painful