Hes been having an emotional affair for 6m and met up with her once to have sex. He said he loves me and I’m beautiful but he’s not sexually attracted to me. After I gave birth hes been watching a lot of porn and thinks it messes up his expectations of sex. He said he tried stopping porn before for a week but after we have sex, he would want more. And there were a few instances where after we have sex, I would leave to care for baby and he would watch porn and jerk off. He doesn’t have a problem getting it up when I initiate, but he said it doesn’t feel fulfilling. When we do it, sometimes theres foreplay but it’s usually a quicky and penetration lasts 5min until he nuts. He also said I don’t orgasm big enough like in the porno? My response was that our in laws live with us so there’s no way I can be loud. He didn’t just out right tells me all of this, I had to ask it out of him because I needed honesty. Has anyone dealt with this? He said he didn’t want to tell me because he didn’t want to hurt me and he didn’t want to ask more of me since I have a lot on my plate with the baby. He said hes trying, he stopped talking to her but today he was on his phone and something popped up and triggered him, triggered his urge to look at porn and right then she sent him a suggestive reel so he caved and responded. Shes definitely pursuing him n she knows hes taken. She’s very attractive, her body is great. He thought about paying for a Brazilian butt lift for me, but he doesn’t know how to tell me, he doesn’t want me to hate my body. He mention I used to send him nudes and he would think only about me, but again, he was afraid of asking for more. Sorry I’m shaking and I can’t sleep so I’m rambling. I know I need to work on myself after the baby, and reconnect with my husband, I finally have time to and I just started when I found out about the affair. I feel like anything I do now would seem forced? Has anyone regained sexual attraction with their partner?
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how are you supposed to have a big orgasm if it’s lasting 5 mins lmao
Girl, leave him lmao what in the fuck, does he have any redeeming qualities?? Actually, doesn’t matter. I pray this is rage bait
You can fix it by getting rid of him. I’m sorry but this will only just get worse. He doesn’t love you, or even like you.
He’s a cheating creep with a porn addiction with such skewed views of sex he can’t give his wife a proper orgasm.
At this point, how do we fix YOU still somehow being attracted to HIM? He’s going to give you an STD!
I wouldn’t bother repairing a situation so dire. He doesn’t respect you. It’s one thing to not be attracted to your partner (everyone has up and downs and we fluctuate) but it’s another thing entirely to then seek satisfaction elsewhere by cheating instead of talking to you. He sounds like a shallow jerk. You literally grew his child!!! I don’t think you should stay with him.
Leave Lady. Your not the problem. You still have a chance of finding happiness
What the fuck
Porn is the biggest culprit here.
Real sex is normal and he is having high expectations from real sex because of porn.
You have to teach him that and if he didn’t listen therapy is an ideal solution.
Hold on. Your husband cheated, blamed you for it and you want to fix it by forcing him to be sexually attracted to you? This is sad honestly and speaks volumes of your low self esteem, self worth and self respect. I hope you wake up one day and leave that AH.
Don’t downplay the fact that he has had an affair, watches porn, yall have no privacy, and he’s blaming you. That’s disgusting. He is the one with the problem. He has cheated and will do it again. Cut your losses and stop making his problem your own.
i know this is absolutely terrible given the circumstances you are in, but please leave him. he won’t magically wake up attracted to you again. he consciously made a decision to cheat on you despite it all and that says everything about the man he is and will continue to be.
My girl has had 3 kids, pregnant 4 times but we lost our boy late in the pregnancy. I enjoy sex with her because its intimant, its my chance to be vulnerable and connect, because I love and care for her. You don’t need a bagging body for that. I stopped porn and video games when I met her because I knew she filled those voids just being my partner.
He’s chasing something that can never be caught because porn creates an expectation beyond reality. Prior to my girl I was a porn addict for years and I felt there was a better video out there to be watched. Dangerous place to be in a relationship. You are not the problem. His desire and lust are. I don’t want you to feel like you are not good enough, especially being a mother! That’s special in itself! Good luck.
Find someone that is sexually attracted to you
It’s a standard excuse for a cheater to tell you that they’re not sexually attracted to you
gives them an excuse to be a cheater
What a disgrace to loyalty… shame to that man… instead of fixing things he goes for a new one…not a dad or husband material.
How do you even feel attracted to him either? I have the ick just reading about how badly he is treating you.
Sweet heart… He’s lasting five minutes and been cheating on you for probably closer to a year if he’s admitted six months… LEAVE his ass!! You are worthy, beautiful, and sexy… Love doesn’t cheat on their wife after child birth and you are not the problem
You’re only 30, just divorce him and find someone who respects you.
Why are you not bothered by him having an affair with some other girl? This itself is a big red flag and you being silent about it is encouraging him to do it more! I would have confronted my partner about this and got my lawyer ready for the next steps immediately after knowing that my partner is cheating on me
I’m so sorry this is happening to you but you can’t bring up your child in a home with a ‘man’ like that.
So he is an addict. A none addict have zero issues doing what he said he was gonna do, but failed, even tho you talked and he said he wouldn’t.
Another thing that screams addict is that he said it isn’t fulfilling. Trust me, even bad sex have a decent orgasm. When it stops being fulfilling it’s because your brain have started to change.
So basically addiction hits when you use it to escape something and to coop, generally speaking.
Basically the reward system have been changed so when it have an orgasm he feels way more, and way less other things. And then it stays like that for a few hours until next time. Regulating, basically. Keeping anxiety and stress away, but it only works for so long, just like drugs.
Obviously I don’t know him and I can be wrong, but that’s two huge red flags for addiction to say the least.
If that’s the case, he needs professional help. People that try on their own fails 99 out of 100. If we talk staying away from it over time. Failing during it is part of it as well. Can take years or decades.
Addiction is so strong that nothing helps except the persons own motivation and acceptans around the issue. Or no one would lose their kids, family, home, work, money etc.
So the fact that he can’t stop even tho he said so is a huge red flag. Either because of what I said, or just the fact that he is a POS and don’t care for you what so ever. Either way you should question the relationship and what you feel you are up to do and not, around support etc.
Coming from a guy that watches porn and regularly has sex with his partner of 24 years. He is the one that is messing this up with how he thinks about porn.
Watching porn does no automatically make real sex worse. It does make it easier for me to get a quick release, when the idea of sex, with all the extra effort is too much. But on the few occasions my wife wanted more sex, I have dropped the wanking, because it does reduce the urge to have sex.
We went through pregnancies and weight gain, hair loss, the works in our 30s. The sex continued and we made an extra effort to find the time. We also realised, that physical attraction was important to both of us, even though we never had less sex because of the decline.
So we decided to do something about that and put some time, effort and money into looking good for each other. Very happy with our decision, but it was mutual, and a wish from both of us.
If you want to save this, counseling is your route, also sex therapy. If not, move on and don’t keep hurting yourself with all these thoughts.