My Husband (M34) Can Go To His Family Cabin w/o me. But I (F32) Can’t Go on Vacation w/o Him.

r/

Long story short my Husband’s (M34) Parents own a cabin it’s about a 2 1/2 hour drive from where we live. After arriving to the trail head you have to walk or take a four wheeler, or a snow machine to get to the cabin. Which takes about another 1/2 hour to hour. His parents hate me and said I could not go unless I was vaccinated. Since, my Husband has not been to his family cabin as much over the years. He also made a promise stating that I’d never have to go back.

He also promised we’d get something that wasn’t difficult to get to. Well, his father passed in February unexpectedly at the cabin alone. My Husband now declares it as his cabin. My MIL doesn’t go out there so she wouldn’t know if I went or not. I went again in June because my Husband begged. I didn’t care for it at all. My husband also stated we wouldn’t be getting our own cabin now.

He’s not even on the deed his Mom is dragging her feet and making excuses. Now my family would like to go to California in September. My Husband can’t go because he won’t have enough PTO. It’s rare when we have family vacation. it’s the first in 8 years since my Father has passed. My Husband said I can’t go anywhere with my Mom and Sisters because he can’t go. I find it unfair because he can go to his cabin on the weekends. While I’m stuck with 3 children under 7 (The 5 and 7 year old are Autistic and one has type 1 diabetes) I haven’t been anywhere in a few years. I live in Alaska where there isn’t much to do. What can I do ?

Edit: The Cabin to him isn’t a mini vacation anymore. He said it’s all work and a lot of repairs to be made. I pointed out the hypocrisy but he doesn’t believe he’s being a hypocrite.

His ex-wife would go on vacation with her family all time with out him. The last one she took while they were together was tragic for him. She came back engaged and they divorced. The man she was engaged to broke it off btw. I am not his ex.

HIM AND I HAVE ARGUED ABOUT THIS FOR THE PAST WEEK!

Comments

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  2. OkeyDokey654 Avatar

    What do you mean he says you can’t go? He’s not your father or your boss. He doesn’t get to make ultimatums. Yes, you should discuss it and hear his concerns. But if his only problem is that he can’t go… that sounds like a him problem.

  3. GenoFlower Avatar

    So what happens if you just go? I’d just go.

  4. lizchitown Avatar

    Go with your family on vacation. Tell him you need a vacation that isn’t about him. End of story. What a selfish bastard. He gets to get away to the cabin and do work on a cabin that isn’t even his! That is his choice to do.
    He chose to use his PTO the way he did without your input. Why the hell do you need to get his input on what you want to do? You are a partner, not a slave to his whims.

  5. Dry-Butterscotch4545 Avatar

    The fuck does “can’t go” mean? JFC.

  6. WoodenUniversity5698 Avatar

    Still confused why you can’t go away with your mom and sister?

    Why does he even have an issue with it?

  7. MckittenMan Avatar

    Sounds like a divorce solution.

    Your husband is telling you that you’re not allowed to go on a trip with your own dam family just because he can’t go himself?

    He doesn’t own you, you’re not his property.

    You can go on your family trip, enjoy a nice time with your family in California. If he has a problem with that, then your husband doesn’t have your best interest in mind.

    This is absurdly controlling of him. No one should ever stand in your way of spending time with your family.

    What you do, is go on your trip. If he makes a fuss out of it because you’re sticking up for yourself, then its probably a good time to re-evaluate your entire marriage.

  8. Salt-Record-1100 Avatar

    Separate vacations. Just divorce already

  9. FairyGothMommy Avatar

    You can go. You don’t need his permission.

  10. Master-Ease4239 Avatar

    It is a control issue for sure but after what you told us about what his ex-wife did it’s quite understandable. You have to assume he has PTSD, however, you’d think he would be more sensitive about going on vacation without you. He has some serious issues that need worked through and regardless of the trauma he still being hypocritical.

  11. five_by5 Avatar

    Lmao you’re a grown ass adult that does not need permission wtf. Go see your family.

  12. Some-Astronaut-6907 Avatar
  13. Plane_Practice8184 Avatar

    Why are you with someone who has double standards? People only go as far as you let them. He will treat you the way you let him. I shudder to think of the example you are setting for your children and the amount of therapy they will need. Speaking as a child of delayed divorce that damaged us (3 of us). All our relationships are broken despite decades of therapy 

  14. Mercutio111 Avatar

    Girl tell him, you’re not asking for permission, you’re letting him know. As people mentioned here before, he’s not your dad. Just make sure the kids will be taken care of. If he has this fear of you coming back engaged maybe he needs therapy to get over it. Good luck!

  15. National-Coyote3067 Avatar

    He and his family cabin are irrelevant – You can go on vacation with your family.

  16. Turbulent_Effective9 Avatar

    lol you’re not allowed? come on for reals

  17. TheSunshineOne Avatar

    This is so controlling and manipulative. He’s off doing whatever, whenever, agreed to get a more accessible cabin, but hasn’t. Spends his weekends where he wants to and leaves you to handle all childcare for each weekend???

    He’s got no right to tell that you can’t go. He’s TA 100%.

    If he doesn’t help with kids during weekends does he do anything?

    I’d say go and leave this selfish man out to mope about by himself

  18. dekage55 Avatar

    Would be taking your kids with you? If not, could he be concerned about caring for them, while you’re gone?

    Not that he shouldn’t have the same responsibilities you do, when he’s gone but bet he more rarely is solely responsible for the kids. Still not a reason for you to not go.

    As for his “Ex” trauma, does he really think you’re going to cheat with your Mom & Sister there?

  19. VeryFrank1 Avatar

    Of course you can go! He can’t tell you, you can’t go with your family. Go, have a good time. If he continues to give you crap, make sure he knows he’s not allowed to go to the cabin anymore. If he still gives you crap…well, do you really want to be married to someone like that?

  20. dennismullen12 Avatar

    You are going on vacation to see your family. Unsure why he can’t see that or has a problem with it.

  21. Agreeable-Meal5556 Avatar

    Yeah no. Him telling you you aren’t allowed to go visit your family is a MAJOR red flag. He isn’t allowed to dictate your comings and goings. And he needs to get therapy to address his trauma instead of trying to make it your problem.

  22. dekage55 Avatar

    So he’s willing not only to deny you a vacation (awful already) but his kids too!!! That’s next level despicable.

  23. changelingcd Avatar

    If you can refuse to get vaccinated (for whatever dumb-ass reason), you can refuse to obey your husband’s “orders.” Just go. I doubt he gets to be the solo parent very often, so that’s likely his main concern.

  24. vetaol Avatar

    OP he can’t sell the cabin, he is not on the deed. If he sells it then it is his problem. Don’t take his guilt tripping…it’s his way of controlling you. You do not need his permission you are an adult you can choose for yourself.

    If he can’t deal with it because his ex-wife did something it is his problem to solve/go to therapy to deal with.

    You need to make yourself a priority and don’t let him or his mom destroy your wellbeing.