He is on a work trip. We’ve been going through a rough patch after I discovered he was watching porn more often than trying to be with me.
He had promised he wouldn’t drink on the trip, and when he spoke he was clearly intoxicated.
I was angry at first and then I was terrified. I stayed on the line with him for 3 hours.
I texted with his sister who called the hotel. While we waited, I sang You are My Sunshine to him. I thought he was dying alone in a hotel room.
He was outside walking around. He had me on mute and was walking around. While I absolutely fucking sobbed. I had texted his with colleagues.
I arranged to rent a car. I prayed on the phone, when I have no faith. I was desperately trying to save a man who was just acting.
He is trying to do it again today. We have two kids and he’s 9 hours away. I can’t control him. I can only control me. This is abuse. On me and my kids. But I have no idea what to do.
Comments
You call a lawyer and make an exit plan. You protect your kids from this unstable narcissist and his bullshit
You’re right. This is psychological abuse. Are you in a situation where you can leave or do you need help making a plan?
Stay with family or friends. Leave him. You are correct, this is abuse. What a child. I’m so sorry, OP.
If he is threatening suicide, you call 911 immediately – you’re not qualified to handle a mental health crisis. If he’s someone who threatens to manipulate he will learn his lesson when he’s on an involuntary hold, if he actually needs help, he will get it.
You need to document this and protect yourself and your children (perhaps him being on a work trip is the ideal scenario for you to exit safely). I don’t think someone who does this is safe to be around when he does return either.
I’m sorry – you will get through this but you need to read Why Does He Do that if you haven’t already and really internalize that he’s intentionally putting you and your children through distress & abuse.
I had something similar happen to me 30 years ago and I’m still traumatised by that experience. I called life- line to try get them to go and save him, but they just kept on focusing on me and what I was going through. I was so frustrated with them because I just wanted them to save him.
It took me a while to realise they were right. I had to save myself from someone who would knowingly put me through that level of trauma just to manipulate me. I left. It’s been 30 years. I’m so glad I did.
Please go. Start the next season of your life. Learn why you tolerated such a manipulative abuser. And choose a better person next time.
You’re dealing with something unbelievably difficult, and it’s okay to feel overwhelmed, my goodness, I remember thinking I was invincible until life threw a curveball, and now I know that strength isn’t about never breaking, but about piecing yourself back together, and sometimes, that means needing a helping hand, because you really deserve to feel safe and supported, and seeking professional help is a sign of strength, not weakness, and honestly, I’m sending you all the good vibes I can muster because you need them right now, and, well, I’m not exactly a therapist, but a girl can try.