Checked my credit report and found a CC with 20k balance opened a few years ago. Around the same he began moving finances from our shared accounts to his personal accounts which I have no access to. From the credit report I can see he’s been making minimum monthly payments while still adding new charges to the card.
We’ve been together since highschool.
Marriage has been rocky the last few years and has only gotten better in the last 6 months. We don’t communicate well but I’m pretty sure he was ready to call it quits around a year ago. I’m afraid if I confront him, I’ll be stuck with this debt and my credit will be ruined. He makes well over 6 figures and I have no independent income and no family support. I’ve been out of the workforce for over a decade.
I feel stupid asking this as an adult, but what can I do?
Tldr: husband opened a line of credit in my name and charged 20k without my knowledge.
Comments
Sounds like you would be better off talking to a lawyer rather then to anyone here.
I think you can file a police report on him for identity theft?
Lawyer.
Also, lock your credit and look at your full report. You have no clue what else he might have done or accounts he might have opened.
I think he’s already lining you up for a fall. Get a lawyer asap before you tell him anything.
This is financial abuse. Freeze your credit. Go to the police. Get a good lawyer both for this specific issue and your upcoming divorce because you really need to leave him and do everything you can to protect yourself in the meantime!
In 2023 my brother found out his wife has taken out 8 credit cards in his name without his knowledge and maxed them all out. They ended up declaring bankruptcy and will have their wages garnished for 5 years along with all the other things that come with bankruptcy. They separated for a while, he went to a lawyer, they ended up reconciling. No one in our family is happy about it, but he is an adult and it’s his life. He stayed because they had been together for almost 20 years. They met and married very young. She has been his only relationship. Things are very hard, he still seems very unhappy, and while we aren’t close, he’s admitted he feels trapped. This is identity theft. I would talk to a lawyer and a therapist. My sister in law shows no sign of significantly changing her behavior. Only you can decide if you want to continue a relationship with someone who does these kinds of things. I think he would have made different decisions if he had more confidence in himself and his ability to survive on his own.
No prenup then everything is generally split down the middle.
I would lock your accounts with the 3 credit bureaus. Report that account as it’s fraud if you had no knowledge of this account being opened.
Be smart. Gather information. Be prepared. If divorce is on the table then talk to a lawyer, have your questions written down.
ETA: do not accuse him unless you’re 100% sure with evidence.
Lawyer up and quickly. Call all 3 credit bureaus and freeze your credit.
I’m sorry this happened to you. He committed a crime against you and has been lying about it for years. I’m afraid this is just the tip of the iceberg.
Protect yourself and take care of yourself.
>I’m afraid if I confront him, I’ll be stuck with this debt and my credit will be ruined.
Don’t confront him before talking to a lawyer and understanding your rights and options.
But I will say that if you do nothing, then he is still very likely to ruin your credit anyway.
If you divorce, you may be entitled to spousal support. The fact that he created this debt without your knowledge/permission might also be fraud. But you need to get advice on this from someone qualified.
I would talk to a lawyer even if you are not considering divorce. Even if you make no income, you’re likely entitled to alimony. Regardless, it may seem difficult as you don’t currently work but if not now, when? If you’re staying solely for finances, it isn’t even benefitting you (and is actually severely hurting you and your credit score long term) by staying. You would be better off on your own. There are tons of women’s groups that can provide support and networking opportunities for you o get on your feet again.
The longer you wait and the further he drives you into debt, the harder it will be to leave.
You mean your ex husband, right?
Yeah he wouldn’t be my husband anymore!
You need a lawyer, boo. And freeze your credit
On top of everything else said here, it’s extremely important to monitor your credit regularly. I check mine via credit karma for free. You’ll also get alerts anytime a new account is opened.
Well hopefully his life insurance pays out more than 20K.
You need to treat this as though someone you’re not married to did this to you. Pretend someone has a gun to your head. Take this very fucking seriously.
I say this as someone who has had my identity stolen previously and people have tried twice to open accounts in my name. Someone filed for unemployment benefits in my name a few years ago then they tried to get payday loans using fraudulent paychecks and they tried to launder that money through a bank account that was opened in my name. Someone could try to launder money in your name and the burden of proof is on you to prove it wasn’t you who did it. If someone files fraudulent unemployment claims, that will make you ineligible for unemployment benefits in the future. If someone launders money through an account with your name on it and that money is used to commit crimes, you can be held liable. Someone literally committed felonies in my name.
You need to take this more seriously than you’ve ever taken anything in your life, it will determine your financial future for years to come.
Do not forgive him, do not confront him, go get a lawyer, talk to the police, start undoing this.
You need to protect yourself because this man is going to leave you in a position with no career, no money, no credit, no way to get loans or a lease on a rental apartment. You are going to end up homeless and starving on the street. He is your fucking enemy.
This is no different than if he had punched you in the face or pushed you down the stairs. Financial abuse is abuse.
You mentioned your marriage has gotten better in the last 6 months, I’m sure he’s been on good behavior so he could plan this out.
I’m sure your state laws have what is called marital property. Regardless of the source of the income, once money is deposited into a bank account with both spouses names on it, it’s considered marital. That means no matter who put how much into it, each of you owns 50% of the account and the balance is jointly split 50/50.
The money he took out of the joint account is legally your money. It doesn’t matter if you don’t have a job and he does, it’s a joint account so legally it’s half yours. A divorce judge would look at this as him stealing your money, same as if it had come out of your paycheck.
Since the money in the joint account is half yours, you are legally entitled to half of the account balance. Open an individual checking account and transfer half of the original balance into your account ASAP. Not half of whatever is in there now, half of whatever was in there to begin with. So if there was $10,000 in the account and he took out $2,000, you take out $5,000 because that is 50% of the initial account balance. Do not leave any money on the table, he will take it away from you and you will never get it back. That is your money and he legally cannot force you to put it back.
Not to mention I’m pretty sure opening a credit card in someone else’s name without that person’s consent is a felony. It doesn’t matter that you’re married, this is legally no different than a stranger on the street doing it to you. This is literally identity theft by legal definition, you need to treat it as such.
If you don’t have one already, get a LifeLock membership tonight. They will help you with this process. When someone stole my identity, it took me about 6 months. You need to start this literally tonight.
Call the police and file a police report, that’s a paper trail that will help you later.
Then you call the bank that issued the credit card and you explain that someone opened a credit card in your name without your consent; you send the credit card company the police report. Do not mention it with your husband, keep your mouth shut about that. Shut up, pretend you don’t know who it was. If you make any mention that it was your husband, they’re going to dismiss your case. You need to act as though this was a stranger.
You call all the credit bureaus and you make sure all your accounts are Frozen with them. Equifax, Experian, and TransUnion.
There are also ways to freeze your identity with short-term loan providers, payday loan services, and utility companies.
ETA: DO NOT CONFRONT HIM. Pretend everything is fine. Don’t talk about it. Act like you don’t even know what’s going on. Get your ducks in a row behind his back. Do not let him know about the police report or the LifeLock account or that you’re freezing things.
Get cash out of the joint account. Don’t go to an atm, go to the grocery store and get cash back. You will need $100. Go to a UPS store and open a mailbox there in your name alone. When you open an individual Bank account, that UPS box address will be your mailing address for your bank account. Not a post office box, use UPS because their addresses look like a real street address and not every sender will send mail to a PO box. You will use this UPS address for every single piece of mail you get regarding this issue moving forward. The idea behind this is that no mail comes to the house where your husband can see it or open it. Everything from here on out needs to happen behind his back.
If you have a family cell phone plan where he has access to the account to view call histories or shut down your phone number, use a Google voice number. Set up a Gmail account if you don’t have it already, download the Google voice app onto your phone, give LifeLock and the cops and the bank and the UPS store the Google voice phone number.
Everything happens behind his back from here on out. This is for your protection.
ETA: also tonight….. Change all of your passwords. All of them. Social media, email, Bank logins, everything. Phone code. While you’re changing your phone code, do not use facial recognition or fingerprints to unlock your phone, make it a code only; you do not want your husband to be able to unlock your phone with your finger while you’re asleep.
Make sure you have multi-factor authentication on all of your logins. When you set up a secondary authentication method, if you are using a cell phone number, give them your Google voice number. You do not want a verification code going to a phone number that your husband may have access to.
OP, I wanted to repeat a comment from someone else to make sure you don’t miss it: the fact that your marriage seems to have gotten better in the last 6 months probably means that he’s a hair’s breadth away from leaving you. It sounds like he’s been planning his exit for years: moving money from your shared accounts to his personal accounts, fraudulently opening credit cards in your name and maxing them out. The fact that the fighting has stopped doesn’t mean that he’s changed his mind about leaving you. It probably means that he’s stopped caring because he knows he’ll be gone soon.
I’m so, so sorry that you’re going through this! Please get good legal advice ASAP and freeze your credit. This is financial abuse.
OP, ask Chat GPT to act like a lawyer & financial advisor to give you advice & next steps to protect your credit. It’ll be quicker & more accessible for immediate steps while you figure out a lawyer.
You won’t be stuck with the debt if you press charges against him and file a police report.
That’s your only way out, though.
A husband cannot legally open an account under your name without your consent.
Freeze your credit with all of the credit buearus. And put fraud alerts on them all.
Ugh so I went through this with my ex wife. She opened and maxed out a CC in my name. I couldn’t do anything about it in the end. The bills were going to my house and the minimum was being paid every month. Even if I was able to somehow prove she did it, the lawyers fees and the fact that we were married and any debt is “our debt” I was totally screwed. I called and closed the card and locked my credit behind extra verification procedures online. What a nightmare. In the end I am now single and had to pay the credit card off (ex doesn’t work, I have full custody of 2 and get no child support for example) and just eat it. Visa wouldn’t even let me claim fraud.
This happened to my mother. You need to do something now and talk to a lawyer. This is fraud. Also, do not tell him that you’re going to a lawyer, let them handle that.
My dad spent years raising 150k in credit card debt using my mom’s SSN and signing her name (without her knowledge) after draining their savings, and he was paying minimum monthly payments. There is a process to protect you, but do not enable this.
Be ready to also expect you have no saved money left if he is paying minimum payments. He probably has already maxed out his credit limits and can’t get approved anymore. There might be a loan out on your house too – all of these things should be checked. He may say that he’s going to save money through tax refunds for all the losses, and say he’s doing it for you to provide you the life you want, don’t believe him. He also may blame you for things that you want in your life, don’t let him blame you.
My mom is now 80, my dad died, and she’s still stuck working full time with a disability because she has nothing left. I help to take care of her, but she was responsible, saved money, and was it was all gone. I don’t want this to happen to you.
You’re afraid to start over, but you’ll be starting over every single day after this moving forward, because the trust is lost, and he’ll do it again after you think everything is fine again – and when he is eventually gone, it will be even harder. Best of luck to you.
Lawyer up! Be ready for some shit storm in the near future! But you’ll get through it if you’re strong and maybe come out as a stronger/better person on the other end based on how you handle it
Find a barracuda, this man will not pull any punches so find someone who will fight like hell on your behalf
Talk to an attorney now!
My dad hid $80k from my mom. When she divorced him she was told she had to pay half of it.
Start protecting yourself now while he’s in the dark about what you know. This includes financially separating your assets.
Report this immediately to the credit card company. This is identity theft. You’re probably going to need to make a police report. You will be stuck with this debt if you do nothing. I would speak to an attorney after notifying the credit card company, and prior to making the police report, they can advise you best.
This happened to my ex, he reported fraud against his ex wife (she was funding her affair with the card she opened in his name) and filed a police report for the sake of having documentation, submitted it to the CC company and he was off the hook for it. I’m sure they pursued her though.
Talk to a lawyer and start making plans for an exit strategy. None of this is normal.
You’d be better off with ruined credit and paying down the debt single than to be used and abused in this way.
Is he gambling?
Id call the police, that’s identity theft
Lawyer and police report.
This happened to me. Went to refinance and found out he had been charging all of his materials for jobs to a joint credit card (opened without my knowledge). We ended up in BK and divorced.
I’m really sorry this is happening to you. It is such a betrayal.
You go to the police. But first you go to a lawyer.
I would be concerned about what else he’s hiding. Are you both now in serious debt that you don’t know about? Did that 20k go up his nose or into some other woman’s purse? Into slot machines?
This man doesn’t like you!
This is literally fraud. Like, the criminal definition. Document everything, retain a lawyer and do what they tell you (which is probably go to the police). Your husband is about to be an actual felon.
File a police report, and report him for fraud. Let him get arrested. He’s up to no good.
I hate that he did this to you. I’m so sorry.
Tike to start funneling money from him to pay the card in secret and close it, then freeze your credit. Sell his shut too.
That’s fraud. Lawyer time!
Freeze your credit. Have you tried calling the credit card company? Not like they’d care anyway bc it would be hard to prove you weren’t the one who did it I feel. Speak to a lawyer, what he’s doing is fraud. For ID theft they’re also going to want you to file a police report.
Additionally, if and when you do leave him I would recommend reaching out to your local dept of labor. Where I live we have what are called “American job centers” which are locations that help you with reemployment services free to you. They offer certification programs and have path to employment programs that are a great resource if looking for work, especially in your circumstances with being out of work for 10+ years. Don’t count yourself out, you can do this!
Time for you and him to separate and go two different ways. He just showed you he is financially irresponsible and that at least to me is a huge issue and divorceable.
Keep in mind that if he added you as an authorized user it would also show up on your credit report. If you are married the debt is both of yours even if it’s under your name. You should be talking to your husband, not a lawyer. Unless you are looking at divorce already.
Uhhhhh lawyer and also make sure your food/drinks don’t taste like antifreeze. Christ, this guy. I’m so sorry OP.
This is called “financial infidelity”. You need a lawyer, immediately.
Document everything and consult a lawyer ASAP. This is fraud and financial abuse. Don’t let your husband know that you are aware of what he is doing. If he knows, he might start trying to cover his tracks.
Call the police and report him. Contact an attorney and start divorce.
FREEZE YOUR CREDIT!
You have no other choice…unless you want to magically pay it back
File a police report for identify theft.
Then get a lawyer and file for divorce.
Soon to be ex husband, charged with fraud.