So, i’m in my late 20’s and i’ve been pushing back going to med school for years now due to some family circumstances. Now that i feel like I’m finally on my feet, i want to do this for myself. I’m currently a nurse working towards my bachelors. My husband doesn’t support me and says he didn’t marry me to have an absent wife. He says he will leave me if I decide to go to med school. I’m a little conflicted because I supported him when he left nursing nursing school, when he had just two semesters left to get his bachelors, to make a career change to accounting. So now he’s telling me to pick between him and medical school. I’m an immigrant who moved to USA after high school and it’s impossible to get a loan as an immigrant. Now that i have my immigration status figured out, i decided it’s the right time for me to work towards this but he says i “missed the train” and if i wanted to be a Doctor, i should’ve been a doctor years ago. I don’t really know what to do so any advice would help…. Edit: Again, my immigration status is figured out and i can get a loan. Also i met my husband after i was already an established nurse. I have mentioned to him multiple times before that i wanted to go to med school. Right now, i have a 4.0 gpa. I know i can do it and i have a great passion for it.
My husband said he would divorce me if i decided to go to med school.
r/Advice
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If you do not follow your heart. dreams, you will regret it. You have a responcibility to your husband as he has to you, but you can you only do this if you are happy and positive! It’s never too late to learn and progress! Goodluck
Well first off, you need to finish your bachelors so that you can make enough income to support yourself. You need to keep your account separate from his so that you have some independence. Your husband sounds controlling and I expect that to get worse.
You are going to need to save money to accomplish your goals.
Regarding med school. I’m assuming you are working toward a bachelors in nursing. Look into going back to school to become a nurse anesthetist. It pays extremely well and is not as lengthy as med school. It’s 2 years. Plus it builds on a nursing degree.
If you can’t get student loans, I don’t see how med school would be an option bc it’s so expensive. You can look into organizations that offer to pay for med school in return for years of service, but I’m not sure if your immigration status would make you ineligible.
There are many men that would be thrilled to be married to a doctor.
So you missed the train while supporting his dreams? That’s rich.
I would make sure you have that bachelor’s secured before going to med school. That way you have a degree in your pocket in case your husband does decide to leave.
You’re a nurse, which is notorious for long and stressful hours. How will medical school change that?
As many women have learned over the years, delaying or foregoing education/promotions for a man will affect you negatively in the long run. I would suggest a come to Jesus chat with your husband, reminding him that you put your time in with family and his dreams. You are also allowed to pursue yours. It will not be forever; it’s an investment in you and your husband’s future.
I have a friend that really went through it when his wife trained to be a PA and he went to medical school. In that time, they had three kids. It was brutal on both of them. Now, he owns his own practice, she has a normal schedule, and they get to create a schedule that allows him to spend tons of time with his wife and kids.
Education is an investment that never goes away.
Would NP be enough for you? If not, then make options by prepping for med school by adding in premed prereqs now, if you can. Finish BSN, start working with shift work. Continue prereqs. Study for mcat when done with prereqs. Do not get pregnant.
Apply when appropriate. Once holding acceptances, then have the big talk. It will be at least 4 yrs from now before you need to make a decision. A year to finish bsn. Two years to finish prereqs, and prep for mcats, a year to apply. A lot could change, before then. The marriage could die before then. You might not get in.
Going to med school and residency Is a huge stress on a marriage. It is wrong that he does not support your dreams, but it would be a pity to abandon your marriage over an unachievable goal, or to abandon your dream for a failing marriage. So keep your options open, for the time being.
Honestly way too many people advise others to get divorced here but fuck this guy. People go to med school even in their 50s and 60s, late 20s is perfectly normal. Also he’s an accountant.
My father stopped my mother from going into higher education and she has always regretted it.
My first thought is to come down heavily on the husband, but going to medical school does require both people in a couple to be on board. Supporting him changing his major does not equate to putting his life in hold for 8 or more years while a spouse pursues a medical degree.
Do you love him, and are you happy with him on other ways? If so, look for a compromise.
Perhaps you could pursue nurse practitioner training after getting your BSN and working for a couple of years. That would make you a health care provider without taking so many years and acquiring so much debt.
Follow your dreams. Don’t make yourself smaller for a controlling man.
His approach absolutely sucks.
But med school and what follows is an enormous life commitment and he is within his right to not want to sign up for that. People in the comments acting like you”re not talking about years of school, residency, etc are ridiculous. It is unfair that you put your ambitions to the side but you did. This is where we are NOW.
Consider sitting with a mediator and weighing out all your options together before you decide what to do next.
Saying this as someone who’s also premed. Late 20’s is the perfect time to start medical school. It’s what’s recommended most by those actively working as doctors, because it gives you a chance to discover yourself first. Unfortunately, sometimes medicine can be the make-or-break for relationships. But if you’re truly passionate about medicine, it might haunt you for the rest of your life if you decide against it.
You can try, but be realistic about your chances and resources. I would consider the long timeline and massive expense you’re looking at. You don’t even have a BS yet, and you’ll need a completed bachelor’s degree, strong grades (especially in science), a high MCAT score, letters of recommendation, and significant extracurriculars like volunteer work and clinical experience (with your nursing background, you may have some of this already, of course). Then it can take years to get accepted (over half are refused each year), and the cost is brutal: $286,000 public/ $391,000 private school over four years. This is likely a 7-9 year commitment, assuming all goes well. I’m not saying you should just forget it because your husband’s giving ultimatums, but there are many factors to consider (including losing him).
Follow your heart and your dream. If you want to be a doctor, then go be a doctor.
Your husband can be replaced. Just like the other doctors with 2-3 former spouses. LOL.
Never ever EVER give up your education for someone you didn’t birth, especially not a man.
I don’t normally agree with people who scream divorce here for every conflict, but, as someone said in the comments: education is an investment that never goes away.
it’s sooo weird to me that he doesn’t wanna support you.. I see plenty of people that go into med school in their thirties and they’re married and have supportive spouses. It seems like he’s jealous of you or something…
Med school is huge commitment time wise and dollar wise. Then there is the residency. You can do it. But at what cost. Have to run the numbers. What is the cost? What is the potential income. You will be very busy during some prime years. You may lose your husband. 🤷♂️
Going to med school is a multi year endeavor that demands extreme commitment and physical stamina, and then comes with a couple years of residency, usually in a different location, which also involves crazy shifts. And the you’re done but with a ton of debt. The whole process is several years long and really disruptive to having a settled, routine life. I think people are being a bit hard on the husband. He’s clearly envisioning the two of you having a calm life with good income and predictable hours. You’re describing a life that delays that for at least 7 years, during which time he might have to move, and will be mostly pulling the weight financially and mostly taking care of the housework. And of course this would mean delaying having kids by several years, if that was on the table. Becoming an accountant is way easier than become a doctor so it’s not a relevant comparison.
You didnt miss the train but only you can decide if it is worth ending your marriage. Im going to get down voted and i dont give 2 fuck or 3 shits..but here goes anyway
Medical school isnt easy and most folks know this. You have to have a good support system because they are there for the issues you have to deal with outside of school. Do you two plan to have kids? How many and when? Are you okay with waiting until you finish med school, or during med school? During residency or after residency? If after residency, now (depending on what you choose) you likely looking at a geriatric pregnancy (which comes with it’s own risk).
Do your parents or other support group members actually support you? I ask you these questions because this isn’t just a simple change of careers like going from nursing to accounting.
Are you going to be a surgeon? You looking at 80 hour work weeks and that doesnt even include studying for boards.
Folks calling your husband an asshole but if he didnt sign up for an absent wife then he has that right to say so. You also could have left him when he switched from nursing. It was your decision not to.
Having a spouse who is training to be a doctor isnt no small feat. There will be many challenges. You and him need to be on the same page regardless as to what you do if you dont want to end your marriage.
Keep in mind that reddit wont be the ones who will have to deal with the decision you make. Best of luck
Socially: We need doctors.
Romantically: Do you really want to be with this guy otherwise?
Personally: Can you live with yourself another 60 years if you don’t go for it?
Financially: Can you do it without him?
As a mom I am encouraging you to follow your dreams and cut this useless person loose so he can ruin someone else’s future.
Time travel to the future. You’re in your 70s and retired.
You will 100% be happy you went to medical school.
Girl no man is worth giving up your dreams…
Drop the husband and go to med school. A good life-partner would support you in your dreams even if it means a bit of sacrifice on his part. Being a doctor wife does not mean you’re an absent wife. I’m a physician myself, plenty of women colleagues and even close family of mine are working and having families. The great part about being a physician as a female is that you can really pick and choose the exact schedule you want, depending on your specialty. You can work a few days a week, you can work 1 week a month, you can do whatever and you’ll still get really solid pay and have an amazing work-life balance. You can work the same hours as you’re doing as a nurse with probably much higher job and life satisfaction and much higher pay. If you’re both nurses I suspect this is more than just “absent wife” excuse, I would suspect this is a low-key insecurity that his wife will be more educated / higher paying /more “successful” than him and I dont think thats the right mentality to have. We’re a doctor-nurse combo and we don’t view each other in that lense of who is more successful or not, we’re equal partners that support each other.
Relationships are complicated. If going to med school is your dream and he’s not going to support it/threaten you with divorce, you really need to take that to heart. If you don’t follow this dream, you’re going to resent the hell out of him. Not to mention – is divorce ALWAYS going to be on the table when he doesn’t want you to do something? Nah fam. You’re young. Chase those dreams.
I think the instant a person threatens divorce as a form of control, it’s over. You pursue your dreams and find someone who uplifts you rather than tries to hold you down.
Do you want to forego something that’s important to you so you can keep a husband that doesn’t support you?
it is insecurity and control. He’s concerned that you’ll trade up to a better husband once you’re educated.
Someone who loves you should not want to hold you back in this way. Don’t make yourself smaller to accommodate his ego.
Married people should support each other, him throwing the nuclear option of divorce out there is a way to control you its selfish and manipulative . I would go to med school if that’s what you really want and let the chips fall where they may!!
I know doctors who never retired, this is a long and rewarding career that I wish I had pursued and it is more important than a man who pulls you down. Do it for yourself, you can find another likeminded dude who values hard work, passion and ambition in a woman. A good partner is like the wind beneath your wings, I know this because I got one and he would never ever come in the way of me chasing my dreams
Become a Dr and have your pick of men 🤣
Find a new husband in med school
> I don’t really know what to do so any advice would help.
Can you afford to go to med school and support yourself simultaneously on your own? If so, then it is this path to take.
My primary care doctor was a RN for a decade and then went back to school to become a doctor. She became a doctor in her 40s and was a fantastic doctor.
You can go two paths. Become a nurse and practice at being a nurse for a few years and then go back to become a doctor. The nursing experience will make you a fantastic doctor. Or study to become a doctor now.
The nursing route gives you time to save money. But let your husband go. He won’t be supportive even if you’re a nurse. If this is what you’re called to do, then do it.
““Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you’re wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn’t love you anymore.”
People are giving their thoughts on who’s right and who’s wrong. But regardless you seem to be incompatible. You will likely regret not pursuing your career ambitions, especially if you end up single years down the line. He doesn’t want to go through the difficulties that come with that. We can all call him a dick if it makes us feel better but it doesn’t really matter.
You’re gonna have a great time at medical school without him
Please choose Med school. Signed- Your future self
Your partner is not being a partner. They are being controling and dramatic.
Call his bluff while encouraging therapy for both of you. If he feels this is proper behaviour, it’s bc he has not been taught otherwise.
Go to Med School. If you don’t you’ll spend the rest of your life regretting it and resenting him. Sometimes you just got to do what’s best for you.
BYE. Do your life as you see fit, and DO NOT let a man dissuade you from your life goals.
If he doesn’t want to be married to a doctor, his loss. Get that medical degree girl!
Nuanced advice is not something you will find here. But it’s what you need. The language around what you wrote is alarming. Things like “missed the train” and “pick between him and medical school” and “didn’t marry me to have an absent wife”. These are not kind constructive words. They are not part of an adult discussion to determine something about a future of a loving married couple.
That being said, some of these concerns are valid (not to justify being an asshole, just valid). If you go to med school you will be an absent wife. Not just for the 4 years of school but for the residency training to follow. You will likely have to move. Either you will uproot your family and move a couple of times or you will leave them temporarily. You will (unless you are very rich) have to borrow money. Trumps disgusting bill limits the money you can borrow for grad school so you will have to borrow private loans. You won’t make real money for at least 7 years, maybe more. You will make minimum wage.
These are all valid reasons and you should be weary of the people that support you unconditionally. Being a doctor in America isn’t easy. And at times not worth it. If it’s your dream then do it. By all means. But you have to be prepared for the cost of that dream unfortunately.
So he shouldn’t be an asshole. But this is a real discussion.
>it’s impossible to get a loan as an immigrant
Well that’s simply not true at all. Hundreds of thousands of people immigrate to the US to become doctors. Most of them do not have the finances to pay for it on their own.
>i decided it’s the right time for me to work towards this
Awesome! Go do it.
>I don’t really know what to do so any advice would help.
You know what the advice is. Anyone that isn’t willing to help you work towards your life goals is NOT worth having as a partner. Period. My advice is to get permanent citizenship and then leave this loser behind you. Even if you don’t ever become a doctor, someone that doesn’t support you isn’t worth being with.
Unpopular opinion, but I can understand the husband’s mindset. Changing career from nursing to accounting is NOT the same as going from nursing to doctor.
You will basically be absent for a large portion of your relationship while in school. There’s a reason why a large number of people end up breaking up from even long-term relationships before Thanksgiving.
So I assume your 28sh, your a nurse so you prob took all your prelims and just need to take the mcat. So prob be apply by 30, assuming you get in, 31, then 35 graduate med school, 39-42 finishing residency and fellowships. It’s not too late, but you’ll need support. If he doesn’t support you, you have to figure out what’s more important. Him or your ambition.
Everyone says you should follow your dreams, and I agree with that. But I can also understand this guy. I used to have a friend who pursued becoming a doctor. He was mostly unavailable, always tired, and in my country it takes around 10 years to earn that title (be able to practice). So yeah, I get why someone at that age might not want to go through with it.
Wait _ you mean soon-to-be ex-husband, right? A real partner doesn’t stand between you and your dreams.
He figures if you try to be a doctor then it will take you many many years, lots of debt and he will basically never see you again when you aren’t spent (tired)
It’s true. Being married to a doctor is like being single
Don’t give up your dream for a selfish man.
Please stay on top of your birth control. Make sure he can’t tamper with it. Men like him like to baby trap women. He’s shown you he can’t be trusted.
Read the book,
Why does he do that
By Lundy Bancroft
It’s free online and will help you understand him better.
Go to med school! Go to med school! Go to med school don’t be a statistic
Leave him first. Then go to medical school. You are not important to him.
That is a man who wants to keep you down and drained ‘you missed the chance’ year while you were taking care of his ass getting the education he wanted in an abrupt career change that was convenient for him because you were working. He will continue to stall your dreams, go be a doctor girl because that’ll be more lasting than this guy.
So go to med school and if he divorces you for trying to better yourself then be better and single! Do you! Shine!
Screw him – let him leave. The reason he isn’t supporting you is because he is jealous of you. I am 58 years old and I have made 3 major career changes in my life time. I am actually in the middle of transitioning now. Don’t waste your life wishing you would have. Just do it
Well, the deeper issue is that he sounds like a selfish, narcissistic hypocrite and doesn’t seem to have an altruistic nature. People with less selfish tendencies would be supportive and excited for you, and proud of you (not the opposite). They’d be happy for humanity that there’s going to be one more doctor in the world. Your husband doesn’t want to share you. He sees you as his. He is a product of a patriarchal society and hasn’t given women’s needs/wants much thought, apparently. Gross. This seems like a no brainer. Divorce him, go on to be a great success, and fall in love (again) with someone who supports your dreams.
Your passion is going to far outlive your marriage. He’s jeaelous and controlling. Go live your best life! Society needs you!!
follow your heart
Let him
Go for med school.
You can get a better husband eventually or be happy without one. A medical degree will be there for you when a husband flakes.
There’s billions of men in the world.
What an unfortunate situation. Your husband’s response is coercive, manipulative, and punishing. Although it is understandable that going to med school and becoming a doctor will potentially be a very difficult relational transition for you both, threatening divorce is like lobbing a grenade into the mix. In and of itself, that can be difficult to recover from. Best you can do is make a decision for yourself and be accountable for that decision, whatever it may be.
Just an FYI, as an ICU RN who’s pursing CRNA instead of med school because of the BBB. Be aware of your finances and cost of med school/life with the BBB in play.
Girl you shoot for the stars and don’t ever let a man hold you back! 🫶🏽
Bye-bye nice knowing ya!
The path is a huge time suck.Med school and residency will consume the next 8 years of your life and you’re pretty much married to it. Supporting an accounting degree and job are far less in magnitude than med school / residency. Good luck whatever you decide, it’s gonna strain the crap out of your marriage. But like you said, this is for you and it may be just you at the end of that journey.
I think you should go for it! Otherwise, you might regret it.
If divorce is what will make it happen, then go for it! You won’t regret it.
I’ve work with residents, fellows and doctors for years. The entire process is all-consuming. Then, once you become a doc, you’re essentially owned by the hospital depending on your specialty. I’ve seen so many students go into this like, I want to be this kind of doctor and then go a completely different direction once reality sets in. And god-forbid you don’t match. Or if you do match somewhere, you’ll have to uproot your life to go live there for a few years.
All I’m saying is that supporting someone from nursing to accounting is very different than nursing to MD.
Having dreams and desires is important. If md is definitely your calling, that’s awesome. We need more doctors. But take some responsibility for what you’re asking of your husband. You’re going to be gone physically and emotionally. All your free time is a love-affair with books and you don’t have much control over where you’ll be living for the next 5-8 years because your career will dictate all of that.
It’s much healthier for him to be honest and tell you now then 2 years down the road when the resentment and absence has destroyed your lives. Imagine going through the med school process and a divorce. Nah. Fuck that noise.
Make this choice for you, absolutely. You gotta look yourself in the mirror at the end of the day. But be honest about what you’re asking of your partner.
Imo, he’s being a dick about it but he’s right. Med school will suck every waking moment from you so it really comes down to whether or not the relationship can tolerate it. I can’t say I blame him.
Choosing between yourself and a man always choose yourself
Tell him to draw up the papers and find the wife he prefers while you will find a partner who loves and supports you unconditionally – including while advancing your career, while saving lives, and as a doctor
You’re young!!!! You won’t regret it if he leaves. And he clearly doesn’t love you enough for thick and thin. His love has conditions. It’s not unconditional. Also my brother knew MANY in medical school who were in their 30s, 40s, and 50s.
Good spouses don’t hold each other back. My husband got his AS when our son was 2, after that I started grad school when our son was 4. You guys don’t even have kids. Your husband knew the plan when you got married, you’ve been transparent and up front with him this whole time. This is serious, you need to really think about what your future will be like if you let him limit you. I can tell you that you’re probably going to find resentment that just keeps growing over time.
On a separate note, you might want to consider going the NP route instead of med school. You’ve already got a BSN so it would be a more natural continuation and you will still get rotations in multiple specialties and have a lot of options for practice. I have a friend who is an NP and she did her training while raising kids. She has zero regrets.
If you’re set on being an MD then you should really look into specialties and the kinds of environments you’d be comfortable in. My podiatrist said his specialty is the best kept secret in medicine. He does surgeries for his “bread and butter,” as he calls it but he doesn’t have to deal with emergencies or work at a hospital and he makes his own hours. All surgeries are outpatient.
You can’t let a man ruin your chances at happiness and self-sufficience. This guy is petty and controlling and misogynistic. You’re going to chuck him anyway someday because of this, so protect yourself with some financial security.
A friend of my mother (a Paralegal with no medical background!) pursued her lifelong dream and went to med school in her late 40s and is now a doctor. Marriages fail often, but probably more so because of lingering resentment than for career success.
I would pick med school. Divorce him first and then follow your dreams.
Follow YOUR dreams no matter what. If that includes him or not – is up to you. I can say this – there isn’t anything worse than someone not supporting you especially when it is someone who claims to love and cherish you. If I were in your situation – I would go to med school – plain and simple.
I can’t believe he is seriously demanding you make that choice. That is not love. Go after your dreams. We only live once and you will forever regret it if you don’t. The world seriously needs doctors and if this is your passion… go for it.
You’ve outgrown him.
I didn’t follow my dream when I was married to my first husband and I’ve regretted it ever since. Now it’s too late. I’ll never get that chance back.
Take the chance. You’ll regret it if you don’t.
hat’s such a rough ultimatum. med school is huge, yeah, but if he loved and respected you, he’d support your dream instead of threatening divorce. feels like he’s scared of change and maybe jealous since you backed him when he switched paths. you didn’t “miss the train,” plenty of people start med school later. the real question is: do you want a partner who’d rather cage you than grow with you?
op- let him leave! one less gigantic stressor in your life so you can ultimately focus on your own life and goals-
F him. If he doesn’t someone in the family making low-mid 6 figures f him. In fact NOW is the time to divorce him BEFORE you become a doctor. This guy will be an anchor, med school is hard, having an ⚓️holding you back will make it worse. If you want it, cut loose the dead weight and go for it.
Leave your husband, if he can’t support your dreams he is worthless. My wife went to uni at age 34 and being a mother to 4 kids. She is the best nurse. Follow your dreams and good luck.
Follow your dream or you will always resent your husband and your marriage will end anyway.
He sounds like a real piece of work. You are 20, if you have your legal status set, I would choose you.
Let’s say you cave and chose him. You have now given him control over you and it will get much worse. Forget medical school a second, you have to ask yourself if this is the type (someone who wants to control you) of person you want to grow old with. Sounds like a very painful and miserable life.
I don’t like ultimatums like that.
Call his bluff. And if he follows through, then he’ll be the one crying into his bud lite when you’re pulling down 200k
Girl,go to school….YOU DO YOU FIRST!!!!men AFTER
Tell him:
Don’t let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya!
Do it. Always pick the ambition over the man. You’d end up divorcing this loser in a few years anyway.
Go to med school. You will not regret it.
What would you tell a friend of yours if she were in this situation?
She’s finally ready to pursue her dream and her husband, the partner she has supported, says he’ll leave if she dares do something that means she won’t be around to cater to his needs.
Do you tell her to give up on her dreams and stay with the self-important bully?
Go be a doctor. Live your best life. Your husband can get on board or get out of the way. Currently he sounds like a pretty shitty spouse.
Do it. You’ll regret it forever if you don’t.
If he does divorce you, then just tell him ‘bye!’ You don’t need that negativity.
I’m happily married, but I would happily marry an MD and be a well kept man who makes sure life at home is awesome. Do what you need, you’ll resent him all your life otherwise. If he truly loves you he’ll swallow his pride and deal with it.
I think he is jealous bc he left medical school. Bet he couldn’t cut it
You didn’t “miss the train.”
He knew you wanted to be a doctor, and he married you anyway. Apparently he was sure that being locked into marriage with him would sway your decision? Now that you’re ready to make the decision, he has said the quiet part out loud. He always fully intended to choose your life path for you. Don’t let that happen.
Yes, you will be absent and married to your work.
Go choose the life path that you’ve always wanted.
It is never too late to become a doctor! Don’t give up your dreams to keep a man.
I hate your husband
lol you need to just sign the divorce papers now. Get your doctorate and never look back. 💁🏼♀️💁🏼♀️💁🏼♀️
You should go to med school. Never let anyone get in the way of your dreams.
You make it sound like you’re facing a difficult choice.
Follow your dreams. If your husband doesn’t want to be in them, that’s his loss not yours. You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.
say bye Felicia to the selfish jerk…he just doesn’t want to be bested by yiu,,.it will only get worse so ditch him and be the doctor we all need,
Men who discourage women from being educated are losers and should be your biggest enemy. Do not ever let a man get between you and an education.
Leave him and pursue your dreams. Staying with him and not going to med school will only lead to hear ache. Better to do it now before you’re making doctor money
Leave him before he tries to get you pregnante
As *NSYNC once said “Bye Bye Byeeee”.
No but really, if he can’t do for you what you did for him. It’s time you lay this relationship to rest.
Any man that keeps you from realizing your dreams is not a man worth keeping. If he loved you, he would never tell you not to go to med school. If you choose to not go and stay with him, you will resent him and regret it deeply.
So how fast can you get that divorce?
Leave him! You can always get another husband but you only have one chance to be a doctor! Don’t waste it. He has no right to stop your education.
I don’t blame either one of you. You should follow your dreams, but honestly, I can understand if he feels like he doesn’t fit into that.
Med school is insanely busy. When you’re not at school, you’ll be studying and your relationship will be have to be put on the back burner. That’s not even a choice really.
Your boyfriend probably wants someone more present in his life and you won’t be able to be very present the entire time you’re in school and probably not all that much after as well. So I wouldn’t say that he’s a bad person, but that to just aren’t compatible. You need somebody who will be fine to take a backseat to your education.
It’s also possible that your boyfriend is threatened that you’ll likely make more money than him in the end. It’s also possible that he doesn’t want to be with somebody who’s going to be severely in debt from schooling costs. .
If it is your dream to become a doctor then let the pieces fall where they may and pursue your dream. I think you’ll always regret it if you don’t.
I would imagine yourself in either situation in 15 years. If you don’t follow your dream in order to stay with your boyfriend, I think you will regret that decision in 15 years. Heck, the relationship may not work out for other reasons anyway. If you decide to leave him to pursue your dream, I think that initially it will hurt, but in 15 years, you won’t look back and regret that decision.
Consult a divorce lawyer ASAP.
looks like your getting divorced
I believe in you. You can do it
Divorce the husband, go to med school. Clearly he has signifiant relationship and control issues that will only get worse if you back down.
I would go yo medical school. I get it will be hard but if its your dream you should Chase it
I’m a 36 year old CEO with a 7 month old. 3 months ago I told my wife fiancee I wanted to join the military to become an Army Ranger as its always been a regret of mine not being able to serve our country. She told me to do what I needed to do for our family so I’m not held back, but first we needed to get married so the family can come live with me on base.
Being a Ranger is one of the most dangerous jobs in the military since you’re on the front of the front lines, often deploying into super hot combat – She said she wasn’t worried about me coming back, she knows I won’t die, she just wants me to live my truth.
I’ve given her every opportunity to withdraw her support, but she’s adamant. As long as I have this in me she knows I’ll die with regret and resentment, so she’s willing to do whatever it takes to get me to my dream – She’s helped me with training drills, wrote index cards with the Ranger Creed and has almost remembered the entire thing herself. My goal is as important to her as it is to me, and I believe that’d the sign of a true partner.
Your “husband” sounds Selfish, and you will regret the rest of your life with him if you don’t go and do this. So many people die not knowing what they could have been and realizing their truth. Go enroll and if he leaves then let it happen; at least you don’t have kids.
I’d leave him and go to med school. Just my take.
You missed the train? More like you gave your ticket to him. If you want to go back to school do it. He can either do what he threaten or he can grow with you. I get that it will hurt if he leaves but sometimes you just outgrow people. The resentment of not going back to school because of him will sour your relationship anyway.
If you don’t go to medical school to become a doctor — it will be the biggest regret of your life. Your future self will tell that story and how you wish you had done it. So, do it for YOU. Set your future self up for success.
Yes, you’ll likely lose your husband. But if he was worth “keeping” he would support you 1000%.
Every person in your life is either adding value or deducting it. They either encourage you or discourage you. They shouldn’t project their fears or failures or decisions on you.
Make sure you have someone (and people) in your life that will support you, your choices, your career and celebrate your success.
Regret can cause major depression.
When you are married all major life decisions need to be discussed and agreed by both parties. Going back to school for 10 years is one of these decisions. Your husband is perfectly reasonable to oppose this choice, it will impact both of you greatly.
He is allowed to divorce you if he disagrees with your choice. Having said that, you are allowed to choose what you want for your life. You are allowed to divorce your husband and go back to school if you feel he isn’t supporting you. Especially if you don’t have children.
This is a discussion between you and your husband but ultimately it’s your choice
Separating your finances before you take on $300,000+ in debt is a sold move
Pursuing your passion for medicine is not just about a career; it’s about fulfilling your potential. You deserve to chase your dreams. Go after that medical degree; if he wants a partner in crime, it should be in saving lives, not holding you back!