I (31F) want to get a small matching tattoo with my best friend for her birthday. We’ve been best friends since the 1st grade. She has tattoos and I don’t, but I really want one to mark it off my bucket list. For context, I grew up in a conservative family and tattoos are a major no-no. Same with my husband (30M). I kind of thought he was over it because when my friend was in town a few weeks ago, we brought up the idea and while he wasn’t thrilled, he didn’t say I couldn’t do it. I told him it would be a 1 inch tattoo on my upper ribs so it’s not obvious, but I know it’s there.
Well fast forward to today, I brought it up again and he freaked out. Like threatened to divorce me and kick me out of the house if I got it. What’s worse is he felt comfortable enough to say that in front of our kids. He said that I know he hates tattoos and he thinks they are trashy and that I’ll be trashy and unattractive if I get one. He also said I’m just doing it to rebel against my religious mother, which I denied.
I’m a grown woman. AN ADULT. (Which his response was that I wasn’t a real adult because I don’t pay the bills – I’m a SAHM). I’m not trying to be disrespectful or go against him, but it’s something I really want and I don’t feel like it hurts anyone and is something special with my best friend. I tried to compromise and say that I want to get it, but if he still hates it in 6 months, I’ll happily remove it. I’m just frustrated with the whole situation because I’m going to resent him for controlling my decisions AND disappoint my best friend. What should I do? How do you handle this?
TLDR: Husband says I can’t get a tattoo and he will kick me out of the house if I get it anyway.
Comments
If your husband threatens to kick you out over a tiny tattoo, the issue isn’t ink it’s control. Love doesn’t come with ultimatums especially not ones that crush your autonomy and self-worth.
Lmao your husband a puss. Get the tattoo, he cant control you like that
Does he take issue with tattoos in general? Or is it due to the friendship?
I’m not tracking…I don’t see the issue.
Yeah it’s your body. Get the tattoo.
You’re a grown woman. AN ADULT. And you married a man-child. If you won’t be disrespectful to him, I will. Your husband is a bitch.
You don’t need permission from anyone to do whatever you want with your body.
You pushed this man’s children out of your body and he had the nerve to say you aren’t an adult!? Because you care for them instead of working a paid job!? If you got paid for all the labor you did for him and your family I’m sure you’d be out earning him. This is a grossly inappropriate way to react in front of your children. Now they know just how fragile the family is… mom makes one misstep and our family is broken. I have plenty of feelings about his perspective but the biggest issue here is that he felt comfortable doing this in front of the kids.
It’s so weird you had to ask his permission.
You are the only one in charge of your body…YOU. The fact that you are in a relationship where his permission is required is deeply concerning. That, coupled with his demeaning comment about you somehow not being a “real” adult shows that he sees you as a subordinate, not an equal. Your husband is an asshole, and your problems here are bigger than this tattoo.
He’s a controlling asshole, I’d just say you’re looking trashy and unattractive with your caveman routine.
But this is deeper than a tiny tattoo, it’s how he feels so comfortable reminding you of your place and how he’s in charge, not a message I would want my kids to hear. In his mind, he holds all the cards, he doesn’t sound like has any respect for you at all, he even demeans your contribution to the relationship.
You’ve got bigger issues than a tattoo, the tattoo is just highlighting the unequal footing you have in this marriage, it’s his way or the highway is an ultimatum that you either give in for peace, or you go scorched earth and ask him where do I sign.
You are his wife, not his property to do with what he sees fit, and he may win this fight but you will have building resentment that will bleed into your relationship, so he see it as winning the battle but eventually I see him losing the war, when you reach your breaking point.
Yes you are a grown woman. You can get a tattoo if it wasn’t. No one can tell you no.
But your husband is also an adult. And is allowed to divorce you if you do something that he has told you that he doesn’t like.
He has made his decision. Now is your choice. Stay married with no tattoo. Or get a tattoo and move on from this marriage.
Reading about other peoples marriages makes me so thankful for my own. The shit yall put up with is insane
Sounds like you’re getting a divorce. Fuck that guy and him thinking he has a say in what you do with your body
You throw the whole man away because he is garbage. How dare he speak to you in that way? It isn’t up to him what you do with your body and he has some fucking nerve to say that you “aren’t an adult” when you are the mother of his children and dedicate your life you caring for them and him.
You deserve better. Literally a dead fish deserves better than this treatment. Don’t accept this bullshit from him.
This is exactly why I think financially depending on your spouse is a bad thing unless you physically have to meaning you can’t physically work a job. Look how fast he threw you being a SAHM in your face and threaten to kick you out knowing you depend on him for money. It’s your body but be mindful of the fact that actions have consequences your husband already told you where he stands on the matter so if you can handle the consequences of that get the tat. If not your friend will get over you not getting the tattoo.
Ha ha! Little pepe man sez woman can’t mark body but he just marked territory all over it.
RED FLAG RED FLAG RED FLAG RED FLAG RED FLAG RED FLAG Fuck that shit. NOBODY HAS THE RIGHT TO TELL YOU WHAT TO DO WITH YOUR BODY. He cannot kick you out of your house. I say let him, record him and get your pretty little behind to a lawyer. If you do not work you are entitled to alimony in addition to half of all your joint property. If he saddles you with the kids then you get even more. This is just the beginning. Today it’s a tattoo, tomorrow it’s a job or going back to school or friends that don’t like him. Eventually he’ll lock you away and punish you for looking at him the wrong way. Try to get access to your own money. If You are allowed shopping, take out cash and hoard it. If he checks the receipts, buy stuff and return it for cash.
I’m stuck on him saying you’re not an adult because you’re not paying bills as a SAHM. The tattoo isn’t the issue.
It’s not his decision.
Read – Why Does He Do That PDF Free download by Lundy Bancroft – Free Books Mania
He doesn’t get control over your body.
Time to get a job and get yourself secured.
Typically I would say consider how your husband feels with things like this.
However, threatening to divorce you and kick you out in front of the kids is fucking insane.
i wish i had some good advice. your husband is a turd for talking to you the way he did, kids or not.
he has zero respect for you. you are obviously not allowed to be a person. and holding that sahm shit on you is straight cromagnon.
i wish i had answers for you that would work. you and your kids are not safe.
You can get the tattoo and your husband can divorce you.
He can’t control you AND you can’t control him.
He said you’re not a real adult? Who tf is he fucking then? How can’t he see the fucking mother of his children as a “real adult”. Girl open your eyes to that bullshit.
You are a grown ass woman. He can fuck himself with any decisions he thinks he gets to make.
I’m a do it and ask for forgiveness type of person.
But he’s not your parent. He’s trying to control you, for whatever reason. And holding the fact that you are a SAHM over your head. Which is a job he could never do. 🙄
I mead I don’t know the man, but I think he’s all bark and no bite. Threats and manipulation to have his control. Not okay. Kinda toxic. But I’m not in your marriage. Idk what it’s like outside of this.
Contact an attorney to discuss this now and then check in while you are getting the tattoo.
He cannot kick you out of the house….he can try but you will have all your ducks in a row to ensure you are treated fairly.
Is this the only issue that is eliciting this type of response from him, or are you guys having other problems in the relationship. Big ones that is causing this level of tension or response? If this is the only one, you need to think long and hard about your next step because it could lead to divorce. If he is regularly acting like this and telling what you can and can’t do, then you need to evaluate if your marriage is worth working on. Is this a new stance on tattoos or has he always felt negatively about them?
lol. What kind of rage bait is this? Your husband doesn’t allow you to do something, what is this the 1600s? Come on be real.
Ask him why he’s having s*x with you if you’re not a real adult.
That’s a no go. You got the wrong one. Get your tattoo.
Omg this is MAYBE a REAL person OMG, but you said 3 years ago you were pregnant for the 1st time and now you say you have kids so your kids are at max both under 3. Your husband’s issues will not affect your children YET! Leave the controlling arse hole now. Go for the tattoo girl 🙂 If its going to be your only one maybe go for an area that doesn’t stretch. Ankles is a good one but bloody painful xxxxx
You have a husband problem. He’s controlling and doesn’t respect you. The tattoo can wait but planning your exit strategy can’t
, ,
This is literally abuse. He had less than zero say in what you do with your time or with body modifications.
It’s your body . Your choice . A man who attempts to control you does not respect you; he would deny you this simple joyful pleasure.
Let him divorce you and kick you out for getting a tattoo. See how your state handles that as a grounds for it. It’s your body. I am also sure he will regret that choice once you leave and he is stuck sorting out the children and/or paying support.
Your body…your choice
Get it done and tell him to beat it!!!
What you need is an escape plan. Your kids deserve a better life than he can give them or you.
Oh no! Hubby won’t “let you” ?
He owns you?
the remark about the SAHM situation shows just how much control he has over you
please re-read your post as if your words were a friend’s… what advice would you give them?
lawyer up; fuck that guy (not literally tho)
why again does he own your body? confused on that one tbh
He’ll “kick you out”? You’ll take him to court and get half of everything he owns and screw him on custody.
Your marriage sounds like hell if he says you’re “not and adult because you’re SAHM.” More likely that he’s the less mature one.
Your husband doesn’t get to tell you you aren’t allowed to do something with your body. That would make me laugh in his face and divorce him on the spot
Oooooooh no.
HIS RESPONSE WAS THAT YOU ARE NOT A GROWN ADULT BECAUSE YOU DON’T PAY THE BILLS??? That you are “only” a full time mother, housekeeper, chef, and valet to him?? FOUR jobs??
Heaylll No.
Get the tattoo.
LET him divorce you.
He’s the insecure controlling manchild here.
Well, now you have a slow cooker problem. Save the tattoo plan. Don’t plan on retiring with this one.
So he doesn’t see you as an equal because you do the unpaid work of looking after the kids.
He also threatens divorce as a means of control. And pulls this out over minor things.
The question is not about the tattoo but if you’re happy being owned by this person. You are currently his property.
If it were me, I’d accept his offer of divorce. This is not a healthy environment for the kids either. I grew up with a father who would threaten to divorce or cheat on my mother for every little ‘infraction’, he also controlled the finances as she was sahm for a while. That’s a form of DV.
As a kid it was a horrible fucking environment to live in and I speak to neither of them now, and haven’t for about 30 years.
Choose wisely here, you’re being shown who you married.
He can’t legally kick you out, but let him try. If he does, he will be in a world of trouble with the courts. Depending on where you live, they could see it as abuse and give you the house and make him pay child support/alimony. Get an attorney and be single. Fuck. That. Dude. He doesn’t respect you. Marriage can’t exist without mutual respect. No healthy relationship includes dominance and control. Period.
That certainly doesn’t sound like love. That sounds possessive and extremely toxic. I mean he wholly degraded you in front of the kids? That’s inexcusable.
You are going to need either a marriage counselor or a divorce attorney. His reaction is way out of line.
Are you 2? You don’t need Daddy’s permission. If it’s a hill he wants to die on and is calling you names, it’s time to seriously consider leaving. I was a sahm while my kids were growing up. When my ex started his bullshit about me not contributing etc, I went on strike. He had to cook, clean, laundry, childcare etc and work 40 hours at a physical job.
This has got to be fake
I can’t even imagine being controlling like this. I don’t personally like or want tattoos, yet I paid for my wife’s tattoo as a birthday gift a few years ago.
He won’t let you? Let that sink in. You’re a grown woman.
No self respect or self esteem eh?
The bar is in hell…
You dont have to ask him. He fiesnt freaking own you.
I literally only got through the title and like first sentence lol. Your husband said you cant do something…………………
It’s not like you’re trying to do something dangerous or morally wrong or something that is going to hurt your family’s health or wellbeing. This isn’t a major financial decision, not a major lifestyle decision…
I literally got a small hidden tattoo without my husband’s knowledge lol so maybe I’m the wrong person to weigh in on this. I immediately told him about it when I got home so it’s not like it was something I was trying to hide but he’d known I always wanted one or some and I just so happened to be out with the girls and it happened. He doesn’t have tattoos and doesn’t like them but…it’s my body not his and again, small and hidden lol wasn’t a massive back piece or sleeve or face tattoo. I can’t imagine asking for permission to do something like this, especially a tiny one.
This cant be the first time he has ever tried to control and belittle you. What have you done in the past?
Get the tattoo, tell him you are doing it to rebel against your controlling, soon-to-be ex husband and not your mom, then file for divorce.
Get out while you’re young.
Regardless of how this was laid out, the gauntlet has been thrown.
If she gets a tattoo, he will throw her out. She doesn’t have a job or a way to support their kids. She will have to move back home to her family or stay at a friend’s while the situation plays out. Eventually, there will be a reconciliation or a divorce, but the tattoo issue will always be a problem for them.
If she doesn’t get the tattoo, then he will feel justified in “keeping her in her place”. She won’t be in a marriage of equals and will have to come to terms with it.
Religiously, tattoos can be seen as an overt act of sin (Your body is a temple). If your family is religious, then the issue is more than just a mark on your body.
If she wants to test the waters to see if he is just bluffing, then get a henna tattoo. It’ll wear off in a couple of weeks.
If it were me, I wouldn’t get the tattoo but would demand that the relationship change to one where she becomes an equal partner.
manage is about compromise. I can not help you. But what about if my life exp can somehow help. My mom came at me back in the day and said. ” I treat you like a war. I let you win some battles so that I can win the war.” I wanted a visible piercing but she said no because I would be judged because of the visible piercing. We settled on a different piercing that is covered up by clothes. I got my way while respecting her way. I for a long time wanted a friend tattoo being a male. (never got it). But i understand the emotional attachment. can you not tattoo the respect in a non visible location like botom of the foot or a place hidden. and come to his side. his stance is born in a different place than you. you both will never come together on this untill you can chance his psyology. Nothing wrong with actually working tword changing a perception. we have ingrained perceptions all the time. You both are right but caught up in that fact.
what about collectively as a partnership of compromises understanding eachothers feelings. How can you both get a tattoo and not be in a place that creats a sense of distance for me every day as I look at you and see something that goes against my taste. manage is compromise and growth. let’s dialog so I can express my feelings and understand why it discugsts you so much. This is something that I want! How can I do this and not disrupt you? Let’s dialog about this for a few months. physiology is a crazy and powerful thing. I love you and this is important to me yet so are your feelings. How can we resolve this?
I have seen lack of communication ruine so many things. Ppl, Stop playing games. Say what you mean, and mean what you say. Communication is key. I can’t read your mind or feelings. Talk to me. Understand that sometimes brother syndrome is in play. We get negatively charged to auto disagree Just because you are my wife/sibling. Sometimes words from a stranger are more powerful. A healthy relationship takes compromise and hard work. It’s not easy.
Eject, it isn’t worth staying with him.
he’s been this controlling all along, this is the first time you’ve considered going agianst him… between now and dead, how do you want to live your life? what cruelty is he modeling to your children? what acceptance of cruelty are you modeling for your children?
i’d tell him not to worry that he obviously misheard and thought that he was the one whose body was getting tattooed.
I think tats are stupid but if my wife wanted one who am I to stop her?
Get the tattoo and lose the husband. That’s ridiculous. Your body not his.
Wild that you needed to put this out on the internet
There is just no way this is real lmao y’all falling for engagement bait. This whole sub and r/AIO have just been completely taken over by engagement bait bots
I would get the tattoo and let the chips fall wherever He has no right to dictate what you do with your body
My question isn’t about permission (per se) but if your partner feels THAT strongly about something, I’d be thinking twice about doing it. It’s sometimes a fine line between one partner controlling the other and having the type of relationship where you don’t ignore their feelings.
then again I have always wanted and planned to get one. yet never ended up getting one nor ever think I will. At the end of the day I do not need a tattoo to represent friendship because my boy is a part of me and no tattoo will change that. in the end I have grown out of the need of a visible representation of our friendship. Because in the end. Its not needed. A tattoo won’t change it.
You knew who he was when you married him. You know who he is now. You know who he will be.
I wouldn’t marry a religious conservative. Lots of others wouldn’t, either. But you did. Being surprised now that he has.. conservative and religious slanted views… makes zero sense to me.
This is sorta like complaining about not being able to tow a boat behind the vehicle you bought, when you bought a fricking motorcycle. No shit. It won’t tow a boat.
Get the tattoo. If he actually divorces you for it, he is a douchebag and you are better off without someone that angry and controlling in your life.
You married an ass. I kind of agree that tats are trashy lol. HOWEVER, I’ll be damned if anyone is going to tell me what I can and cannot do. That’s a big hell no.
Get the tattoo and let him react. See if he was bluffing. Because if he meant it, you shouldn’t be married to him anyway.
😂
Get a temporary tattoo with your BFF and call his bluff.
Why don’t you kick this dinosaur out of your home – he does not know how to be a husband ?
Why would you marry someone like this?
Hi, this is disturbing on a number of levels.
How old are your kids?
I would strongly be considering divorce if I were you. And by that I mean actively planning for it without telling anyone but your lawyer
Word of advice from my wife who has tats and I don’t. Get one that is bigger than 1 inch. You will get better results and be happier with it in the future. A small tat will look like an ugly birthmark especially if you put it in a place that stretches and shrinks.
You need to evaluate what you think a marriage is.
That’s so crazy, my wife and I pretty much do what we want, the other will voice their opinions but we don’t own each other and we’re not the other’s parents either, the relationship that you’re describing sounds like a nightmare
lol. I’d love to see this dude get a divorce over this so he can see just how much of a real job being a SAHM actually is.
It’s not your body you’re married. If he says no it’s a no.
Ladies, let this be a lesson. Never rely on a man for your financial stability. Build your own security, have your own income, and protect your future. Love is a beautiful thing, but independence is non-negotiable. A relationship should be a partnership, not a lifeline. When you stand on your own two feet, no one can take your peace of mind away.
I do not have tattoos. I do not like them. They are not for me. My wife wants to get one. A small one on her ankle. She’s 55, a grown woman. Who the hell do I think I am if I get mad about that? It’s her body, not mine.
Just get the tattoo. If he divorces you it’s his loss.
He’s a right-wing chud.
What did you expect?
Get the fuck outta there, homie.
Fuck your husband, get the tattoo.
Get the tattoo. Let him divorce you
So many red flags here. This is not a healthy relationship. It’s easy to say leave him but honestly, at the minimum, you need therapy. Not the two of you but you individually. You need get to a place where you understand your worth because you deserve much, much better than this ❤️
My advice is: throw out ANY MAN that thinks he has possession over your body. Cuz he certainly the fuck does NOT!
He hates tattoos more than he loves you.
Um…no. your husband cant kick you out of your house. He can’t tell you what to do with your body. He needs to grow up. This isnt the 50s anymore if he wants a demure housewife that does whatever he tells her, why dont you let him find one while you’ll be living in your house.
Stop asking your husband for permission to live your life. Being a SAHM doesn’t mean he gets to dictate your time or spending.
Hold tf up.
He says you’re not an adult because you’re a stay at home mom???????
My fellow grown adult woman Sister in Christ, you have much bigger problems than a single tattoo.
Good luck on your divorce. Probably not now, you’re still far too ok with his controlling behavior while saying that you are not. You’d have an expensive & painful procedure to remove something off YOUR body because he demands you to?? GURL WAKE UP. He’ll open your eyes eventually. You’ll waste your best years and your super Christian hubby still gonna cheat on you.
I’m not even going to address the tattoo because it’s not about the tattoo it’s about control.
Being a SAHM is a full time job.
Good thing it’s YOUR body. I’d understand if you wanted a giant dick on your forehead but cmon. Especially if it’s tiny.
Get your tattoo and use “his” money to do it. Then send him a bill for the years you provided child care, housekeeping, cooking, and household managing. Also tell him that you have a divorce attorney on retainer.
You don’t want to be disrespectful to a man who tells you you’re not a real adult because you are a SAHM? Where’s the respect for you and your contributions?
I personally would require him to get marriage counseling (also to address the fighting in front of the children who are also being damaged by being exposed to this behavior). If he refuses then you have to decide how much of your life you want to have diminished by him. Because you are an adult and you get to make decisions for yourself.
Get yourself a tattoo and then some child support.
Your husband can’t tell you what to do unless you let him.
I didn’t know that in my first marriage… or just didn’t realize how much he manipulated me.
I didn’t read the post. I couldn’t get past the title.
Must be interesting to know the person you married is really revealing who he is .
Have you not seen this before or is this totally knew ?
If a person said that to me or made a comment about being a rebel , I can’t see myself engaging in a conversation with them and warranting a response like denial as if it’s to be debated .
To me that’s a send them out of the room , do not respond to comment .
I’ve only ever supported women and it’s your body .
Take whatever action you choose
>Which his response was that I wasn’t a real adult because I don’t pay the bills – I’m a SAHM
Hearing this would make me immediately start job hunting and then stashing money away. Like immediately. How can you possibly be ok keeping yourself in this situation now that you know this is how he feels?
Just one more example for the pile of religion breeding toxicity.
If a small meaningful tattoo makes him react this way you have much bigger problems to worry about.
What kind of loser has a tantrum at his wife in front of their children? You are an adult. You should have a partner who treats you as such.
Sounds like your partner hasn’t learned how to be an adult, a good partner or a good ‘Christian.’
ur husband shouldnt be controlling what you can and cant do lol
This is a hill both of you are willing to die on.
You need to get the tattoo.
He needs to kick you out.
Don’t kid yourself that you’ll be getting it removed in 6 months if he hates it:
Is the house in his name, but not yours?
Why does he have the right to kick you out?
He doesn’t think of you as a partner, he thinks of you as a belonging. He’s not your sovereign. Divorce is not a jumping off point for a conversation of this magnitude- it’s an ultimatum.
What’s more important your husband and marriage or your friend.Sounds like your friend means more than your husband and marriage.Its your body get the tatoo but be ok with being divorced and homeless when he throws you out.
“My husband says I can’t…..”
That’s not a husband. That’s your keeper.
Your husband is abusive and controlling.
This isn’t the first red flag.
You need to decide how much abuse you want to continue to take….
Girl, GET A JOB, save some money, and ditch that controlling man.
Your body, your choice.
Well in my case, this is how I got my first sleeve. I am not ones property. I am sole owner of my body. Go big or go home and fuck that guy.
Time to play the long game.
Get a job and save enjoy to leave him.
Good luck .
Yeah, no. He doesn’t have to like it, but he shouldn’t think it’s up to him.
I dont like tatoos/care for them…just paid $600 for a tatoo for my wife because its HER body.
Your husband or wife can’t tell you what you can do and can’t do. That’s not healthy.
Your husband is boring
I am sure this is probably something that you discussed before you got married. Granted things change over time but you can’t blame him for being upset if not getting tattoos is something you both agreed on prior and now you want to change the agreement.