Hi Two Hot Takes fam,
I love the pod and never thought I’d be writing in about something like this, but it really got to me and I’d love to hear your takes.
I (F28) have been collecting tattoos on my arm since I was 22, and I’ve slowly built what’s now a partial sleeve. It started after I suffered an oil burn that left me with visible scarring. I was really self-conscious about it, so I started covering the area with tattoos, some of which I designed myself. Each one holds deep meaning: some are tied to my culture, others to my mom, my grandma, my best friend. It’s been a form of healing and reclaiming that part of my body.
I’ve always felt empowered by them, but I’d be lying if I said recent beauty trends haven’t gotten in my head. The “clean girl,” minimalist, old-money aesthetic has made me question if tattoos are seen as “ugly” now or less feminine. I’ve been working on keeping my confidence intact, but it’s been a bit of a mental rollercoaster.
So fast-forward to today: my husband (M29, let’s call him Brian) and I arrived at his grandparents’ cottage where we’ll be staying for a few days. His grandpa passed away last year, and I really loved him, he felt like the grandfather I never had. I care about his grandma too, and have always tried to be on her good side, but lately I’ve had this gut feeling that she doesn’t really like me.
Tonight, we were all playing a game and someone asked, “Has anyone ever gotten a tattoo they regret?” We all said no… and then Brian’s grandma casually says:
“I bet some people have, especially people who get their whole arm. Like, how’s that gonna look when they get old?”
The room went quiet. Brian looked at me and instantly changed the subject. I laughed it off because I didn’t want to make it awkward, but inside I was crushed. It felt so dismissive, like something that means so much to me was reduced to being a bad, ugly decision. I couldn’t stop thinking about it the rest of the night.
We’re here for three more days and all I want to do is go home. I’m embarrassed, sad, and I honestly feel like crying. I know it might sound like I’m overreacting, but it’s just hard when someone you care about doesn’t see or respect a part of you that’s really meaningful.
Am I being too sensitive? How do I hold onto my confidence when someone I want to like me clearly doesn’t see value in something that’s been such a huge part of my healing?
Thanks for listening,
A tattooed girl who’s trying not to spiral 💛
Comments
Backup of the post’s body:
Hi Two Hot Takes fam,
I love the pod and never thought I’d be writing in about something like this, but it really got to me and I’d love to hear your takes.
I (F28) have been collecting tattoos on my arm since I was 22, and I’ve slowly built what’s now a partial sleeve. It started after I suffered an oil burn that left me with visible scarring. I was really self-conscious about it, so I started covering the area with tattoos, some of which I designed myself. Each one holds deep meaning: some are tied to my culture, others to my mom, my grandma, my best friend. It’s been a form of healing and reclaiming that part of my body.
I’ve always felt empowered by them, but I’d be lying if I said recent beauty trends haven’t gotten in my head. The “clean girl,” minimalist, old-money aesthetic has made me question if tattoos are seen as “ugly” now or less feminine. I’ve been working on keeping my confidence intact, but it’s been a bit of a mental rollercoaster.
So fast-forward to today: my husband (M29, let’s call him Brian) and I arrived at his grandparents’ cottage where we’ll be staying for a few days. His grandpa passed away last year, and I really loved him, he felt like the grandfather I never had. I care about his grandma too, and have always tried to be on her good side, but lately I’ve had this gut feeling that she doesn’t really like me.
Tonight, we were all playing a game and someone asked, “Has anyone ever gotten a tattoo they regret?” We all said no… and then Brian’s grandma casually says:
“I bet some people have, especially people who get their whole arm. Like, how’s that gonna look when they get old?”
The room went quiet. Brian looked at me and instantly changed the subject. I laughed it off because I didn’t want to make it awkward, but inside I was crushed. It felt so dismissive, like something that means so much to me was reduced to being a bad, ugly decision. I couldn’t stop thinking about it the rest of the night.
We’re here for three more days and all I want to do is go home. I’m embarrassed, sad, and I honestly feel like crying. I know it might sound like I’m overreacting, but it’s just hard when someone you care about doesn’t see or respect a part of you that’s really meaningful.
Am I being too sensitive? How do I hold onto my confidence when someone I want to like me clearly doesn’t see value in something that’s been such a huge part of my healing?
Thanks for listening,
A tattooed girl who’s trying not to spiral 💛
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Don’t let boomers off the hook by keeping quiet, if she can be judgmental so can you.
I had no idea they still let people your age drive!
I know you can’t wear shorts anymore so maybe we shouldn’t go out on such a hot day.
Hey do you remember the Great Depression, please tell us the stories!
Well, if she’s going to be rude to her visitors, she doesn’t deserve any. I’d suggest speaking to your husband to see where he stands and whether he can do anything about it. Is there a way for either of you to explain to his grandmother the meaning behind your tattoos? If he’s not going to support you, personally, I’d pack up and leave quietly – and avoid future encounters.
I was in my early 50s when I got my first tattoo. It was a cancer ribbon to represent my mother and my youngest daughter. They were both diagnosed with cancer in 2014 and diagnosed exactly 4 weeks apart, the very day my daughter had her first radiation treatment my mother was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer. 2 weeks and 2 days after my daughter completed her radiation treatment my mother passed away. And then just last year I had to a scenery kind of portrait tattooed on my right calf. The scenery was The view from my mom and dad’s trailer that my mom absolutely loved going to every summer and that was the view from her trailer she called it her hakuna matata tree. Back in the ’80s tattoos were ooh gang related now they are a form of art and so many more people get them and I think almost as many women get them now as men do. I’m going to be 59 this year and I have ideas for a couple of more tattoos that I want to get one of which will be a half sleeve. His grandmother is just old school. Find something the grandmother likes whether it’s birds or butterflies cats or dogs then print off some pictures from the internet and show them to her see how much she likes them and then tell her they are tattoos that somebody has gotten to honor their their pet or a family member or maybe just because it’s a animal they love. Don’t take it to heart enjoy your tattoos I love mine and I’ve had people make remarks but I get more positive remarks than I do good negative. Whether it’s a tattoo the way you wear your makeup or the way you wear your hair somebody’s always going to criticize only you have to love it.
personally i think tatted old grannys look sick as hell!
im suprised i made it this far, so old age is just bonus years to me- theres a lot of life to live and ill have earned every ink spot and wrinkle
Shes an old lady. Dont put thought into it. You wont care what you look like when youre old.
Tattoos have become more common and socially acceptable with time, disliking them is a common “old person” opinion
I wouldn’t worry about it, your husband obviously doesn’t dislike them given that he married you! Who cares what other people think
It sounds like she caught you in a sensitive moment. And that sucks.
Firstly stop trying so hard to make her like you. I mean that as gently as I can, but seriously. Not everyone will like you, and by trying to get her to like you, you’re opening yourself up to letting her hit you like this. I know she’s family, but sometimes family are shitty people whose opinions should not matter. Take a step back and reflect on this for a little bit. The opinion of someone who doesn’t like you does not matter, okay?
Secondly, get off TikTok and Instagram or whatever social media bullshit is feeding your insecurity. Tattoos are just like piercings or dyed hair or glasses or whatever. Some people like them. Some people don’t. They do not make you ugly. They do not make you less feminine. At the end of the day they’re just pictures on your body and they do not have impact on your personal worth.
I’m like heavily tattooed, both arms, both legs, hands, neck, torso, and I still participate in the clean girl and old money “trends”. I put trends in quotes because that’s just how I dress now, minimal makeup, not a lot of logos, lots of buttons downs and linen trousers. I think all these aesthetics and trends make people forget you can dress and look however you want and don’t have to make yourself fit in only one box. Personal style is a thing that you don’t have to sacrifice for the sake of fitting in and you can take what you like from whatever trend or aesthetic and make it your own.
That being said, grandmas being a bitch for no reason and it shouldn’t make you feel bad about yourself. That comments says more about her than you. Tattoos are empowering, liking what you see when you look at yourself is empowering. When anyone says anything about my tattoos I tell them I like art. I don’t owe anyone the justification of them having some deep personal meaning, I like and collect art.
I’d be honest with her. 🤷🏻♀️
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. (Eleanor Roosevelt, I think)
It’s okay for this to be sensitive for you! It’s normal to struggle with confidence! But you shouldn’t give her the power of dictating your self-worth or enjoyment of the trip.
Easier said than done. If you need to leave you need to leave. But regardless, you need to know she only makes you feel bad if you let her. Her remark was mean and careless—a reflection of her and not you.
Older people are often less accepting of tattoos and it sucks. But also don’t pay attention to the new beauty trends and aesthetics and bullshit. You got your tattoos for you. It doesn’t matter what some rando influencer thinks is in style for the next 15 minutes. It will literally be different next year.
Did you get the tattoos because you thought everyone under the sun was gonna like them, or did you get them because you liked them? Not everyone likes tattoos, especially ones that cover large areas. That’s their preference, everyone has a different view point. No one is obligated to feel the same as you. I wouldn’t take it personally. You’re both allowed to feel however you feel.
Just cause something means a lot to you, doesn’t mean anyone else will feel the same as you. Doesn’t make either of you wrong, you just differ. Yes she could’ve kept it to herself, but you also don’t have to change yourself just cause someone doesn’t feel the same as you. She’s not obligated to see tattoos the same way you do. You have different opinions, it’s not a big deal. Rock your tattoos, they’re for you, not other people. Some will like them, some won’t, all that actually matters is that you like them.
“Well it’s a good thing you won’t have to look at it for much longer, now isn’t it? What? That was rude and uncalled for? Oh my.”
“Well good thing you don’t have tattoos! You won’t have to worry about it! I honestly can’t wait to be old, my tattoos help me express myself and I love them!” …Don’t let a little old lady bully you 🙄
Respectfully, the last person you should be taking style or identity advice from is a rude, boring, and judgmental old lady.
And when you are older, if your biggest regret is your tattoos, then I’d say you’ve lived a good life and should be counting your blessings.
You’d had to know that not everyone was going to feel about your tattoos the same way you feel. You have to be confident enough not to just wear them but to stand up to the critics.
Why do you have to stay there? She’s a mean old bat. I’d leave. And who was the one who asked the tattoo question. What an odd thing to bring up out of the blue.
You’re not being sensitive she was being insensitive and she did this on purpose. She targeted you by the way that nice little lady is not so nice
I worked as a nurse in Emergency and one shift I was doing an EKG/ECG on an 82 year old lady, this means her chest and shoulders were exposed. When I removed her gown, I was so surprised to see so many colourful tattoos. I was visibly surprised and said “Wow! The colour is SO bright! Whoever did this did a good job!” Thinking that she had it done many years ago. She smiled and told me immediately “”Thank you! I had it done 1 yr ago!” Then she added “I wanted them my whole life, but I had to wait until my husband and son passed, because they refused to let me and I did not want to disrespect them, so I’m happy I was able to get them finally!” Her answer took me by surprise. I was sad she had to live a life where she felt she couldn’t express herself, but I was also so happy for her that she finally got to have the art she had always wanted. Moral of the story ~ no one cares what your tattoos look like when you’re older! In fact, it’s more of an interesting story to share. Don’t feel sensitive or bad at all!!
Don’t let someone inside your heart that doesn’t belong there honey. Guard the gates of your heart; for in it are the secrets of life.
I mean, my grandma has thrown a fit every time any one of us has gotten a tattoo or a piercing or dyed our hair or cut it in some way she doesn’t like… She’s old, we let her flap her gums and do what we’re gonna do anyway.
You are beautiful and your tattoos are beautiful, especially because they are a part of you and they are meaningful to you. Grandma-in-law is allowed her preferences, but only as far as her own body. She does not get to say that you regret or should regret your tattoos—She doesn’t know what she’s talking about. If she brings it up again, ask her how painful it was to have her tattoos removed, because she sure as hell can’t be talking about yours!
Her opinion is certainly archaic and can be filed under “olds have bad opinions”. If she actively doesn’t want to like you, it’s her loss. Obviously you are a thoughtful and caring person. Decorate yourself however makes YOU happy.
You’ve been getting tattoos for years and have never heard that before? Better get used to it. People say it all the time.
As someone whose not tattooed, I find this so frustrating. Your worth is not something that should be held in other people’s words. My parents have always made comments about my siblings tattoos, they’re from a different generation. I personally LOVE the look of tattoos on other people. Never really fully committed to the idea myself so I haven’t – but who knows! Trends come and go, if you love them that’s all that matters.
Best approach, stand up and dead ass stare her down when she says rude and hurtful things; then just silently walk away. Don’t ignore it, don’t respond angrily, don’t say a single word. Make it awkward as fuck and let everyone around see the behavior. It works like magic 9/10 times.
Other option, the I dgaf response “well I’d only regret my sleeve if my arms flapped around when I get old like SOME PEOPLE’S do”.
If you get tattoos you deal with the criticism. Stop caring.
She shouldn’t have said anything, but I wouldn’t put too much stock into what she said. If you like your tattoos, then that’s all that matters. When you get older, you’ll reach a point where you don’t care about anyone’s opinion of you. You can start that now and not wait. It’s really the best feeling.
You could be snarky and say that it’ll probably look good because it’ll hides all of those ugly, disgusting age spots that old people get.
Damn girl you’re sensitive , you’ve never thought about aging with your tattoos and you have some grandma making you cry? I just don’t get it
Shes old. Who cares what she thinks?
You don’t need everyone to like you. My family hates my tattoos and always complain about them. I would let it go.
Why would some other random person be so preoccupied what another would look like when they are old? Judgemental old bat.
Just remember: her problem is not your problem. Straighten that crown and slay queen!
I have a full body suit. I get that stupid question all the time, but if I ever get it from an older person i say “wrinkled and hideous, just like your skin”. It’s fucking rude but don’t comment on other people’s bodies, cunts.
You should have said, my arm will look better than yours does now, I’ll have color and the wrinkles won’t be as noticeable as yours are! 🙂
Mean old ladies are just bullies like they were when they were younger!
I know your tats are beautiful. Don’t let the hag get to you!
Grandma is being judgmental about something she knows nothing about. And at her BIG AGE she should know better than to act that way. Game or not. She’s speaking from a place of ignorance and everything she was told by other ignorant people. But it doesn’t necessarily mean she hates you or did it with malicious intent.
If you had planned on staying for so long with her, maybe talk to your husband and tell him how it’s made you feel. Avoid “your grandma hates me” and go for more “when your grandma said that thing, it made me feel XYZ and now I’m uncomfortable”. See if he can talk to her or at least be extra supportive of you while you’re there. And I’m sure your husband enjoys your tattoos. If grandma makes another comment after that just remind her of that 😉.
My parents said the same thing. Old people say shit because they think their opinions are important. They were also a generation that was obsessed with image and purity. My parents said the same thing about my tattoos. As my body and skin changes the last thing I worry about is how my tattoos look to other people. Wear your tattoos proudly or grandma will feel emboldened to talk about your body. And next time you can say that she won’t be around to see your wrinkly tattoos anyway. No? Too mean? Ok fine.
Go home. Come back and pick him up in 3 days if necessary if he can’t get a ride home. Too far to go home? Find a nice place to go visit and leave him the old bag to deal with. Don’t be bothered again. She can treat her own blood miserably.
Who cares she’ll be dead soon.
You know how theyre going to look when you’re old? Badass, you keep doing you.
I think I would have been petty and said innocently in front of everyone, ‘I know you can’t mean me grandma because I am proud of the beautiful artwork that I am covering the scarring of my oil burns with. I’ve turned something painful into something meaningful. If you’d ever care to learn what each one means to me, I’d love to sit and explain & show each one to you over a cup of tea. In fact, I could even show you the before & after pictures from the accident to my sleeve so you can see the progress! We could make an afternoon of it.’
Is she aware of the reason you started getting tattoos in the first place? Perhaps that will soften her a bit if she’s aware of the background. But one way or the other don’t let her bring you down. You put a lot into it, a lot of thought, love and artistic creation. I am 65 old woman with just a few tats hoping to get at least one more in tribute to my late soul dog.
Try having a meaningful conversation with the grandmother over tea or after breakfast and explain to her the reason that you’ve gotten the tattoos on your arm, which is to cover the scar, some of it relating to your mother and grandmother, and I don’t know what your “culture “he is regarding tattoos, but just kind of feel grandma in on this and you may see a change in her attitude toward you. This could be a healing moment for both of you. Or you can go home and sulk.
Multiple things can be true at the same time. Her comment is rude and not appropriate, but you are also being “too sensitive”- I hate that phrasing but can’t think of a better one.
Tattoos are a lot more normal than they used to be and people are far more accepting than in years past, but when you chose to get visible tattoos you are choosing to move forward in life with permanent things that people will comment on, and unfortunately I don’t think people really consider that as much as they should before getting tattoos. I have a full sleeve, working on more and my husband has two full sleeves and then some. It’s an unfortunate fact of life that as long as the sun goes up and comes back down, people will touch your arms, ask you invasive questions about their meanings (if there is any), give compliments and inevitably make rude comments about them as well. It’s not right, it’s not acceptable, but you just can’t change other people and you can only control yourself and your own reaction when it happens.
In the setting you were in, that’s generally when ill respond with something like “if I reach the end of my life and my tattoos are my biggest regret, that is such a lucky life”. If I’m sick of that persons shit, it’s more along the lines of “hopefully you won’t be around to see it”. But like I said- you can’t make people not comment on them or be polite. At the end of the day all you can control is how you let it effect you
Coming to accept yourself, scars and all, can be very difficult. I myself wore long pants all summer in 100+ degree heat because I didn’t want people to see the surgery scars running up and down my legs. It wasn’t until I got my most recent scar (almost died of an infection) that I rewrote my own story and they’re my battle wounds.
Don’t ever let anyone take away from how you feel about yourself! If your tattoos hold meaning and have allowed you to accept your body, f anyone who disagrees. Ask yourself why dies her opinion hold weight? Because you want her to like, because you respect her opinions, because you fear others think the same?
Always remember that those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.
Grandmas a dick, don’t let her get to you. I would have your partner say something about how rude that was. She needs to hear it from him
Friend, tattoos aren’t inherently “masculine” or “feminine” as a whole in our modern culture – well, unless you actually have a penis or vagina tattoo.
Evidence of tattoos and tattooing have been tied to women dating waaaay back. One of the earliest pieces of evidence to the practice of tattooing in North America is a female Inuk mummy dated to the 16th century. Mummies and preserved remains from the hanging coffins of the Philippines have included women with full arm tattoos.
For centuries, tattoos and tattooing proliferated with styles and techniques specific to women among indigenous populations before it became associated with criminal or unsavory characters.
In our older, more conservative generations, there’s the assumption that tattoos are linked to crime. I’d be willing to bet, if you really got down to brass racks, there’s an element of systemic racism there, considering how many colonized cultures included women with tattoos.
All this rambling to say, “Fuck ’em.”
Your tattoos are a part of you, your history and identity, no different than scars. If someone doesn’t like you for your tattoos – something that is decidedly surface level – they aren’t worth your time or concern.
Tattoos were frowned on with her generation of women…..because at one time only wild guys in the navy got them. in her case go ahead and tell her about the scars and how you not only covered them but added the other things which had a meaning in your life as a way to come with them. Explain to her what they stand for. That would melt her heart alittle. I’m old and when a girl explained her tattoos standing for lost relatives she’d loved, it certainly melted me. That said, so many people have tattoos now that is isn’t looked down on that much . It’s more of a curiosity than a put down of people And a long sleeve top can give you a break from them. If any peek out, there is a make up called derma blend leg and body cream make up that covers everything! That put on plus a loose translucent powder over it keeps it on through even swimming. When I had to have a fence built I hired the guy with the full body tattoos over a polo shirt type guy because he gave me such a well made bid that even tho his price was higher I knew from the through bid that he would be precise in his work and he was. So be like him, competent in what you do. Be the first to jump up and clear the table or do things for the grandma and she’ll like you in no time at all. When you get older with more confidence, you’ll realize what anyone thinks of your tattoos are their problem and bias and not your problem. Hugs.
She’s just envious. Her tattooist ‘Sailor Shakes’ was crap & she’s been hiding terrible blowouts for decades.
Meh I got my first tattoo at 18, I’m 39 and the last tattoo I got was 2 weeks ago. I’ve got half sleeves on both arms, one leg, and am working on the rest — I’ve got probably 40% body coverage at the moment. My husband is 42 and he has an entire Japanese bodysuit. My Dad straight told me that he loved my husband’s tattoos, while he considers mine to be trashy. You got your tattoos for you. If other people don’t like them that’s fine, it’s not their body, it’s yours. Other peoples opinions don’t matter, because ultimately it’s your body and your life. Don’t let one comment ruin something for you when ultimately that persons opinions don’t matter.
My 54 yo mother and I just got matching tats today! Plenty of older ladies have tattoos with no regrets and are happy to keep getting more.
I adore my dad. He hates my tattoos. But he loves me. Not every person will like every aspect of you. That is ok. You’re unique in your own way and her judging the tats does not mean she is judging you as a person.
Your husband should ask her to apologise. Old people think their age excuses their downright bullsh*t like this way too often.
Old people with tattoos look awesome
You’ll have a story on your arm, whereas that old bitch just has old saggy arms.
No, that was incredibly insensitive and rude of her and uncalled for. You’re not overreacting.
OmG I’m so petty I’d never say it out loud but like this just popped into my head as a response:
“You mean like you?” (Referring to the old part lmao). Ugh. I’d distance myself from her and just keep it curt till you leave. I’m truly sorry that happened.
My wife’s parents never liked me when we first started living together. I didn’t let it bother me. Eventually, over the years, they warmed up but we moved across the country and it kind of became irrelevant. Try not to let it get you down.
I think you need to brush it off, grandma has extremely limiting beliefs, but a very common one from the past. Many many many many people hold that opinion. Doesn’t make them right.
Take it from someone who is covered from the neck down..ignore them. Ignore it all. I just had a geriatric scoff and ask me “why would you do that to yourself”.
I used to get upset over the comments people would make, but I slowly learned their opinions are worthless. Continue to get tattoos. Get ones you love, get silly ones, get whatever the hell you want. Because it’s YOUR body.
You will have to come to terms with people making comments and giving dirty looks, it comes with the territory. It’ll just get easier over time.
Dude, who cares? If you like them that’s all that matters. I’m fairly covered and my “old money” family hates mine. It’s your body.
You’re not overreacting at all. That comment was a low-key jab disguised as casual talk. Older folks get away with stuff like that too often. Your tattoos are your story, not her aesthetic.
Grandma’s opinion isn’t exactly a hot take as that is how lots of people feel. You must have known that when you got them because it is common knowledge. I think the real question you have to come to terms with is do you regret getting them? You said the, “clean girl Minimalist look” or something? I’ve never heard of that but is that something you admired now?
I am working on my own sleeve and thigh and have been since my 20s. I love my tattoos, and I’ll love them when I’m older. If I’m in my old age, I’ll be more concerned about living my whole life than you know, worrying about my already droopy, wrinkly skin.
Oh, I feel so sorry for women in their 20s. It’s completely normal to still care what other people think. The best thing about getting older, especially 40s plus, is that your giveadamn really does get busted.
Remember this, you would rather be someone’s shot of whiskey than everyone’s cup of tea.
You’re being as sensitive as you want to be and it’s okay. Here’s the thing though- other people don’t have to validate, value, or understand you. As much as we want respect for our choices, we aren’t owed anything. Other people also have a right to their own opinion and preferences. Never look to anyone else for validation or approval. Validate yourself and be okay with that. To each their own, shrug it off, affirm to yourself that you’re in charge of your body and feeling connected to your art and that healing power is what matters. Grandmothers are a subgroup of people with whom tattoos are unpopular in general and it’s not surprising for one close to you have that opinion. Normalize dismissing the negative opinions of others and elevating your confidence in your choices.
“If the worst thing I ever live to regret done in my life is tattoos, then I’ll be good with that. But I’m pretty sure I won’t regret them.”