We’re newly married, but we’ve been together for 5 years. I’m 26 and he’s 27. We recently started talking about writing our wills, just in case something ever happens. I assumed we’d naturally leave our things to each other—savings, investments, whatever we have.
But then he told me he plans to leave everything to his mom.
Not a part of it. Literally everything. His reason? She needs the money more than I do. She’s not broke, but she owns her own business and lives a pretty comfortable life—vacations, shopping, all that. Meanwhile, I was just sitting there in shock.
I like his mom. We get along well. But I told him, if you’re worried about her finances, why not help her now instead of waiting until something terrible happens? What hurt the most is that he didn’t even think of me first. I’m his wife. I would never leave him out of mine.
He said things would be different if we had kids. But that didn’t really make me feel better. Aren’t we already a family?
It’s not about the money. It’s about feeling like I matter to him in that way. If something happened to me, I’d want to make sure he was taken care of. That’s just love, right?
Now I’m sitting here wondering—am I overthinking this? Or is this a red flag I should be paying more attention to?
Comments
That’s not just a red flag—it’s a whole marching band. You’re his wife, not a roommate. The fact that he didn’t even consider you says a lot about where you rank in his priorities. It’s not about money, it’s about feeling like you’re his person. And right now, it kinda sounds like his mom still holds that spot.
Nah that’s definitely a red flag.
You’re not overthinking—it’s giving “placeholder until further notice.” A will isn’t just paperwork, it’s a reflection of who someone truly prioritizes when they’re not around to say it out loud.
That’s a major red flag. Especially because it presumes over the course of your lives that you will make zero contribution, and deserve zero ownership, of marital assets. If he passes suddenly he just plans to take all that you’ve built together, and hand it to his mother?!
Your point about family is also valid. Fiance and I don’t have kids together, and he does have kids with his ex. He and I have still discussed how if he predeceases me, how we would take care of them without taking everything away from me.
Either your husband has not thought very hard about this, which is a red flag, or he has, which is a bigger red flag.
The reddest flag there is