I’ve been dating my boyfriend (23M) for 3 years. I’ve had a history of not really getting along with his mother. I just don’t think she’s that great of a person. My boyfriend and I had a break in the early stages of our relationship where he was with another girl. Once we got back together, my boyfriend cut all ties as she was negative for him. AITA for getting upset that now his mom, his brother and his brothers girlfriend attending her baby showers, meet the baby etc (that she had with another man) ? I get upset and try to talk to my boyfriend about it but he says he’s tried, and it’s out of his control that his family doesn’t care what he thinks /wants. And has given up, he doesn’t want to disturb the house. But I’m still affected by this.
(We live with his mom at the moment)
Also, the man she had this baby with is her daughter’s ex baby daddy. (She’s made the family cut all ties with the daughter/sister, because she’s “crazy”. I don’t know much about this situation tho)
Advice, thoughts etc, all welcome thanks
Comments
📣 Reminder for our users
>1. Check the rules: Please take a moment to review our rules, Reddiquette, and Reddit’s Content Policy.
>2. Clear question in the title: Make sure your question is clear and placed in the title. You can add details in the body of your post, but please keep it under 600 characters.
>3. Closed-Ended Questions Only: Questions should be closed-ended, meaning they can be answered with a clear, factual response. Avoid questions that ask for opinions instead of facts.
>4. Be Polite and Civil: Personal attacks, harassment, or inflammatory behavior will be removed. Repeated offenses may result in a ban. Any homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist, or bigoted remarks will result in an immediate ban.
🚫 Commonly Asked Prohibited Question Subjects:
>1. Medical or pharmaceutical questions
>2. Legal or legality-related questions
>3. Technical/meta questions (help with Reddit)
This list is not exhaustive, so we recommend reviewing the full rules for more details on content limits.
✓ Mark your answers!
>If your question has been answered, please reply with
Answered!!to the response that best fit your question. This helps the community stay organized and focused on providing useful answers.I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
You’re not wrong for feeling upset—your emotions are valid, especially given the history and how closely tied you still are to his family by living with them. What makes this situation especially hard is that the connection isn’t just casual—it’s emotional and layered. His ex isn’t just a random person from the past; she was significant enough to be involved during a break in your early relationship, and now she’s tied to your boyfriend’s family socially, even though your boyfriend himself cut her off for being toxic.
The specific sting here likely comes from feeling like loyalty lines are being blurred. Your boyfriend did what you’d expect from a committed partner—he distanced himself from someone harmful. But his family hasn’t followed suit. Instead, they’ve continued a relationship with someone who not only affected your boyfriend negatively but who now has a complicated and questionable history with his own sister’s ex. That’s not just messy—it’s outright disrespectful to everyone involved.
Now, your boyfriend saying he “gave up” because it disturbs the household is a red flag. Yes, family dynamics are hard, but if you’re living with his mother and you’re supposed to be building a life together, your comfort should matter. He may feel powerless, but emotionally checking out because he “can’t control” them leaves you to carry all the emotional fallout alone.
Bottom line: You’re not wrong for feeling bothered. The issue isn’t just who they hang out with—it’s about the lack of boundaries, respect for your relationship, and support for your well-being in a shared living space. If you plan to stay long-term, it may be time to push for some changes—either in how your boyfriend supports you emotionally or in finding a healthier, more independent living arrangement.
People get to choose who they interact with.