I don’t know how to evan start, I feel like a complete a utter waste of time and yet I really hope to get some advice here. Sorry for the rant ahead.
I’m the oldest 24 currently recently graduated college, stayed with parents only to save money while I apply and hear back from architecture school.
I feel completely alone at home, I’m too busy to stay connected my friends and don’t have enough money to move out. My parents have been strict my whole lives and I’ve always listened, trying to to earn there praise, they’re older and must have a better idea on life than me. I’ve never dated, or go out bc I’ll get accused for not being focused on goals. But I’m starting to feel that I’ve been manipulated into thinking they Still see me as family or Evan really liked me outside of what I brought home good grades, awards etc. Whenever anything coming from myself, I’m immediately criticized so I stay quiet trying to not forget who I am until I can leave. It’s becoming too much for me, Evan when I stay quiet I still get flack for that. I don’t know what to do, I’m trying my best to not be a bother, take care of much younger siblings, work 3 jobs and waiting hear about school, it’s not like I’m not trying to move myself forward. But it doesn’t matter it’s never enough. Today I found out I’ve been waitlist from dream school and rejected from the others I applied to. Im scared to say anything bc I know it’ll be thrown back at me as fuel to told off on. And proof of my incompetence. But I really don’t know what to do or at least hope to hear some success stories here, how does this get better.
I’ve tried to move out during college and got threatened to never see my siblings again. I felt like I would be leaving them alone to face everything I went through, I couldn’t do it.
Now I feel trapped, I felt similar and the past but I had school to motivate me and even then whenever they felt I was getting depressed or sad it’s gets worse, I have never gotten support from them when I’m down instead they double down on criticizing and getting angry at me for being too emotional. I don’t know why I keep going, maybe it’s because sometimes they show me glimpses of the parents they were when I was younger, when I felt they saw me as their daughter and liked me.