I (27,F) am the middle child of three siblings. My little brother (M, 19) has always been somewhat different from my older brother (M, 29) and I. My older brother and I are very close and we lean on eachother and view eachother as friends as well. I feel like my older brother and I are also close to my parents. When we’re in the living room, it’s my older brother and I and my parents. My little brother is the only one that isn’t present and is in his room. It’s been this way for years since he was little. He just never joined us.
My older brother has moved out a couple of years ago and now has his own family with his kids. Now It is only my little brother an I at my parents’ house. I can go weeks without saying one word to my little brother or him saying one word to me. He won’t even share a glance. He won’t even share the same breath in the same room with me. I call my brother more of a roommate. I wouldn’t consider him as a friend and I’m sure he wouldn’t consider me and my older brother as his friends either.
From what my mom has heard from other people, I guess my little brother is very conversational and open with other people, anyone but us really. I’ve tried to talk to him over the years, but he’ll just have a straight face and say “okay” or “don’t worry about it”.
As I’m going to leave for my medical residency soon, I get kind of sad. I don’t think he’ll ever reach out to me while I’m gone. I wish we were closer. I wish he was closer to my parents. He just does his own thing. I don’t know. Should I just accept that things are this way?
TL;DR – My little brother isn’t close to me and my older brother and my parents. I guess he’s willing to talk to anyone else but us. it makes me sad that I basically have no relationship with him. Should I just accept this?
Comments
Have you talked to him about this? Maybe try to show him you care and it’s important to him
What have you tried so far in terms of building a relationship?
There is a significant age gap here and, given how close you and your older brother are, is there a chance your younger brother has felt as if he’s simply not part of something?
Don’t get involved in his relationship with your parents – that would be unwise.
I am like your brother in my family. With such a large age gap between siblings, he could possibly feel like the black sheep of the family. What was the dynamic like growing up? When you were teenagers and he was still a child, if you were more focused on your own lives and failed to emotionally connect with him as a sibling and talk to him, I can see why he wouldn’t want to be around your family. Have you tried to get to know and connect to him? Ask what his interests are, what he likes to do, favourite music, things like that and actually try to be his friend. It’s possible he feels like an outsider if no one in your family has put in effort to actually get to know him and ask him about his life.