My little sister-in-law is 17 and has been trying for two years to pass her permit test. She has educational deficits from being “homeschooled” and then pushed through the public school system without ever receiving the help she needs. She has read the driving information book over and over, studied to the best of her ability, and takes the practice tests online and says she does well on them. She normally utilizes the headphones and has the questions read to her. Last time she took it on paper, because she says that normally reduces her test anxiety. She’s terrified of impending adulthood so I’m stepping in and have told her I would take her as many times as needed until she passes.
Is there anything we are missing to help her? She doesn’t have a formal diagnosis for any learning disabilities. I’m open to any suggestions. Different ways to study, workarounds, resources, calculations of the odds of her passing this thing by simply taking it a bunch of times (she needs a 20 out of 25 to pass). Thanks in advance for reading and weighing in!
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I failed 7 times after reading and studying the book. I found the book online and read it once that way and passed. There are only like 3 different tests. Let her know she can only fail the driving part 3 times and then you have to write to the state to try again.
11 times is quite frankly pretty absurd, maybe she really is stunted. Perhaps she should not be driving. Where I am there is a 3 or 6 month gap between someone who fails can even try again.
OR. Sit down with her, speak to her like a human adult and explain things to her clearly and confirm she understands by her repeating such in her own words. Doing this should give you a pretty good stance on her thought reasoning and logic.
AND if she does get behind the wheel of a vehicle. TEACH her. Make sure there is someone there to be calm and cool and explain things in ways she can understand.
In the end, not all people are fit to be driving a vehicle. She could be one of these people.
I don’t mean this in a disrespectful way by any means but if she’s terrified of impending adulthood do you think her driving is the best idea? I think addressing that issue is a lot wiser instead of having someone get behind the wheel, even if it’s just a permit and not the license.
She’s going to be driving a multi thousand pound machine that can easily harm her and others. It’s a lot of adult decision making…
How are her driving skills, according to her driver instructor and your observations? Can she actually drive? This can help you assess whether this issue is about anxiety, capacity, etc.
Because she has failed the test 11 times, I think you have to get to a more foundational level than study strategies and resources. Can she actually read? Does she have dyslexia? An undiagnosed learning disability? Is she going to graduate public school?
I would work with her school and her primary care physician to get referrals for a battery of testing so you can get a sense of what’s going on.
Agree with other posters. 11 times failing means there is an underlying issue.
So the easiest way to assess is to have her read to the manual to you and see if she has comprehension, vision, dyslexia, etc.
She has to stop using the headphones for practice.
What questions is she failing? In my state its like a list of 80 possible questions that are randomized, and you take 25 of them. If 5 of those questions are all about the exact number of feet to turn on your blinker or do a specific action, then its totally understandable.
Have her make flash cards with the questions on one side and answers on the other. Help her by asking her those questions.
Is it at all possible for her to wait a few years and try again?
To offer a personal story: I am not intellectually impaired at all, but I have ADHD (diagnosed in my teens) that has caused me to be a late bloomer in multiple areas of my life. When I was 16, I wasn’t ready to learn how to drive yet. I passed my knowledge test on the first try, but just couldn’t wrap my mind around actually getting behind the wheel.
So, I just went through high school and college without a driver’s license. I walked or took the bus to school and work, and I didn’t put pressure on myself until I was ready to handle it. I finally got my license when I was 24, and I’m now a confident and capable driver at 28.
Has she taken driving lessons with a professional? Having practical hands on experience may help her retain the information since she’s lived/experienced it.
She says that she does well on the tests. I would verify that.
It’s interesting to me that she does so much better with audio. If she’s able to get evaluated, I would have her tested for dyslexia, adhd, and anxiety. The issue could be as simple as severe testing anxiety but it sounds like maybe there’s a learning disability there. I disagree with other commenters saying she shouldn’t be driving. It sounds like she may just need the proper tools to get there first, which is hard to know what she needs without a diagnosis first.
Do you know if the issue is the questions/test itself or anxiety? I am also struggling to get my license and I’ve had many tries as well (finally got my learners permit!!!) And honestly one of the hardest parts for me wasn’t the test itself but having to take it in a big room FULL of people. seeing other people get it done while im still struggling because I cant think made it almost impossible to concentrate. Also the instructor i had told us that some of the questions are also specifically worded in a way that trips people up so to read it carefully. This could definitely make it more difficult. (Idk how it is in other states)
I hope she’s able to get her permit and you’re a really good sibling for being willing and able to support her. Everyone saying she doesn’t need to drive is disregarding the fact that in many places there is literally no way to get anywhere. Especially if you’re in a more rural area, MO has limited public transportation. There’s also the aspect of freedom and accomplishment.
Definitely make sure she has someone that is able to teach her to drive (if you’re able to do it maybe that’d be helpful?) And that she is able to drive safely.
People saying she shouldnt be able to drive dont realise struggling able to pass a paper test doesn’t equal being incapable of driving safely. Some people might struggle with the reading comprehension or test taking but their spacial awareness and other skills are fine.
They are absolutely different skill sets and here at least, the permit test involves almost nothing about actually driving a car, just laws and road signs.
Ok ask about accommodations for the test. In US you can have someone read it aloud for you and maybe different states have different accommodations. Look on the website and see about accommodations.
It just might mean she has extreme test anxiety and also some of the tests have a timed portion.
At this point (even if she knows the material) she’s psyching herself out and it sounds like her general level of anxiousness is getting the best of her too. Wait a few months, finish high school, get the stress of becoming “grown” dealt with, and then try again. If her stress level hasn’t gone down once her life has calmed down, consider medical advice.
If she’s illiterate (needs the questions read to her) then maybe for the best to keep her off the road.
If she hasn’t passed the test after 11 tries and two years, then count me among the drivers who are GLAD that she’s not on the roads.
I feel bad for her, honestly, but maybe sounds like she doesnt need to be driving. The stresses of taking a written test are MUCH LOWER than the stresses of driving a 3 ton death machine…
She says that she does well on the practice tests, but have you actually observed this? I’d proctor a practice test (or two) for her and see how she does. That will give you insight into where she’s struggling. If she doesn’t struggle on the practice test, then maybe it’s all test anxiety.
Says she does well on the online tests but you’ve not said if anyone has seen her do them or show the results… has she actually been doing them? Or just winging it on the day and failing.
Sit with her while she does a practice test. Something is not adding up. Maybe she’s failing on purpose or lying about doing well because she’s embarrassed. Maybe she’s someone who shouldn’t drive since she cant pass the initial test at all. You might need to teach her how to navigate the bus system in your area if you have one. Perhaps she needs one on one help to study.
Wow I passed mine buzzed and ran a stop sign during… not kidding Tuscaloosa, Al. 27 years ago
Sounds like homeschooling failed her. Can you get her a tutor or enroll her in driving school?
If she’s still in school, she should be assessed for a learning disability. Having a diagnosis would enable the use of accommodations (such as having the test questions read aloud, extra time, etc.).
I just want to say, you’re a great SIL, OP. Having someone in her life like you who cares about, supports, and hears her is so meaningful. I know you’re making a positive impact in her life. Well done!
If she can’t pass the test she shouldn’t drive.
I mean this with complete respect but are you sure that she is completely literate? It kinda sounds like she may have functional illiteracy given her schooling background
You might wanna fight some place either through the school system or Other some other way to see that she could get tested to see what her deficits are. You might even wanna look to see if she might be dyslexic.
I too when I was in school middle school and high school was passed out to the next grade when I shouldn’t have been I was part of the era of social promotion meaning they didn’t want me to have my self-esteem hurt.
At the time that I was supposed to graduate, I could not pass the math part of our state assessment test and there were two diplomas once saying that I passed a master of the requirements of graduation. The other one said that I just attended school and graduated.
So I dropped out an attended adult Ed night school and got my diploma there which is equivalent to a GED. This was over 50 years ago
It sounds like your sister-in-law might be slightly learning disabled, but not to the point where it’s noticeable
Are we sure she isn’t self sabotaging when she takes the test?
Try different ways to study.
Read questions and have her answer orally.
Make flashcards and have her speak and write down answers.
Do practice tests with her and make her stick with her first answer.
Seek counseling for the anxiety.
Try to realize you’re asking Reddit. The answers will mostly be unhelpful, and potentially cruel.
Some people have to hear things with headphones, others need to read them. If you can watch her take the practice tests on apps and online to see her strengths and weaknesses, and see if she’s passing the Missouri test.
A lot of people don’t drive. Many no longer bother with getting driver’s licenses. I got my now adult child to learn how and get their license anyhow. It’s one thing to choose not to drive, it’s something else not to be legally able to drive.
I don’t think she should be driving, frankly. If she has failed the test 11 times she is not prepared to be on the road and would not be safe.
Get her some therapy. You said she does not have an official diagnosis – get her one. Find out what exactly is going on. Whether it’s all related to homeschooling or if she has a learning disability. Find out exactly what she’s working with and this will help her tremendously in everything in life. I’m not trying to be harsh or anything but you both need to know where’s she starting from
Sounds like one of those state run group homes for the mentally disabled might be a good place for her. They usually have busses for transportation, as well as work programs and handlers to keep an eye on them. No driving required, and no more basic responsibility to stress her out.
My sister in law didn’t drive till she was in her 40s another friend not till 35. My friend’s daughter is 25 she doesn’t drive either. Sometimes it just takes longer My daughter was in college when she got hers. I was 24.
Some people just aren’t meant to drive and it’s safer for all of us that way.
If they’re falling this often, please teach them about BIKES or SCOOTERS and for the love of God don’t make excuses for another terrible driver on the road.
DO NOT LET THEM ON THE ROAD. Sorry but sometimes these things are made to protect us and others on the road and not cause death. She will be very expensive on car insurance.
You can request an accommodation for the questions to be read. She has a reading comprehension issue.
She needs to be evaluated. Something isn’t right. Those tests are not hard and though lots of people take it more than once, I’ve never heard of someone failing 11 times.
Something else is going on here.
edit: after reading some of your replies, I don’t think she can actually read well. Which means she shouldn’t be driving at all.
In my experience, so many homeschoolers lack a sense of self efficacy and confidence that’s bred among kids who competed with others in a traditional school. If she believes she can’t, then she can’t. It sounds like she has convinced herself that she’s going to fail and it’s a self fulfilling prophesy. Options I would look to are repetition, confidence building in other areas of her life, and a couple of sessions with a hypnotherapist.
If you’re comfortable with it, it might not hurt to take her to an empty parking lot and ride with her while she practices. She may be the type of person that finds it easier to grasp things by doing them as opposed to just reading or listening to them b
What’s being done to help her with her terror of impending adulthood, a terror that’s possibly justified? Does she have any job skills, any household skills that would allow her to live independently, any friends, any social skills, any ability to interact with people outside the family?
She may need a hell of a lot more help than support during the driving test, BTW which is lovely, OP, so thank you! But she may need to see a licensed professional regarding her anxiety and fears for the future. Because a good counselor doesn’t just help with irrational fears, they can help people find ways to cope with 100% rational issues, like not being prepared for adulthood.
After the 5th time it’s time to give up, 11 times is telling her driving just isn’t for her
I think your first step is going through the book and some practice tests with her to determine if it is, in fact, a comprehension issue. I somewhat doubt it is if she’s truly doing well on practice exams. But also ask if the practice exams are similar in nature to the actual exam…if not, dive into what’s different and see if there are some adjustment she needs to make in preparing for the exam. If she does well and seems to understand the material, this is likely an anxiety issue. She could be putting a lot of pressure on herself, thinking her future and her ability to escape her situation depends on passing this exam. That can be very daunting. Can she live with you, if she doesn’t pass? If so, assure her there are options and try to ease her anxieties. If she can’t, what other options are there? Can you help her find a job/apartment that’s near a public transit stop? Anything to let her know she’s not trapped forever if she doesn’t pass the next time.
She may honestly need to see a therapist or to discuss the anxieties with her doctor. They may be able to provide her documentation for additional accommodations like extended testing time, a private testing area, etc. (You would need to check with your state and see what kind of accommodations are available that might be of benefit to her.) They can also likely recommend some additional calming strategies. It sounds like she’s going through a lot outside of this…maybe she would benefit from therapy, regardless, to cope with everything and help her with making a healthy plan for her future.
You’re a good sibling for caring like you do and helping her. That love and support will go further for her than a permit ever will. Good luck to you both!
Maybe try doing a practice test with her? Get her to read the question aloud and then have a chat about the question – what it means and what the possible answers are. You can then look up the answer together in the book and make a flash card together.
This approach might feel gentler, not point out too many deficiencies in a tough way, and also help you assess where she needs the most help. Good luck!
I don’t believe that she is passing the practice tests. Have her take one with you there to verify. She may be functionally illiterate.
If she is in Ontario, Canada ask for a scheduled one-on-one test at a DriveTest Centre.
She will be in a secluded room with a qualified tester and the questions will be read to her along with the multiple choice answers. It will be the paper version and the tester will have the same copy/version of the test to read from.
She will be responsible about coming to her own conclusion about which one is a correct answer from the multiple choices and circling it on the paper, but she can ask the tester to rephrase the question, provide a definition for a word, and sometimes the tester can sketch a simple diagram. She can skip a question and go back to it at the end. The examiner has to stay in test mode and phrase their responses to the questions asked of them in order to stay very neutral and not leading to the answer. This sometimes comes off as “not friendly” but generally the tester is patient, supportive, and encouraging without giving special information.
She will then be asked to leave while her test is marked, and her grade will be given soon after.
Note that for safety and to mitigate any suspicion of cheating or of the tester “guiding” the testee to the right answer, there will be a camera in the room that records audio and visual (usually in the ceiling), but all test centres have multiple cameras in the main areas as well.
It is something that is not advertised but can be requested by the customer or offered by the DriveTest office staff (the DriveTest where I worked would have offered it to her by now…. 11 attempts through the conventional pathways is a lot!). There may be only limited appointment times, as the Centre will have to accommodate that a staff member will be not at the desk for that time.
Source: Me. I used to work in an Ontario DriveTest in a smaller town. Although relatively rare, we performed this style of testing. I was sometimes the one performing this test.
So I need some help with your math. Has she failed 11 times, meaning 3 times each visit or actually 33 times in 11 visits? Even if it’s 11 visits that’s still a lot of downtime between attempts in 2 years.
Maybe now isn’t the time for her to be learning how to drive…11 times of failing is pretty tough and it might hurt to just keep reinforcing that failure
If she’s failed that many times then she is either failing on purpose or has learning disabilities so severe that she should not be driving. Is anyone actually studying with her? Is anyone supervising her practice tests?
Im sorry but reading all the replies she has BIG problems that came with her homeschooling.
I can understand anxiety (im the first that has it), but she shouldnt rely on having things read to her as a form of knowledge, let alone for a test like this. Also, her using AI is the worst thing seeing how she struggles.
I’d consider bringing her to some specialist that can help her be at the same level as her classmates.
I dont know if she wants to go to college, but this isnt the way unfortunately
Take her out driving and use the test as driving instructions like make her pull up to a four way stop then ask her that question on the test that way she can visualize the question
If she is “terrified of adulthood” is she purposely failing the test?
“She says she does well”
Have you ever studied with her to see if she knows the materials? What areas she struggles in? Does she respond better to written questions? Oral questions?
It seems like she’s just been given the stuff to study and told to have at it. If you’d have been working with her you would know what her deficiencies are.
Not everyone should be driving. Get her a bus pass and call it a day.
I think she should set the idea aside for awhile. Revisit in a year. A lot of maturity can happen.
If she feels her anxiety is wrecking her test taking, she should see a therapist . Anxiety doesn’t have to keep her from achieving her goals
Some people should not drive. This is not a person I would trust behind the wheel
It seems pretty obvious that she can’t actually read. She uses headphones and AI because she can’t read the material. She’s failing the test because it’s written and there’s no easy way to cheat on it.
Forget about driving for now. She shouldn’t be on the road. She needs some kind of special tutoring to get her caught up on the education she missed out on.
In college a teacher recommended putting each question on a flash card with the answer on the back and then splitting the stack of questions into like 3 questions. Go over those 3 questions until you can’t possibly get them wrong anymore and then add 3 more questions. KEEP the first 3 questions but now study 6 questions until you can’t possibly get them wrong, then study 9, then 12, etc. until you are sure you have it.
Aside from that maybe talk to her doctor about something for as-needed anxiety that she could take to help get her through the test pressure day of.
Honest question, how much variety can there be in the questions that she can’t just muscle through on brute memorization of the correct answers by now?
Who’s her teacher, Mrs. Puff? Listen, she shouldn’t be driving if she can’t pass the test. Driving is extremely dangerous and not everyone should be able to do it.
Time to consider a bike or something, the permit test is easier than driving to the store, maybe focus on something less dangerous to build up the experience or confidence.
What’s the rush? Maybe have her take a break from taking it and come back to it in a year or something. It’s not her fault and nothing to be ashamed of.
There’s also no rush imo. Lot of other transportation options and it doesn’t sound like she has a car. I’d encourage her to focus on getting a part time job and taking some classes at the community college or adult school.
She needs an evaluation and likely has anxiety from her lack of education. You’re a good sibling- she will gain confidence and be ok. Therapy and exposure therapy itself will help a lot. I also was neglected, ND and undiagnosed till adulthood, and took a long time to thrive, and now I am a mom if you want to PM me.
I stopped trying the license/permit and tried again at 27 and passed!
What state is this? 11 times ? Is it the same test each time?
She can still get a non-driver ID until she passes the permit test.
Either she is not trying her hardest, she is extremely behind in literacy/logic, or she shouldn’t be driving at all