I know 99% of the people here reading this will likely just view this as immature, but I’m at a loss. I have been dating my partner for about 1 and a half years, and I knew her for 2 years before we began dating. I open with this to say that my intention here is a long term relationship, and I have no plans on breaking up with her. I normally know how to handle relationship strifes on my own, but this just seems so ‘out there’ that I’m finding myself at a loss. A couple months back, I offered to share a streaming service I pay for with my partner. She got upset with me because of the way I worded my offer. I essentially said something along the lines of, “and you can totally use my account if you want.” She argued that my diction (i.e. use of words such as “if you want” or alike terms) made her feel off about accepting my offer due to it seeming like some sort of burden to myself. I have clarified to her that this is absolutely not the case, and since then ive corrected my language around her to be ‘absolute.’ So, if it happened all these months ago, why does it matter now? Today I was talking to her about a show I wanted to watch with her and she mentioned that the show was on the streaming service that I have. Since time had passed, I just straight up gave her my account information over text and said “take it, im forcing you 😤” in a joking way, and reiterated that I insist. She only responded with “what is ruined it ruined” and has seemed distant ever since my offer. What in the world am I supposed to do here? I have fixed that habit of more passive language ever since that original mistake, and I thought with time this could be discussed again, but I seem to be mistaken. If there is anyone who has felt similarly to her or has any advice for how I can navigate this, I’d be very grateful to hear it. Thanks for reading.
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Your girlfriend is nuts and you have to leave her
You may want a long lasting relationship but she seems to be looking for any excuse to start looking for an exit ramp.
While I agree the original
Language is not very inviting and even a little bit not really wanting them to accept.
The ongoing issue with it is immature and now her being the problem.
Not
That you were ever a problem, you can be hesitant about a person using your things no matter what they are.
I would just drop
It.
She’s looking to be a victim at this point. A spoiled victim of not getting what she wanted when she wanted it.
i’m a girl and that just doesn’t make sense, getting mad about a streaming service and from what i read your wording wasn’t rude or harsh, was it your tone? or has she been extra sensitive lately?
If you take blame here and tell her you will try to improve, you are only going to empower more and more of these emotional overreactions from her. You have to be assertive now and let her know you think her reaction to this is ridiculous.
Does she always pick fights over nothing? This sounds ridiculous.
I sure don’t miss being 18.
Your girlfriend is being super immature. The issue she has with the wording is usually an issue when it comes to invitations to places and such, not offers to logins like you made.
For example, two people are talking about plans they’ve made in front of you. Suddenly they realise that you exist and theyre being super rude. As a way to save face they go “oh you could totally come if you want!!!”
Or maybe you’re texting with your girlfriend and you ask her if you can come over to hang out. Instead of being like “yes absolutely!!” She goes “yeah if you want” which kinda messages that she wouldn’t care if you two spend time together or not.
I would just drop this issue. Accept that she’s being petty about this and stop offering the logins. You’ve tried to make amends and she’s refusing it just to guilt you.
All I’d say is maybe “I’ve apologised for the streaming service issue, you’re clearly not ready to accept and that’s okay. If you change your mind at any point in the future just let me know and I’ll give you the logins.” And move on.
1000s of different ways to say the same thing and offer her to use your streaming service.
If someone was getting up in my face regarding how I worded it, I would be looking for an exit plan because there is nothing but drama coming your way for this relationship.
She wanted to blow a nothing situation in to a large problem. Under no circumstance would I accept blame, acknowledge feelings, or approve of her behaviour… Otherwise you just enable it and setting yourself up to always be in the wrong regarding brain dead situations because she wants to play victim.
I wouldn’t change my choice of language here… I would replace my GF with someone whose not an exhausting headache.
Trust me man… Get yourself a woman who brings peace of mind, not those who bring headaches. Walking on egg shells like this, ain’t no way to live.
“What is ruined is ruined”
She seems to making an effort to do some ruining herself
It’s frustrating when someone takes something so minor and turns it into a point of contention, especially when you’re already trying to be considerate… but maybe she’s using this as a way to feel more in control. Have you considered how she might be reacting to deeper insecurities rather than the streaming service itself?
there’s no winning when you’re dealing with someone who is on a mission to be offended/persecuted.
Im not the one on reddit that says you should divorce or break up, like 90 percent of the all high and mighty redditors you would normally see in this sub, but this seems like a trickling issue. If something this small can turn into animosity, then imagine bigger issue topics. You need to have a conversation about how uncomfortable you are with her taking a simple mis understanding this far(which you said can cause her to leave) and if she leaves then that proves she cant be the person that you need to talk things through with. Relationships are both ways.
>>She argued that my diction (i.e. use of words such as “if you want” or alike terms) made her feel off about accepting my offer due to it seeming like some sort of burden to myself.
Your gf is a very immature and a super-drag for being so dramatic about this. YOu can’t really do anything when a person is determined to take offense when none is meant. What you said was fine, both times. Time to push back a little instead of getting so spooked by an irrational reaction that you start bending over backwards to stay in her good graces. Good luck!
>I normally know how to handle relationship strifes on my own, but this just seems so ‘out there’ that I’m finding myself at a loss.
Are the problems often of this nature? Are they often about her getting bent out of shape about some perceived failure or flaw in the way you’ve acted and then you bending over backwards to facilitate the criticisms only for her to get upset anyway?
Because while yes it is immature, I don’t think it would matter the ages you are in that. It’s immature in the ‘doesn’t seem able to regulate her emotions’ sense and while age may be a factor insecurity and the like could also inform it. It just feels like she completely spiralled over something very innocuous and I kind of find it hard to believe it is the first time. I mean, look at that framing: she said the service was straight up ruined, that’s theatrical.
‘You can use it if you want’ is perfectly fine. It’s how many people would frame it, in fact I think I’d say that nearly verbatim, and that ‘if you want’ and ‘if you like’ are common ways to make clear something is on offer while trying to avoid them feeling obliged to take it.
But I don’t really think it’s about that. I think if it really is a trend that she might be the type that just seems to find ways to end up upset, to vindicate tantrums and taking swings at you. It’s really important you reflect on if that is the case because if your intention is a long term relationship a person like that is not a good candidate.
I’m cripplingly OCD and tend to fight my GF over all sorts of dumb ass shit about verbiage and so forth… but what is even going on here?
I do not understand at all even a little bit how this is an issue. She seemingly feels like you’re pressuring her into having the service so that when you ask her to watch a show on it she feels she must or like— dawg I’m gonna be real my head hurts trying to figure out the mental gymnastics she has setup here.
You should probably just outright ignore her bullshit or leave her.
She seems really deliberately difficult.
Smells like the smoke from another fire, dude. You tripped some emotional landmine from her past and she’s not mature enough to deal with it.
Apologize and move on. Make space for her immaturity but continue treating her with grace and patience. She’ll grow up.
She sounds very immature, you might not be bothered by her behavior now but in a few years you will be
Trust me when I say this, your relationship is doomed. It might not seem like a big deal, but the main reason partners get upset over something so stupid is that they’re not happy in the relationship and they’re bottling it up. And instead of being honest with themselves and their partner, they choose to subconsciously sabotage the relation by creating stupid fights like this. 1-2 years is a long time when you’re 16-18,. She probably still likes you but it’s only a matter of time before this relationship drags on and ends dramatically because you’re both too young and immature to realize the reality of the situation.
“i have no plans on breaking up with her”
then be quiet and don’t complain lmao. this is your life now if you choose to stay with her.