I’ve been together with my girlfriend for just over 1 year now, I was 21 and she was 20 when we met.
We spend 5-6 days a week together, we have the exact same interests, views, priorities, idea of fun & life goals. Not once have we argued or fought, we genuinely just enjoy living together.
I love here more than I ever thought was possible, nothing like i’ve ever felt with a past relationship. She makes it clear that she feels the same way and that she wants to spend her life with me.
However, I just can’t help but feel this is the illusion of ‘young love’ and that relationships at this age are incredibly unlikely to succeed due to both members maturing and changing rapidly through their 20s.
I know that if we were to break up it would be the worst thing to ever happen to me and so i’ve found myself pulling back and almost forcing myself to lose feelings.
Has anyone got any wisdom to help me with this pattern of thought?
TL:DR – I’m afraid my relationship will fail due to us meeting so young, I love her but i’m pulling back to prevent potential pain if there is a breakup.
Comments
Just because it might fail, doesn’t mean it will. You can’t have a fear of the relationship ending or you will always be one for out the door. You have to leave in the now and enjoy it.
It’ll never work and you WILL break up if you don’t put in the effort from the beginning.
If you do put in the effort, yeah you may still break up, and yeah, it’s gonna hurt like hell if it happens, but you also may not! With every relationship it’s a gamble on if it’ll work out or not, that’s what the dating stage is for. Don’t pull back just because you’re afraid of the “what if’s”.
I think if you let fear of loss/grief make your choices for you, you will end up trading away all of the love in your life in return for lonely “safety.”
One way or another, we all lose our loved ones eventually. You can’t love without signing up for the pain of loss. The point isn’t to love as conservatively as possible in the hopes of minimizing pain – it’s to enjoy what we have, while we have it, and do our best by each other. If you can do that, then the love you give will be worth it.
I understand the fear but my brothers are the type who met their spouses fairly young and have had happy relationships for a decade plus since. It sometimes happens that these early relationships last a lifetime.
welcome to anxiety and anxious attachment, get therapy :3
If it helps I met my fiance at 15 we dated for 3 years. Broke up for 2 and stayed best friend through the breakup. Got back together and now have been happily together ever since. We are now both 27.
We only recently got engaged since it wasn’t something we were interested in before now. Mostly for the legal benefits and protections that come with marriage.
If you are concerned about the potential of divorce get a prenup. We are going to get one even though we think it is highly unlikely we will ever get divorced. It just allows for some protection and understanding if you were to part ways.
Focus more on the aspect of why you love your partner and why you want to marry and not that you are worried they will leave. Giving my fiance freedom and understanding that they can leave whenever but understanding they will stay has given me so much security in my relationship.
I do think it would be helpful if you two spent a bit more time on each other individually. It will help aid the feeling of being afraid that things could end/should end, etc. I do understand your thought behind this though, dont think about the being young factor too much. People that are truly in love wont just randomly get up and be like hey i wanna go experience more cause im young and in my 20s, trust me
You haven’t mentioned what she’s doing specifically that makes feel turned off, – is she flirting/talking to other guys behind your? Is she hanging out with bad friends who hate you and cheat on their BF’s ? Is she making excuses to ” work late” is she going on girls trips to often? Is withdrawing sex from you? There’s an actual reason why you feel this way besides the “I feel we’re too young it won’t work” excuse on your part.
Be honest with us here and don’t be afraid to say what she’s been doing or else we won’t be able to give you solid advice….
That being said, my advice for you is to enjoy every moment together and just realize that regardless if you break up there will be 20 other girls just like her who want to be with a guy like you….
Never make any partner your “everything” that stuff is Corny A-F and it turns woman off because they want a man who doesn’t need them and could live without them not a needy clingy guy who smothers them … I suggest you spice things up in the bedroom and learn to give her the best orgasms of her life, don’t be afraid to read some books on Kama sutra and Cunnilingus. The reason why I focus on the sexual part is because that is the main reason why people start to drift away from each other but never actually admit it just to protect their EGO… if she’s not making your life a living hell and making you jealous on purpose or making you believe she’s cheating then I don’t know what you want to hear other then just enjoy her while you can and never let yourself go, keep staying cleaned up well groomed, stay in shape and keep making more money, make yourself wanted by other woman before your woman will want you more if other woman want you, if you’re too predictable then you may become boring to her and she’ll get turned off. A lot of guys make the mistake of getting too complacent in relationships and it ruins it…