Bit of context with this one. I (M24) was living in New York and met this girl (F23) – neither of us looking for something serious, & pretty similar in terms of relationship personalities (both generally non-emotional & not clingy). The vibes were good from date one and we clicked.
Continued to see each other and don’t think either of us realised the feelings we were developing and neither of us were seeing anyone else (no relationship titles yet). Plans change though and I decide to move to Europe indefinitely, seeing as things weren’t official it didn’t make sense to start a relationship or organise for her to join. We decided to keep seeing each other until I go, and cut things then.
In the meantime we see each other more & more and end up falling for each other. Put a name on things until I go. The week before I go we’re like f it, we want something here and she wants to travel so she’s gonna join me in like Feb.
So I’m in Europe now and we’ve been keeping in contact. Something personal happens on her end and she’s going through stuff, I’m there to talk her through things over the phone. We’re making long term plans for when she joins.
Next thing, she calls me acting kind of weird. Tells me she’s taken up a new hobby for confidence & fitness – pole dancing. I’m like aight, not exactly what I want my gf to get into, but she’s had a rough time. Keep in mind we vibe cause we’re similar, she’s a well put together girl, reserved & intelligent and this is a lot of what I fell for, so this was a suprise in itself.
Next thing she calls to tell me she was convinced by some of the girls at the class (that are proper strippers) to join them at the club and to strip. She gave private dances & everything, bra off and all.
Look I don’t have a thing against strippers, but most definitely would not date one or someone who has been one. Personal preference.
Totally at a loss of what to do now, was 98% sure I was going to call it off and some friends are in total agreement but others don’t agree and think I’m overreacting.
The image of her stripping in club makes me feel physically unwell and I don’t think I’ll be able to wrap my head around it. She’s played the naivety card here saying she didn’t think this was a big deal, saw it as a fun night and didn’t see it as a place where guys go to objectify women and use it as j*rk material for later. I think things dawned on her as we spoke about it, but really not sure to what extent.
We left it that I’ve got to think whether I can move forward with things. For me it’s feels like a total misalignment of morals & standards, but we had a future together that we were building and I haven’t felt as ‘on the same page’ with someone before all this happened.
We’ll be talking about everything in a few days and I have no idea where to go with this. Not sure if I can put this to the side. Thoughts?
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“she gave private dances, bra off”. DUDE WTF
Yeah break up with her dude
She’s gonna do what she wants, it’s your decision to either stay or leave.
Obviously you’re not comfortable with what she’s doing so make the right decision.
It would be one thing if she did an amateur night or something – 1 or 2 dances on stage, for example
But she told you she did private dances too – meaning she was working in the club that night, approaching guys and flirting to get them to buy drinks or pay for private dances..
That 2nd part would be a no from me.
Not wife material