My gf often talks about her work life. Her team is mostly women, with a few guys, and she’s never said anything too unusual before. All just coworker/friend banter.
However she recently talked about another department that works beside her. All names and people I’ve never heard of.
This team is mostly guys, and she’s going through the list, talking about each one. Again, nothing unusual, until she gets to a guy we’ll call Jeff.
“Jeff is so attractive, you wouldn’t believe it”
Nothing too bad here, we occasionally acknowledge people as attractive, but then she doubles down, explaining how every time he talks to her, she blushes because of how good looking he is.
Her coworkers have caught on and now jokingly refer to the guy as “the love of her life”
And that was it. I didn’t really know how to respond, but it kinda upset me. Am I being too insecure?
I’m not upset she finds people attractive (I do too), but why tell me? There was no punchline, just “I find this guy so attractive, everyone notices”. It just seemed bit mean to tell a partner.
Looking for honest feedback. Does it sound like I’m being too insecure? She’s done similar-ish things occasionally that have made me feel the same way, but I’ve been quiet about it as I don’t want to come off as jealous. We’ve been dating for a little over a year, and idk if this is something I should work on myself about, or bring up as an issue.
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It’s understandable to feel a bit uncomfortable—it’s one thing to notice someone’s attractiveness privately, another to talk about it in detail. That said, it doesn’t automatically mean your girlfriend is doing anything wrong. It could be worth having a calm conversation about how those comments make you feel, without framing it as jealousy, just sharing your perspective.
i don’t think you’re being too insecure, that’s an upsetting thing to hear. i would probably follow up on this in a few ways.
first, i’d have to acknowledge, ‘wow, that must be uncomfortable at work that your coworkers say that,’ and be curious if there are potential professional repercussions she should be worried about?
then i would probably wonder what she’s thinking of doing about it, since she shared it, she must be reasoning through how to handle this. is she thinking of changing jobs? asking to open the relationship? see what her response is.
but i would not work myself up, i would stay calm and rational, and treat it like an unfortunate reaction she can’t control and needs help with. 🙂
See if it was a one-time thing alright. But she a repeat offender. Some people will tell you “have a conversation and talk to her about it”. But her letting you know about him making her blush and coworkers joking about him being the love of your life isn’t open communication, it’s her letting you know that there’s competition.
Not insecure. That’s really disheartening. I’m trying to figure out why she told you. Does she feel guilty? Is this leading to another disheartening conversation? Is she just being transparent because she cares and wouldn’t want it to come up some other way and sound much worse than it is? I think you need to ask her some questions.
Any chance you will ever meet this guy Jeff? If so, you can say something like, “Oh, great to finally meet the guy who makes (GF’s name) blush because he’s so handsome. The love of her life.”
If her co-workers are around, so much the better.
Then dump her before she cheats on you. If she was really into you, she wouldn’t say things like this to you.
I’d probably ask her why she’s telling you the story? Or sarcastically say is he the love of your life? Your girlfriend young but that’s still displaying terrible judgment – you’re not one of her girlfriends
I understand how upsetting that can be, my thing is if she’s done stuff like that before and you didn’t say anything, how is she supposed to know that’s not the kind of thing you want to share in your partnership? Let’s just assume she doesn’t mean anything weird by it, then she’s just comfortable sharing her thoughts with you and doesn’t realize this is a sore point.
It doesn’t have to be a whole big thing, you can tell her you didn’t like the way it felt to hear that, so maybe let’s gush about coworkers a little less. And if she turns it into some huge thing, okay, there was probably an ulterior notice there. But if she’s chill, then let it be
She has a crush on her coworker and everyone knows. She’s blushing when he looks at her. I get you can’t control blushing, but the blushing reveals her thought process, which doesn’t look real great for your relationship.
You’re not being insecure. She’s got one foot out the door.
I realized a guy I was dating was crushing on someone else. I waited around thinking he’d eventually “wisen up.” He didn’t. I wasted a lot of time with that.
My personal opinion is to find the lady that isn’t distracted by coworkers.
But if you want the relationship to move past this, a conversation will need to be had. Ask her how she’d feel if you were crushing on a coworker to the point others were calling this woman the love of your life and see if she can understand it and acknowledge she is wrong for making light of it.
I kind of think she’s feeling bad about having the little crush and wanted to admit it in a somewhat joking way and release it from her chest. There’s no way to know unless you talk to her.
Sometimes people speak without really thinking, and share inside thoughts. I think just calmly sit her down and talk bout how that made you feel and go from there
She statistically spends more interactive time with this guy than she does with you so this shits normal. It’s weird if she starts hanging out with him outside work but otherwise she has a work crush and there’s not much you can do about it