Backstory: in 2020, my (M30) friends and I had just all moved out and lived in the city just before COVID hit. Buddy of mine matched with a girl on bumble and she brought some friends around, very quickly we became one of those friend groups that dated each other. I was one of the single guys because I didn’t want to date within my own friend group. My friend dated this girl for a long time, she seemed cool but definitely had some of her own issues with maturity and jealousy and other things. A few summers later, she set me up with a friend of hers. Long story short, after a month I knew I didn’t want to date her as we just were not compatible for one another. She took it to heart when it wasn’t personal, and she really recked havoc on me the entire summer, including telling my friends any secrets I had, lies about my body, personal details about family, you name it. It ended sour, but I eventually moved on. Except for the woman I briefly dated and my friend’s fiancé. Although we remained civil, everyone could tell there was tension. It caused me to feel alienated with my own friends. My friend later got engaged to the original bumble match.
Flash forward to this summer, I met someone through my local running club (F28). Pretty quickly we hit it off, and we’ve dated ever since. It’s been 10 months together, and it’s been the healthiest relationship I’ve been in. Unfortunately, I got invited to my friends birthday party in January, and his fiancé had my past fling with her. The entire time my girlfriend and I were there, they were passive aggressive towards me and my girlfriend, and pretty rude by not saying anything to her or I. What hit the hardest was my friends didn’t bother to say anything to us either, because if his fiancé’s unhappy, EVERYONE unhappy. Just before midnight, I left to go back to my apartment with my girlfriend who was upset. I found out the next day after telling a friend (who wasn’t there) that they were sort of rude for not saying anything, talking to her, basically pretending she wasn’t there in a way as well as me. Their response was “that’s insane, they told me you didn’t properly introduce her to every person.” It made me furious. For people who are my “friends”, it seems like my friends fiancé made that as the excuse to being rude, especially when I approached them saying her name and that she was my girlfriend, especially when some of them have already met her before and she sat there for almost 4 hours being ignored. I have friends outside of this group, and when I told them this story, they all told me how awful they sound, how rude they are, and how sad it was to treat someone new like that. Since then, some of the friends in the group do not talk to me nearly as much.
Why am I posting this? Because next week is their moving in party to their new home where all family and friends are invited. I got a personal invitation from them, asking for us both to attend. I can’t help but feel as if this is a trap, and I refuse to put a good person something like this again.
Should I leave behind my group of friends?
Am I overreacting?
Should I call out my friends fiancé on her immature/toxic behavior?
TL;DR my friends fiancé is extremely rude and toxic to me and my new girlfriend, and he does nothing about it. Also leading to falling out with other friends.
Comments
Personally I wouldn’t go to their moving home party. Absolutely wouldn’t. The way they treated you two at the other event? Why would you want to be miserable the whole night again? And I don’t think your girl should be put in this situation again either.
They probably wouldn’t see me ever again.
Sorry man, those do not sound like good friends worth keeping. I don’t think you’re overreacting. Your other friends from outside the group should be a good judge of your character and it sounds like they’re on your side. That’s a sign that this group is worth leaving behind.
If you try to keep the group, you may end up losing a great girlfriend because of it. And you’ll be left with poor friends.
They sound shitty and rude and mean.
But if you aren’t sure about what to do, need more space to ponder it, it’s OK to say “I’m sorry I can’t be there, I already have plans set for that weekend.” Then make dinner reservations for you and your girlfriend.
I’d probably take it as a chance to make a short weekend one night stay to somewhere 2 hours out of your city so you can have a super sweet date, and be able to back up the why you aren’t available thing.
If all your friends there actually ignored your gf and stay AFK if you don’t reach out to them, I would say they aren’t really friends, and that sucks, they suck and you can find new community that isn’t as immature as they are being.