My (m30) situation with fiancé (f30). Any feedback would be appreciated.

I would love to hear thoughts on this, and maybe if I am over reacting or reading this situation wrong.

Background info: We have been together for 10 years now, and there are times I feel like my fiancé just could care less about my feelings or what I want. We have been through a lot together, I have made my share of awful mistakes and am in no means a perfect partner for full disclosure. But we were younger when we met, we both made mistakes and we both agreed to move on and work on improving.

Here’s the situation: I have an opportunity at my work to receive a promotion that would be a huge increase in our finances as well as fully relocate us closer to her family. This would be nice in the future for if we have kids and helping with child care which is something that we discussed and agreed upon. We have had our issues like any couple, and we have had some very recent conversations about how I feel she doesn’t listen to me or really supports me. We have talked about this issue a few times and she hasn’t made any effort to improve, so the most recent conversation about it was more serious and I stated that I will absolutely need her support for this promotion and move, especially since I will be paying substantially more for down payment on a house and paying close to double what she would pay for mortgage. I communicated with her that if she works on listening to me and the other things we discussed and seriously made effort, I would take the promotion.

So some information about her family is relevant before I explain the actual situation that occurred. For the most part she has a very nice family who overall is just normal and fine, no issues. Her father on the other hand, is one of the rudest people I have ever met. He goes out of his way to try and be an asshole, likes to make people uncomfortable and it can be unbearable. My fiancé’s brother & his wife have been together about same time as us, they are normal and nice people I’ll refer to them as BIL & SIL. Future FIL, targets SIL relentlessly and bullies her non stop both in from of her and behind her back. I have heard him make fun of her weight, job and say terrible things about her and have always felt bad and that it was unjustified. Because of this, SIL doesn’t like to visit all that often or for too long, understandably of course, and this upsets FIL & MIL since they feel like they don’t see their son as often because of her. BIL is a very nice guy and very talkative, he can say good bye and then still stand there for an hour talking after, which then SIL will have to be the one to say we’re leaving now and have to drag him away. FIL & MIL talk about this behind their back constantly, saying how she makes up excuses to leave so she doesn’t have to be with them and FIL saying much worse.

My work decides to send me up to the area for a week to see how I fit in the position, everything is all paid for by the company. My fiancé is very close with her family, so I offered to get there a day early so we can see them quickly but the only thing it would risk the company paying for that day of travel (10 hour drive) and I would lose out on some money from food & gas expenses, but I was okay with that. I clearly stated how this a big opportunity for our future and I need her support, I knew it was going to be a busy week at work and I wouldn’t be able to check out the area much during the week. So I said we can sleepover at her parents house on Saturday, but I wanted to leave as earlier as possible in the morning to look at houses, different neighborhoods and just see as much as possible since we might be moving here. BIL & SIL live close and wanted to see us, but were on a trip and didn’t get back until Sunday later than when I wanted to leave. My fiancé asked if it would be okay if we can stay a little later so we can see them. I said sure and clearly communicated to her that I wanted to leave at 12pm at the latest if they do end up coming and early as possible if they don’t.

It is now Sunday, we wake up and it turns out BIL and SIL aren’t going to be coming. The plan was to eat, shower and leave. We eat breakfast with her family, talked for a while and then I was expecting my fiancé to announce anytime now that we are going to pack and head out. At one point my fiancé initiated shit talking on SIL to MIL because she didn’t book a flight with everyone else for an upcoming trip and how ridiculous that was. I wasn’t thrilled with her starting that conversation and don’t understand how they don’t realize the reason is because they bully her. So they keep talking and I am just watching clock and looking at fiancé, we have discussed that she needs to be the one to initiate leaving because of her FIL and how he talks. It is now 11:30am and she hasn’t showered, is still talking and no signs of stopping so I text her that we need to leave and we do. We left shortly after 12pm, which was what was supposed to be the absolute latest time to leave by only if BIL & SIL show up, which they didn’t. We get in the car and I was like what the fuck? I thought we were leaving earlier and I really wanted to do some stuff in the area we might be moving to and might not have a chance later in the week. She just says oh sorry I lost track of time talking to my family and brushes it off like it isn’t a big deal.

I think it is a huge deal, especially given our talks about actually listening to me. The reason this is an issue is because of a few things.

We went engagement ring shopping, just to look was the plan. She fell in love with one that was about $13K and was over my budget. I did have an upcoming bonus but ½ would go to taxes and the other ½ was about $13k so I would have $0 left for myself for all the hard work I put in throughout the year to earn that. I told her lets shop around and that I wasn’t trying to pay that much. She said it was the perfect one and how much she loved it, I tried multiple times to convince her to shop around. In her defense the salesperson was very good and really selling it, but its my money and I stated I didn’t want to go that high and she didn’t care. We bought the ring, and that comes up in arguments to this day.
We went to Miami on vacation, did a bunch of stuff that she was into. We spent a whole day looking for sea shells and stuff she liked. I’m usually content doing whatever, but I had one request to just walk down this street in the Cuban neighborhood because I have always wanted to do that. We spent all day doing out and doing mostly her stuff, she knows all I want to do is walk home on this route for like 15 minutes and I ask her if we can go after dinner. It comes time to walk down the street, and now she doesn’t feel good and doesn’t want to. I didn’t do the one thing I wanted to do while on vacation and I was upset about it because I put a lot of effort into making sure she has fun on trips.

I am worried that if I take this promotion and move up closer to her parents that she is just going to keep doing all this, and then I am going to have put my foot down and everyone in her family will talk about me like they do with SIL. I want to have a good relationship fiancé and her family, but I don’t think she respects me or cares about me enough to listen to what I want or say. Am I overthinking these situations and it’s not the big of a deal?

TLDR: I don’t think fiancé cares about what I want and thinks and then I get upset and blow up and don’t handle it great, but I feel like I do have a valid point to be upset.