This has come up in conversation more than once. Most recently, she sent me a tiktok of a girl with text that said something along the lines of “I’m willing to fight a grown man.”
It was supposed to be a silly tiktok, but since this was probably the 5th or 6th time in our relationship that she has brought up her ability to fight a man, I thought I should say something to kind of check this confidence just in case she truly believes it. She is 5’0”, 90lbs, and while I’m sure she has the athleticism and fire in her to hold her own in a self-defense scenario, I know that fighting any grown man would likely end in a bad day.
Additionally, she has told me two stories from her past where she has fought and won fights against grown men. I hate to doubt her honesty, but, I do.
I’m strong, fit, more than twice her size, with some martial arts & street fighting experience and she truly believes that if she wanted to, she could take me out. We’ve play wrestled where I can handle her like a toddler. But she says if punching was allowed, she’d stand a chance.
I tried to explain to her that with any self-defense scenario, disengage & escape is going to be her best option. However, she reiterated that she could simply use her extraordinary abilities to beat an attacker to a pulp.
I guess my concern is that she actually believes she could do this. And while we’re pretty chill people now who don’t put ourselves in positions where physical altercations are common, I’d still like her to not have to learn the hard way.
Has anyone dealt with this? How can I gently advise her that men have an advantage that she’s not taking seriously? I don’t want to break her spirit, but I want her to be realistic.
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Why does she think she’s so good at punching?
Clothesline her on the way in from work
Play wrestle her again but tell her she can punch you (as hard as she can). Don’t hold back and let her get frustrated so she stops pulling punches.
Just leave it the scenario is never likely to actually happen.
Send her the video of the trans mma fighter beating the shit out of the female fighter. It was brutal.
How old she is again?
Pin her to the ground.
Let her have her delusions. She is an adult and she has the right to make her own mistakes. Reality is here for everyone to observe and understand. If people believe obvious nonsense, they believe it because they want to believe it. If she acts out on this, reality will assert itself and you can be her good guy by taking care of her.
Bahahaha
My daughter was able to fight grown men at the age of 13 (her skills were great, she had broken a lot of bones and bruised a lot of egos by then).
Size doesn’t matter if you know what you are doing, and have mastered the requisite skills. It’s been a lot of years now but I’d put money on my daughter to come out on top – the muscle memory would kick in and she’d fuck a dude up.
If your GF had half the training that I got my daughter, well… I reckon I’d drop money on her in a pool.
She very likely knows the reality. Every woman does. If you are concerned for her safety why not take her to the gym to spar and get her in classes to better her odds? Get her pepper spray and self defense items. Try encouraging her rather than trying to get her to admit that she is weak and inferior to men.
Gonna be the world’s wort “told ya so”
Have her train in her local BJJ gym and she can learn how to defend herself. On her first roll she will realize her own weakness and limits.
Maybe instead of being so dead set on trying to prove her wrong, you ask her to enlist in classes with you.
This seems more like a need to prove her wrong than actually caring about her safety
Why do you need to? She’s not your child. Just smile at this charming quirk of hers and move on.
Is there a need to discourage her? Like is it at the level where it is likely to get her in trouble? If so then encourage her to train any combat sport that allows proper contact and gain confidence but realistic confidence. Discouraging isn’t usually great. But if she goes into training she’ll improve but also get a realistic view of herself sooner or later.
Sounds like she’s cruising for a bruising. Someone gonna take her up on her offer one day. All you can do is caution her in advance. Some lessons are only learned the hard way by hard headed people
If you’re gonna be dumb. You gotta be tough.
mma or bjj gym
Show her worldstarhiphop website lol
I mean no one can be certain they’d win a fight, even with someone their own size. A lucky punch/kick from an opponent is really all it takes to damage you enough to be taken out. Maybe have a conversation like that?
As a woman, I think it’s an impulse to make herself feel safe. I’m taller and heavier than her and I still am mentally impacted by the physical presence of creepy men. I don’t think I could beat them in a fight, but I do sometimes tell myself I could outsmart them and get away (if it ever came to that)
Being confident is one thing, having the ability is another. It’s when those 2 cause you to make poor decisions can be deadly. For instance, you are confident and have the ability, but you realize the smartest decision is to disengage and run to safety. She thinks she should stay and fight. In any MMA match, both opponents are confident and have ability….and there is always a winner and a loser.
Just like being armed, the best and safest choice is to get away, not hold a shootout just because you are confident and have the ability. Too many things can go wrong.
So allow her to punch. It’ll feel like a child taking a swing at you. I’m a woman, by the way, and a lesbian, and a huge feminist, as you might guess. In other words, this doesn’t come from a “pick me”. A man could take me down with one hand tied behind his back. Their strength is kind of mind blowing compared to ours.
Take her to any martial arts class that doesn’t separate by weight / gender, even ones that don’t have punching.
I did aikido, which doesn’t have sparing or hitting, and seniors are supposed to make sure they don’t injury the juniors so it was relatively safer than sparring. Even there I could see how much of an advantage height / weight / muscles made up even if the guy wasn’t fit… And how much better I’d have to be over my opponent to have any chance in a fight.
I would recommend more grappling/ joint lock type of martial arts. When I did more striking ones, the men completely held back so a beginner might think they’d be good in sparing. But something like trying to put a pin / lock on someone… There were heaps of times I thought I pinned my teacher down and he just stood up.
In terms of feeling safe, for me, it’s learning what distance I need to be to stay out of reach to be safe rather than being able to over power someone.
Do you actually think she’s going to get in a fight? Because I’m a 40 year old woman and that’s simply not something that’s ever come up for me. If she’d go seek it out, then yes disabuse her of the notion. But if it’s just talking trash on TikTok, that seems more embarrassing than concerning.
Let her fight a grown man. She will figure it out really quick.
YOU do not DO anything.
There are plenty of stories on Reddit of guys who attack their girlfriends to prove to them how weak they are, and it doesn’t go well. Obviously.
You tell her that you hope if it ever comes down to a survival scenario that she’ll do the right thing and run. That even if she thinks she can take a person in a fight, they’re attacking her and not going to fight fair. What if they have a knife? You tell her you hope she’ll be smart about it and that you don’t want her to talk to you about this anymore. That the idea of her getting attacked and trying to kickbox her way out of it makes you uncomfortable and scared for her.
Also, only play fight her for fun. If you’re thinking about this while playing with her it’s either going to stress you out or you want to put her in her place, which isn’t healthy at your ages. It’s play, more than its fight. It should only be fun for both of you, because you trust each other. If this is coming up, you’re not playing for fun anymore.
If this is well and truly bothering you and you need her to be beaten so she’ll learn, DO NOT do it yourself. She trusts you. Attacking her will ruin that. If you have to have to break her of this illusion, she can sign up for martial arts classes and she asks them to spar full out so she can prove it to YOU. Ask her to take the steps or stop talking about it. You don’t ask her to do it for you. You don’t sign her up. You don’t ask someone to fight her. You don’t fight her yourself. If you have a hand in having her beat up or having sense scared into her, she will not trust you, and with good reason.
TLDR: you either show some vulnerability and talk about your feelings and if she doesn’t suck she’ll respect that, or she tries to prove to YOU that she can do this or stops talking about it. Whatever you do, do not scare her straight. It’s infantilizing and gross.
There is a saying in my culture that a person has to feel another fist before he surely can know how hard his fist is, this is a perfect example for your girlfriend. And my Guess is that she simply wobt stop until she felt that herself
Get her to go in a kickboxing, boxing, muay thai or BJJ class close by and take on a guy who is not a first timer. Doesn’t have to be the coach, but someone who is not afraid of actually performing a punch or technique and has good control.
Trained female fighters will have a toolbox to fight bigger opponents and might even be victorious but I will generally tend to believe the odds are not in their favour. Also, having some actual fighting experience never hurts and is good for body and soul.
encourage her to pick a fight 🤷
At 5 foot 90lbs, I’m not even a super fit guy and I would be able to lift her with one hand. That is fucking crazy. I couldn’t imagine fighting anyone who was twice my size let alone could lift me with a single arm.
I don’t think there is anything you can say to her at this point that will change her mind. I would just nod, smile, and not entertain beyond just listening to her. People like her will not listen until they get their a** kicked.
In all honesty, you probably cannot deal with this level of delusion without doing irreparable harm to your relationship. But the best approach to try may be to invite her to spar with you in a controlled setting such as a MMA gym.
Bear in mind that even if your chances of subduing her effortlessly are 99%, that still leaves a 1% chance of her getting in a lucky shot that will solidify her opinion, and even if you do take her down easily she is likely to still believe in her tough-girl narrative.
This is one of the problems with modern self-defence courses. In a controlled scenario in a dojo, a person engaging in self-defence techniques with a sparring partner who is co-operative, anyone (not just women) will easily develop an overblown sense of their own capability.
Getting into a real altercation on the streets might be enough to shake someone out of that delusion, but as Mike Tyson said, “everyone has a plan until they are punched in the face”.
What your girlfriend would find most upsetting though, is how easily you could power through any block she puts up, or how trivial it would be for you to pick her up and throw her to the ground.
Could she get in a lucky kick to your groin or a thumb in your eye? Yes, of course. But that is a slim chance for her to bet her health and her life on.
As someone who is 5ft1, 130lbs I can confidently tell you that, unless she’s an MMA or self defence expert, she ain’t gonna win. That’s why weight classes are a thing in fighting competitions lol.
This bit comes down to consent. Ask her permission to pin her down (arms and legs), and tell her to use her whole strength- nothing holding back no excuses, to get away. I’ve done this with my partner to test if I could beat someone twice my size and it was in fact a wake up call 🤷 the girls, Imo, that get arsey or sulky about this are living in la-la land. I’d rather find out in a safe environment rather than a dangerous one. Don’t be surprised if you go this route and she gets extremely pissy, but that’s also why you ask. Cause there’s being confident, then there’s being stupid.
If I wrestle with my 6ft3 partner I only can sometimes get loose, and that’s with me having some MMA training, being a regular gym goer and physical fighting (really rough, pretty much wrestling, leg head locks and such) with my brothers.
I grew up rough tumbling with my 3 older brothers, and I’d often win only against the youngest (still 6 years older) because: our weight wasn’t that different and neither was our height (5ft1 vs 5ft5). Now though? Not sure if I could win because he’s a lot heavier than me now and been in more real fights. You never know someone’s experience when you pick a fight.
If she punches someone with wrong form, in the wrong place, chances are all she’s going to get is a broken wrist/hand.
This is nothing to do with ‘women are inferior’ (they’re not at all) , this is the fact that she is 90lbs. Ignoring this fact is a problem and will only get her hurt if she truly believes she can get away with hitting someone who is 180lbs. If she genuinely wants a chance in a fight she need to put on muscle mass (cause at 90lbs she will have none) and take some classes/training.
It’s one thing joking around like “ahh I can take you” and genuinely having a delusion where she ends up picking a fight that will not just put herself, but also you in danger. The answer is always to disengage where possible. Sure confront bad behaviour, but why physically engage? What does she get out of that?
Does she have any interest in learning any fighting martial arts? I’ve been doing BJJ for quite a while and though I submit men regularly, I know that neither of us are going 100% most if the time (newbies will sometimes go 100% because they don’t know any better) and that they are trying to be technical and not just stronger than me. I have no illusions that if most men I roll with decided to go full strength that id be very successful especially if they had a couple of years of training. Additionally, if punches were introduced all it would take is one good hard punch and I’m done. Striking (IMO) introduces an even worse disadvantage for women. There are things I can do in BJJ to even the playing field a bit, but that’s not really the case once striking is allowed.
I think trying out BJJ for a while could give her a somewhat realistic look at how fighting a man could go. It’s about the closest but also safest way to learn that lesson.
Where is she getting the notion she’s that capable? I know if my husband punched me he’d knock me out cold. He is stupidly strong, easily uses a maul & sledge hammer. If I punched him he’s likely bruise him but that would be the extent of it. No way I could move him. I’m not weak but I know my physical limits.
I think it’s a mental defense mechanism. I’ve met two people with the same attitude, both are from marginalized groups that are at higher risk of being targeted with violence, and both are women on top of that.
One of them is my mom and she swears she can fight anything – she is about 5 foot nothing as well and she’s a senior now
The other is my age and had the same attitude. When I told her to be cautious at times (like don’t walk around alone very drunk at night) she said she would just kill anyone with her bare hands that bothered her 🙄🙄🙄 no self defense training , no skills, ok 😂
In my mom’s case, it did instill a fighting spirit in me so I am very thankful for that – the other just made me shake my head LOL
Just play wrestle with her.
When we were like 22 my now wife used to think similarly, as a skinny young woman. We play wrestled one day and I (at the time a thin man) lifted her fully over my head. As such, she quickly gave up on the notion that she could fight a man.
Also, unless she’s going to go out and pick fights, who cares?
A great deal of people think they could continue to fight after receiving a knife wound too – that’s an even more stupid belief that many,, many people have. But, as long as those people don’t go and find knife fights it’s kinda’ irrelevant.
Nah bro. I don’t date stupid.
Could u imagine how dumb ur kids would be if u had some with her?
At 5’ 90lbs man or woman fighting a 180-200lb dude ur probably Donna get ur ass handed to you.
UNLESS you know the Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique
Buy her a trial membership at a muay Thai or bjj place.
Some day, shell write a check her ass can’t cash. Then she will understand. Just be supportive when it happens
I’m a grown man and I’m not willing to fight a grown man. One punch to the head and thats possible permanent brain damage, falling the wrong way and hitting your head on a table and that can kill you
Why does she spend that much time thinking about when she might be able to get violent? That’s some kind of disorder. If this were a man sending multiple different things about wanting to fight we’d say he was probably dangerous.
Of course she can fight a grown man. Depends on the man and depends if she plans to win.
If she’s not going around picking fights with people, it really doesn’t matter. Let her feel confident if she wants to! Maybe she’s got more of a killer instinct than you realize! You trying to tear her down is a bad look, either way.
TRAIN that girl rather than discouraging her!
Put her into self defense courses for girls!
And then see how she can kick your balls straight into your brain. Why wouldn’t she be able to if she knew how to?
A 1,65 m girl, friend of mine is doing security alongside her bf, does body guard for a very famous singer at her concerts. One never would think that she can duff up or tazer any man she faces.
But… she can.
I am a tall, fit, athletic woman. One time my ex got angry at me and just casually grabbed one on my shoulders and shoved me down hard. With barely any effort he had me down on the ground with the wind knocked out of me. (Yes, he is an ex for this reason.) The point is that up until that point I had absolutely NO idea how strong he was. These days there are endless shows and games showing tiny women overpowering huge men. My advice would be to educate her about the differences in male/female strength, speed, etc. And perhaps look for some videos where a woman fights a guy and gets destroyed.
Why don’t you help her learn self defense instead of discouraging her???? Help her get into martial arts or boxing or something.
Im a 6 foot tall 250lb person who has been trained.
I have gotten my ass handed to me several times.
Some dudes were smaller too.
She’s gonna get crushed.
Go to a boxing gym and have her spar someone. Great workout for anyone and will humble anyone very fast . Love her confidence though. Sounds like you have a keeper.
Go to a boxing gym and let one of the 11 year old boys tune her up lmao
Follow my logic…
If she has fabricated the story about beating two men in unarmed combat… she’s likely aware of her limitations. Her bluster in that case is just that, bluster.
Unless she’s picking fights or screaming at men in bars I think you are being presented with a “yes,dear” scenario.
Why do you need to discourage her confidence? Just ignore her stupid videos and stay quiet.
I’ve dealt with this delusion on my gf, now wife.
Show them the stats, the bell curves, laugh at them a little and point out the delusion.
I didn’t think that our educational system failed to teach us about the differences between the, sexes…… but I guess it did!
Tell her that if she picks a fight, whether she wins or loses you’re not bailing her out.
Some people are just like this. Nobody has ever checked them on their BS so they just go on spouting nonsense. Just make sure you can grab her and intervene before she gets you knocked out, stabbed, or shot too. She kind of reminds me of this girl I went to school with. She drove her parents’ hand-me-down Prius and would always brag about how she beat a new Corvette in a drag race. If you picked the slowest Corvette that Chevy made in the late 70s/early 80s, it would still beat a first gen Prius in a drag race. A new Corvette from my HS days would have probably beat that Prius just in first gear. I guarantee the Corvette had no idea she was trying to race and just took off halfway aggressively from a light. Some people just have a weird sense of reality because of what they have experienced.
Just watch your nads if she suddenly screams “THAT’S MY PURSE! I DON’T KNOW YOU!”
Take her to boxing so she can show off her punching skills.
I think you just have to let her give you a few, then she can see with her own eyes that it doesn’t affect you.
Go to an arcade and use the punching bag game. If she scores in the 900’s watch out. Otherwise bring her confidence back to earth and keep her from getting knocked into next Thursday by some big drunk dude she tries to fight that then proceeds to punch her in the face.
She is fortunate enough, I’m assuming, to never had a man lay hands on her. It was terrifying to me how much stronger an average dude is in comparison to me.
You can’t deal with this. If she is so insistent that she can beat up a grown man, and she refuses to listen to what you have said to her, she is just going to have to find out the hard way. Hopefully she does not initiate any fights on her own.
My first husband was my height and had 15 pounds on me. One night when he was blackout drunk, we were in the hallway and he decided to push me up against the wall and tried to choke me to death. I kidney punched him as hard as I could which loosened his grip, and then I got my legs between us and shoved as hard as I could, and he smacked into the opposite wall. I kicked his groin as hard as I could and he slumped over.
Then I ran like hell and got my metal baseball bat, dialed 911 on the wireless house phone, and told him to get out. I chased him out of the house with the bat and I smashed in the driver side window of his truck and told him if he touched me again that would be his head. I was going to bash his truck in anywhere I could hit it, but I’m the one that paid for it and I knew I was going to divorce him after this bullshit.
Was it easy? Hell no. I knew I had to get to the bat or I was dead. I had an advantage because he was blackout drunk and I was not, but he was still stronger than me. If he was larger/heavier I’d prob not have gotten away.
Like I said, I hope she does not find out the hard way. It was terrifying. And yes, I divorced him soon after.
It really depends on her upbringing. I have female coworkers , skinny tiny girls who weigh barely 110lbs. But they are Indigenous and grew up on rez and holy fuck they can scrap like a fucking demon, because they got in so many fights growing up.
I’m much heavier, up in the 180lb range, and I know while I won’t win a straight up fight if it’s just boxing or throwing punches, I absolutely can and have taken down and been able to restrain larger men. It sucked balls each time and I got scraped up and hurt for days, but I have enough BJJ and judo to hang on and make someone’s day miserable until help arrives, but my weight makes a huge difference.
I have seen small ladies be able to make men back off because of how viciously they fight. Maybe she experienced that.
Why do you need to gently discourage her? Is she going out and picking fights and putting herself in dangerous scenarios? Because what you’ve described sounds like jokes and bluster from someone who hasn’t truely internalized it because she’s not taking any action on her statements.
I highly doubt a 5 foot tall 32yo woman really believes she can kick ass. She has a lot more life experience that you to go against that idea. Have you really never met another petite woman who’s feisty and full of bluater about strength? Its a self preservation method my guy and if you try to have a serious conversation with her about how men are stronger than her youre going to at best sound incredibly condescending.
I would suggest not taking everything so seriously and to avoid creating problems where there isnt any. If i were you Id also do some looking inward and question whether I truely think shes being serious, or if for some reason its important for me for her to acknowledge shes weaker than men and unpack why that is.
It sounds like it’s because you worry about her safety which is reasonable and understandable. But if i were her and I felt like you were fixating on this id wonder if it didn’t hint to a belief system I wouldn’t love.
Side note she totally could have won fights with grown men … its not hard to win a fight when the other party won’t hit you back. Is she sahing she literally beat them to a pulp or does she just say she “won” the fight. Cause if so I bet they just backed down. If the former well maybe im leaning more your way then I thought lol
The Liver King would probably be down.
Put her in a cage and let her find out.
Realistic for what? Is she going around starting fights? It’s only going to matter if she’s attacked and in that case she should fight like she thinks she can and it’s not going to hurt.
“Check this confidence” I really think you should think about how you talk about your 32 y/o grown adult girlfriend. I get your worried about her but you said yourself it seems insanely unlikely she would ever get into a fight so why are you talking about her like she’s a child.
>while I’m sure she has the athleticism and fire in her to hold her own in a self-defense scenario
Nope. She doesn’t. If she wouldn’t immediately disengage and escape, she’d end up beaten up or worse. She’s deluded if she thinks otherwise.
An athletic woman experienced in martial arts might stand a chance against an average man. Most importantly, she can quickly assess the situation and know to disengage if she has no chance.
But an athletic woman against a determined assailant who has been in fights? No chance. Especially when she doesn’t even know whether he’s carrying a blade. And the assailant can be high on drugs.
Bro genuinely who cares? Like it sounds like she is not going to actually be fighting someone. You say you think she could handle herself in a self defense situation. If she was actually going to start a fight with anyone then she probably has bigger problems to worry about than being beat (like going to jail for assault). To me it sounds like you want to put her in her place for some reason. Men who have never been in a fight think they would be able to beat someone up all the time and most of them would get their asses kicked by someone even marginally more experienced. Do you feel the need to put them in their place? We get it. You’re so much bigger and stronger than your girlfriend and it’s embarrassing that a woman thinks she is strong. Let it go.
Take her to a sparring class. Gloves, head gear.
Then obliterate her.
I hate this BS some women do. As a woman, who used to box I can hand on heart say ~ she is utterly deluded.
Either blow smoke up her 4r$e and massage her ego or take her to your local ABC and get her taught a lesson in how easily she’ll be out of her depth.
Better still tell her to grow the F up!
Just playfully go 80% effort wrestling for like 10 seconds.. she’ll learn real quick
If she’s not the type to start fights left and right, let her be. Encourage her to start seriously training in self-defense. Realistically she won’t win a physical fight with a man, but a lot of attackers specially seek out meek women who will freeze and submit. Putting up a fight at all is a protective factor and will discourage some people from targeting her, if only because it would make it more difficult and riskier for them. If her confidence leads her to put up a fight if she’s attacked, it’s nothing but a good thing.