I (34M) have been dating my girlfriend (33F) for about 8-9 months. Early on, she talked seriously about marriage and even shared deeply personal things from her childhood that she’s never told anyone else. We had a beautiful relationship
We’ve had some fights (including me losing my temper once and calling her a name I regret), but we reconciled and moved forward.
About two months ago, her dad became seriously ill (possibly cancer). Since then, she’s been extremely stressed. she completely stopped texting or calling me.
It’s been almost a month now .
She read a message I posted in a group chat but hasn’t replied to me directly.
I’ve reached out with supportive messages, but I don’t want to keep chasing her. Part of me feels used and discarded, like the past 8 months meant nothing. Part of me worries she’s struggling or even suicidal, and I’d feel guilty abandoning her.
I’m torn
Comments
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We’d like to take this time to remind users that:
We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users “friend-zoned”, referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me’s, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.
Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.
If you have any questions, please message the mods
This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
So you’re only texting her? Not calling or meeting her in person?
Whilst she is going though some family issues the least she could have done was reply to your texts. Even suggested a relationship break. A month of radio silence is pretty rough she’s abandoned you, worse is she never officially broke up with you. Don’t feel guilty, send her a message saying that you feel she’s lost interest in you and given up on the relationship. If she reads and does not respond in 24 hours then send a follow up message its over. You should not feel guilty letting her go. You can’t wonder day in day out if she is still in the relationship with you. A month no message means she’s given up on you. You deserve someone better.
She’s going through an extremely hard time. I’d try reaching out to her. You can try one of these options: Id also try reaching out to her mom, or stopping by her house, dropping off flowers and a card or treats, or mailing her a letter, etc. Something like that. Show her you care. Dont do all of those things. Just do one of those things. She might get scared you are stalking if you do all of those. One will be good. But I would at least text or call her one more time and ask how she’s doing and ask if she still wants you to be a part of her life. Tell her you will move on if she doesn’t or if you dont hear from her within the week. But let her know you will always support her in your heart and your sorry for her and her family and dad.
My dad was diagnosed with cancer last year, and it was extremely difficult. I needed people to reach out to me and let me know that they cared, then more than ever. To just have that support meant the WORLD.
She’s probably still under a lot of stress. And when that happens, people pull back. Of course I don’t know her so I can only speculate. I’d say you be there for her if that’s what you still want. Not wanting to overwhelm her with text messages is the right thing to do. If you wanna check in with her you could text her something like ” Hey, I understand that you might have a lot going on right now and I just wanna let you know that you’re not alone. I’m here for you. ” In the meantime, try to be as much understanding and patient as you can.
Some people shut down when they’re losing a parent. Others lean on their partner, friends, and family.
If her dad is dying, I’d be very careful about how you choose your words with regard to your relationship. It would be very easy for you to come across as insensitive, or selfish…possibly even cruel..
Ask her if there’s anything that she needs, or if there’s anything that you can do for her / her family. Let her know you’re there for her and ask if she could check in with you when she’s ready.
That said, you’re also not a door mat or a target. Disappearing on you or lashing out at you are both indicators that you need to seriously consider. It’s been my experience that you really find out what kind of partner you have when life throws these kinds of challenges at you.
She has already let you know that you’re not welcome in her life anymore. You don’t need to know the whys or what’s. Just accept it and move on
This relationship is done. From her side, she is treating you as a non-person – someone who as absolutely no place in her life. That message can’t get any clearer. From your side, why would you want to be in a relationship with someone who treats you like this? The fundamental core of a partnership is that you struggle through the bad times together, holding on to each other. This woman is not your partner and she doesn’t see you as that. If someone’s words and actions don’t align, always believe the actions.
Move on.
What name did you call her?