I’ve been with my partner for over 10 years now and we have children together. The past couple months she has been engrossed in an online game, so I learned the game and I was going to join her server so I snuck into her device. There I found flirtatious messages with guys. Talking about getting on drunk and hitting on people, sending hearts back and forth, Pet names and such she uses with me. I don’t want to go into too much detail.
I confronted her and she tried to lie about it being game stuff but when I said his username, she muttered “oh shit” and kept lying about it. Her password was also changed, I had to guess it to get in. I was just trying to play a game with her.
A little about me, I’ve only been in one relationship besides this one and she cheated on me multiple times emotionally until finally physically. I struggle with trusting people in general, but I didn’t think I would ever have that problem with my current partner, we’ve always seen eye to eye about cheating being wrong etc. So it’s a shocker to find such messages and I’m worried about it escalating to more in the future if she’s already hidden this.
I feel like I can’t trust her anymore. I’ve learned my lesson in the past and I just don’t know what to do at this point. It feels like I won’t be able to put my guard down anymore and our relationship won’t ever be the same. It’s been a part of my life for so long though, I’m at a loss of what to do. She’s already lied about it multiple times trying to downplay things and that’s just making things worse for me.
I really need advice here, it’s 7am and I can’t even sleep. I’m just angry and confused, upset even. I’m not an emotional person, so it’s not like I’m crying or anything, but I feel like this is really going to affect my life. It’s jarring and I don’t know how to proceed. This relationship has been a part of my life for so long, but I don’t know if I can trust her anymore. What else would she hide. Apparently the people on there didn’t even know she was in a relationship or had kids, One of the first things I usually tell others about myself.
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If you said she already cheated on you physically then ite time to cut your losses. Once trust is lost there will always be a crack in the foundation of your relationship, no matter how much work you go through to fix it. If I were in your shoes I would calmly move on out of respect for myself.
Sorry OP. This incident is your unpleasant invitation into a world of pain. Nothing that you previously believed or held true is reliable. Your partner is open to the idea of cheating. This may not be her first rodeo.
Start with having your children DNA tested. Conduct the tests then let your partner know. Her reaction might tell you a lot. Irrespective of the outcomes. It will inform her as to exactly how seriously you are taking this.
She can no longer be trusted gaming. Don’t put it past her arranging other means of communicating with her APs or intended APs. Get your life and particularly your finances sorted. You are going to be in for a very rocky ride. Good luck.
Trust is the killer of a lot of relationships. The question is has she done anything else online virtually? Even though its wrong to do it have you thought about looking through her phone for more hidden online activities? The sad part is she is lying to your face so you really can’t trust her anymore. Any other problems in your marriage like a dead bedroom? The worry also is does she have a regular online guy friend? She’s still emotionally cheating on you just like what happened with your ex. The question is what are you going to do about it?
u/anon243542378 This is a bummer. Sorry you’re having to experience this. Here’s what I’d advise: Sit with her and have a serious, open conversation about it. Try your best not to get emotional (yes its harder said then done), be very logical and only discuss the facts. If she is.not willing to be open and honest, then you have a major problem on your hands. BUT, if she’s being honest, this can certainly be repaired if both of you are willing to put in the work.
Let me also bring attention to this: You deserve better then this. No one should be cheated on or lied too. I wish people would just be more honest about who they are and what they are feeling but unfortunately, we live in a society that encourages dishonesty.
Before you have your conversation, please, go scream, cry, exercise, whatever you need to do so that when you sit down with her, you are logical and methodical.
I’m here if you need anything. Best of luck brother.