I’m 23F, and my husband (24M) and I have been married for three years. We have two children under the age of two.When I got pregnant with our first, I developed some serious health issues that weren’t diagnosed until six weeks before delivery. As a result, I gained a lot of weight and struggled with mobility. My husband told me he wasn’t attracted to me anymore and didn’t want to have sex which I could’ve understood, given the physical changes but the deeper issue was that sex has always been his main priority. He can laugh and enjoy our time together, but if he’s not sexually satisfied, he says he’s “miserable.”After giving birth, I went through postpartum depression. It took awhile but I poured myself into being a mom and slowly started losing the baby weight. I know I neglected him emotionally, and if I could go back and do it differently, I would but I can’t. Then, I found out I was pregnant again right before our first child’s birthday. His reaction devastated me. He said, “I don’t want to have another baby with you.” That was the start of a second round of prenatal depression. Around that time, he got close to a female coworker. I was never comfortable with the friendship, but after countless fights, I gave up. I stupidly trusted them. She came to our house, ate the meals I cooked, and even attended our baby shower. A week before I gave birth to our second child, my husband lost his job so he was home constantly. And so was she. I was still bleeding from childbirth while this woman was in my house, and I watched him fall in love with her in front of me. I gave up. Months later, I got medical help and began to feel like myself again. I told him I didn’t want her in our lives anymore. He denied ever doing anything with her. Then I found a video of her saying, “I wish you would come breed me.”
That was it. Huge fight. He swore it was nothing, and somehow we decided to “work it out.”But during this time, things got even worse. He started tearing me down more. he was my first everything but he constantly degraded me during sex. If I couldn’t make him finish, he’d act like I was a failure. He also became obsessed with anal. I said I was open to it, but only with proper communication and prep. He didn’t care. It was always the same thing: a little spit and a dream.Anytime I said “no” or “stop,” he’d throw a tantrum like a child.I’ve started to hate being touched by him. I feel like he’s trying to mentally and emotionally wear me down until I finally give in just to make it stop.Tonight, I cried and begged him to just love me. That ended in us having sex again which led to him trying to force anal. I said no. He threw another fit. That was just a few hours ago.
And I’ve finally decided: I’m done.
We’re currently on government assistance. He still doesn’t have a job. I have my own vehicle. I don’t know what steps to take next to secure a stable life for me and my kids — but I know I’ll break myself beyond repair if I stay in this vicious cycle.
Please, if anyone has advice on:
• How to safely leave
• Where to go for help
• Legal steps for custody or support
• Housing, financial resources, or anything else…
I’m ready to listen. I know I deserve peace, and I want better for my babies
Comments
Get help from a local shelter or hotline. Find a lawyer for custody and support. Focus on your safety and your kids. You deserve better
Call 211 if you are in the US. They have lots of local resources.
“Then I found a video of her saying, “I wish you would come breed me.” That was it. Huge fight. He swore it was nothing, and somehow we decided to “work it out.””
OMG
UpdateMe!
I don’t have any advice for you, but I wanted to simply say that I am so sorry. No one deserves to be treated this way, especially by their partner. I am confident there is a happier version of you in the future, and I admire your courage to admit you deserve better and to start taking action!
United Way/2-1-1-?
Talk to a divorce lawyer?
Lean on extended family and friends for help
Your life will be so much nicer without him. Don’t hesitate to leave. Every minute with him is a waste of your life. Wishing you the best x
He sounds like a child. Go to a local shelter for help. Family help? You are being abused.
I’m sorry you went through that, an I’m also sorry u didn’t find a real man. I truly apologize on behalf of real men. We’re not about that. I hope you find peace love and happiness. Best wishes 🤗💯
I’m sorry you’re going through this. That’s devastating and super gross that he keeps trying to force anal on you. He should be showering you with praise for giving him children. I wish I had advice, but this is a unique situation. I hope you find a way to safely get the hell out of there. If you were my daughter I’d be blind with rage at the guy. So sick….
Glad you are leaving, young woman. Godspeed.
Idk what state you are in, because laws on recording conversations might require the consent of both parties. Most states, only require 1 sides consent and knowledge of the recording taking place. But if you can get any of this on record by recording or setting up cameras. There no better proof than actual evidence. If she’s in your home being inappropriate you’ll catch it. Be careful, safe and quiet about your plans. Don’t taunt him or goad him. If you can find work, and deposit your pay in a secret bank account. Or open one with your mom or ask a trusted friend. Hell, bury cash in your yard if you can without them seeing you. Anything. Hide it in the sandbox if you’ve got one. You’ll need to have money. Disconnect your devices from the cloud if you have a shared family phone plan. Or he’ll be able to access all of your information. Know all of his important information like SSN/DOB/DL#. Change your passwords on everything. That women will happily wedge her way into your family hoping your give up and leave her to raise your family. It complicated but 💯possible to make it! Use all the resources available to you. Calling 211 is a great start. You may want to clear your call log of such calls in case he’s paying attention. He sounds completely checked out but never underestimate a narcissist. If you choose to leave. Going back isn’t an option. EVER! You can’t give anymore chances. Go no contact once you have a lawyer involved. You will need to seek counseling and probably have a safe place to exchange the kids for visitations. But you should consider asking for full custody, child support and alimony. Some states allow you to sue the cheaters side piece for, pain, suffering and damages. Best to have proof😉📼📓
He’s practicing sex magic on you. Stop giving him access to you. Anal is a powerful way to control the mind of a person. He’s siphoning your energy, luck, love and power.
Be kind to yourself. Love, & forgive yourself.❤️🩹🍀🌹🧿