I am heartbroken.
I work in a team organizing a festival. It’s an intense environment, but until recently, I felt like I had strong bonds with the people around me – especially one colleague, let’s call her Z.
We were close. We spent time together both at work and outside of it. She confided in me about her troubled marriage and her three kids, and I always tried to support her. I really thought we had a strong friendship.
She also knew I had a crush on someone from a similar professional environment. I was honest about it – she knew I liked him. Once I threw a party and invited him. We were vibing, but then she started flirting with him right in front of me. When I asked her about it, she denied it – and I ended up apologizing for bringing it up. She was like “I would never do that. How can you say something like that.”
Later, another colleague and our mutial friend – let’s call her Eve – warned me that the guy was a ladies’ man and probably not worth it. That confused me, because he didn’t seem like that type, but I listened and backed off. I didn’t want to be hurt.
Then yesterday, another friend of mine saw Z on a date with him—and it turned out they’ve been having an affair for months, probably starting right after the party. When I confronted her, she said I had let her down, because I told her how hurt and disappointed I felt, and she said that I can’t comprehend what she is going through.
Since then, I’ve been replaying everything and realizing how off things had been for a while. Subtle things at work – being left out, feeling sidelined, E discouraging me from making a move, Z encouraging me to find a “better” job, make more sense now.
It’s not about the man. It’s the feeling of betrayal from someone I trusted deeply. I still feel confused, sad, and hurt.
Thanks for letting me share this.
Comments
Tell her husband now
Tell her husband. She clearly has zero loyalty to you so why should you have loyalty to her. Also you dodged a bullet cuz clearly he isn’t that great of a guy.
Let her blow up her life for this man & cut your losses!
They both deserve each other, her cheating while married & him Knowing!
You dodged a bullet with the guy. He’s definitely not worth it. And about Z, be careful she untrustworthy and she could risk your job.
That’s not your friend… she’s not even friends with her husband.
Why doesn’t this say ex friend???
Tell on the skank.
I’m sorry that someone mislead you and betrayed your trust. Proud of you for distancing yourself. There are really lovely people in the world that will see and hear you. Keep on keeping on.
Absolutely let her husband know. If I were in his shoes, I would want to know. Their marriage was already on the rocks, this could be a deciding factor. I don’t know what state you live in, but I t may be helpful for him in the divorce process.
She’s probably even encouraged you to cut your hair shorter
If so she really hates you
Totally understandable to be hurt. I’d cut your losses and move on! Btw which festival? I read you are in Europe and I’m looking to discover more options for the summer!
She’s a pick me. She chased after a man the second another woman showed interest. However she did you a favor by showing you his true colors, that he has no issue with cheating or affairs. Ditch them both
She is not your friend. I’m sorry OP. But look at it this way. You didn’t get involved with a man that would knowingly sleep with a married woman. You didn’t get heart broken later down the road and you can now cut a toxic friend out of your life.
“Don’t you know how this made me feel?” No but I’m sure your husband will once he finds out.
What you should be mad at is her cheating tell her husband
Tell the husband anonymously. Deny, deny, deny.
What an awful person
I am so sorry for this situation. My sympathies are with you. She is a horrible person.
The colleague who warned you that the man was a player was correct. And yes, you can do better.
I know there are some who urge you to tell the Husband, I would not tell the Husband directly. I would get some proof, hold onto it & find another job and after you’ve moved to the other job anonymously sent him the information about 6 weeks later.
But I would not let anyone know that you were the person who sent it. You work in the same field and it’s just too much drama and pain in the asst o be dealing with her and her reaction on an ongoing basis.
I know people have strong opinions about whether or not to tell the husband. I’m still not sure what to do. But I’m really here for some recognition of my feelings and sense of reality. Because she’s basically texting me, saying I’m a horrible person, that she didn’t know I liked the guy, that I should be pitying her because her life is so hard and falling apart, and that I only think about myself. So I just need some reassurance that I’m not crazy.
Both of them showed you who they are, and it ain’t good. Now you can ditch them.
I’m sorry. She stood you a favor, really.
A cheater has no loyalty. None.
He’s not a good guy. He dates married women. You don’t want him as a friend, let alone as a mate.
She saved you time and energy.
It doesn’t feel that way today, but neither are good people. You need new friends.
But, again, the betrayal sucks.
They both suck. I’m glad he was blocked from entering your life totally and you could remove your enemy who was posing as a friend. You’ll look back on this one day and be like, “I’m glad things turned out the way they did.”
I’d snitch so fast ngl
It sounds like she’s playing you. That’s not a friend. I would keep my distance from her. If it won’t screw you over too much professionally, I might think of telling her husband.
Tell her husband.
Women like that will never be your friend. They pretend for years even, just to get an occasional one up for an ego boost or manipulate to make themselves feel better about being a shit person. Sadly I have met many during my travels on this dumb rock. The real ones are out there. Just cut her off. You work with her so no choice, just Grey rock the fuck out of her. (google).
That’s no friend of yours. Need to dump them both.
Also, tell the husband.
The exact same scenario happened to my sister. If this was a year ago, I’d think I found her reddit account.
I don’t know if that will bring you any comfort, to know that that kind of behavior is a Thing. But it wasn’t you and I’m sorry you went through this. At least she took a trash man out with her…?
just reading comments and its definately wrong advise to inform her husband
just cut her off calmly, not aggressively just slow and steady
dont respond to her text if whats app dont read them
and best would be to change job
and that man is definately not worth your affection as he never thought twice hiiting with a married lady and nother of 3 kids
your collegue eve probably was right he is ladies man
sometimes its not seen clearly until you experienced them
Well the trash certainly took itself out on this one.
You don’t want or need people like this in your life. Try to accept that she was never the person you thought she was and he was a guy who is fine with cheating.
Of course it hurts, but you didn’t lose a friend, since she was never a friend. She was a liar pretending to be a good person. So you didn’t lose people, you were set free of being burdened by liars and cheaters.