My middle school bully is now a middle school teacher

I feel like throwing up, I’m physically sick.

In middle school, I fell in love with this boy: smart, funny, sharp. I confessed my feelings to him because it felt natural to express my emotions. Important clarification: I would’ve been totally fine with a “I’m not interested.” I would’ve been sad for a while, sure, but I would’ve moved on. I hate forcing people, I just wanted him to know how I felt, then the choice would’ve been his.

From that day on, my life at school became hell. He brutally targeted me: threw things at me, insulted and humiliated me, said I disgusted him and that I was pathetic, excluded me, threw my stuff out the window, made a big deal out of the tiniest things and exaggerated every mistake I made. He could never stand weakness, mistakes, or vulnerability in others. The rest of the class followed suit, and school was hell for all three years of middle school.

I’m a bit clumsy, sensitive, I don’t hide my vulnerabilities and I can’t pretend to feel (or not feel) something that I don’t. No matter what. Everyone kept telling me, “Oh come on, he must like you, he’s picking on you because he doesn’t know how to express his feelings, you’re just kids, if he treats you differently than other girls, it’s because he likes you.”
And I believed them. Because I liked him, and it was comforting to think he might feel the same.

But listen, the truth is, he never liked me. Ever.
If someone likes you, they try to make you feel good and connect with you. They don’t bully you and make you suffer like a dog. I learned that from my current boyfriend.

Back to the story, I was under this guy’s thumb for quite a while. And now I’ve developed an humiliation kink.

In high school, we were in different towns, luckily, so I didn’t see him often. One summer, he approached me because he wanted to try and hook up. I said no, because I wanted him to get to know me and appreciate me for who I am, I didn’t want to be used. He didn’t take it well. He went right back to insulting me, even accused me of being a stalker (???) and I spat in his face. His friends took my side.

That moment broke the infatuation I had for him, and I saw him for who he really was: a tiny, tiny little man with a thirst for power. A bully with the gift of charisma.

Later on, he apologized. I forgave him, but I never wanted anything to do with him again, even though he tried to chat now and then.

Many years have passed. I eventually talked to some people from our hometown and found out that he’s now a middle school teacher. A middle school teacher. A MIDDLE SCHOOL TEACHER.

How can someone like that become a middle school teacher? Will he target insecure, awkward girls? Will he hurt other people the way he hurt me? Does he have any self-awareness or conscience at all? You know how many teacher (grown adults) pick on young students?

Some people might say, “Well, maybe he’s trying to make up for what he did.”
NO. That’s NOT how you make up for it.
Being a teacher was never his dream, I know that very well. It’s just a fallback, and people don’t care much about fallbacks. And no, he hasn’t changed. He never had the reason nor the will to change.

I just hope those poor girls are stronger than I was and tell him to f*ck off the moment he tries to pick on them.
Please, I beg you: never tell a young girl that her bully has a crush on her. You’ll mess her up for years. And bullies will feel legitimized and return to the same places where they once had free reign to abuse others, like school.