Hi everyone,
I’ve just had the most bizarre morning with my mother-in-law. We have had a history of problems and are currently low contact for various reasons. She came over today to bring the children Easter eggs, but she also bought another really strange gift for my nine-year-old daughter.
She bought my nine-year-old daughter a bra. My daughter does not need a bra has never mentioned needing a bra. I’ve never said to her about getting her bra. She is a child with a child’s body. I wasn’t around when this was given to her because I was upstairs “working” .
My husband doesn’t really see what the issue is and thinks I’m overreacting, the first I knew about it was I saw it on the kitchen table, he didn’t even mention it to me. She had gone before I had even seen it. My husband said that my mother-in-law said it was for when she is older.
Am I right in thinking this is completely inappropriate and strange? What on earth would possess her to buy my nine-year-old daughter a bra?
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What an incredibly odd thing to buy for a child that isn’t yours and doesn’t need it. I don’t really have much else to say because I’m flabbergasted. Just.. what??
Regardless of her age and how odd it is she would think to buy it, bra shopping for the first time might be considered a milestone between mothers and daughters. She had no right.
It’s immaterial if your child “needs” a bra or not. The point is that you are her mother and you are the one who will handle this. I would give the bra back to your MIL and say that you are taking care of your child and don’t need her input.
Very strange. Curious what your daughter’s reaction was? I imagine that would be so uncomfortable for her.
Buy her a pack of diapers since apparently buying underwear for people is normal. Tell her it’s for when she’s older!
What an odd thing to do. My first one was a looooog time ago, but I do remember wanting to pick my own out.
So MIL can see into the future and knows what size bra daughter will need? OP is right; it is weird and inappropriate.
Like others here, I want to know what your daughter thought? I would think she would be embarrassed or uncomfortable.
It is very inappropriate without discussing it with mom (who would normally be in on this first time.) However… stuff like this is not worth the noise. Lose it in the wash. It just never makes it to daughter’s dresser. If MiL asks, you have no idea where it is- kids, ya know?
Edit: added first sentence.
Very odd and uncomfortable tbh. Feels invasive and my daughter would have been totally creeped out. Depends on what their relationship is I suppose but that’s a very personal thing to gift anyone.
I would make husband return it with a stern “not your place” talk.
I would not be ok with anyone but my husband or myself buying underwear for our children unprompted.
It’s inappropriate. It’s not her place. It’s not ok. Your husband should have a chat with her, and if he doesn’t you should ask her why on earth was she checking kids underwear out and why does she think it’s her place to make decisions regarding your kid’s development.
I think she’s trying to usurp your experience of helping your daughter find her first bra. Donate the one she brought. Never mention it. If she does tell her you don’t keep useless stuff around the house but you’re sure it found a good home.
She needs to stay in her lane.
Definitely creepy and weird.
Did she have any daughters? Maybe she wanted to feel like this was her own daughter if not? Or relive an experience from when her daughters were young if she did?
She wants the firsts.
My mil bought size 2/3 underwear for my daughter when we were still doing trainer underwear/pull ups. Had to Chuck them deep in the closet so kiddo wouldn’t see them. OH! And when kiddo was ready for them, they didn’t fit XD
I’d mail it to her with a note stating that she is out of bounds and that buying your child a bra is not her place. Tell her, bluntly, to stay in her lane. I had to do that with a SIL when my husband wouldn’t, but I called her on the phone and told her to back off.
It is inappropriate and weird. Throw it in the bin or give it back to MIL to return and tell her you will be getting your daughter her first bra when she’s ready, that’s for you to do.
First of all it’s totally inappropriate and secondly your daughter may find that she doesn’t get any until 15 when they suddenly start growing like mine did (I had a growth spurt at the same time) and in 2 months be fully grown, most likely that not the bra would be the wrong size or waist size anyway
and why would you buy it 3-5 years ahead anyway, kids don’t always grow like the parents anyway 🤷🏻♀️ so getting this is a waste of time and money, not to mention really rude.
What if she barely grows at all? This bra then suddenly becomes an insult and offensive in the eyes of a teen.
besides it’s the mother’s job and privilege to go bra shopping with their daughter.
I don’t have children yet so take this with a grain of salt.
I don’t think it’s weird for a 9 yr old to have a training bra. I think I had one around that age.
That being said, MIL should have asked you before buying it. I also think it’s special for mom and daughter to do this type of shopping together. My mother always took me before I was old enough to shop for them by myself.
I also remember one of my girlfriends being horrified at her bday party in 5th grade when she opened a gift from her aunt that was a training bra. I hope your daughter didn’t have to open the bra from MIL in front of a lot of people!
It’s presumptuous. Shopping for a first bra is a right of passage.
Buying a first bra is part of a much larger discussion with your daughter. MIL was very out of line not discussing this with your first. Not sure if you have other children but the bra sitting on the table is not very respectful of your daughter’s privacy either.
I would message her and state the boundary in clear terms. “Buying the bra and giving it to her without speaking to me first was inappropriate and disrespectful of both me and her. Do not buy her underwear again.”
Honestly, the first one, you take your daughter, try on lots, find something she’s comfortable with. You go to lunch to celebrate her. You don’t slap one on the table at Easter and say “for when you’re older”🤦🏻♀️
It’s the mom’s job to buy the first bra. Sorry but if I’ve birthed the child, there are certain things I get to do. Also be wary. She will be having the period discussion with your child as well. And the sex talk.
Stuff like that gets on my house donated. (Not bc it’s a bra but I bc of my mil inappropriate or weird gifts)
Our Easter basket contained used goodwill items missing pieces or stuff that’s not skin safe for a 6 months old or appropriate for a 2 year old. So most got tossed or will be in the donation pile back to goodwill. Info to add: my in laws are wealthy. No need to go to goodwill for Xmas bday or Easter gifts.
To your thing OP. It’s inappropriate in multiple facts :
Sorry about this
Want DH to get it? Have your mother order him some expensive fancy condoms online and have them shipped with a note, saying “They say these make the experience much better. And I want you to have the best…”
Ewww. She way overstepped boundaries. I personally think it’s inappropriate and gross because especially because your daughter hasn’t started puberty yet. That’s a parent’s place not an extended family members place.