I was scrolling through my feed earlier when I saw a post suggested to me from r/inlaws and I began to skim through it.
Has anyone ever seen euphoria? Because “is this fucking play about us” is what immediately played in my head. The post is titled something like “My son made a hurtful comment to his wife.” At first OP described how her son and DIL live far away, and both his family and DILs family live in the same area so they make their rounds with visits. I thought “oh I can relate.” Then she described how while they were at her house, the whole family was in the kitchen laughing together and the son said something about liking grandma more. I thought “how funny. My husband has said the exact same thing..” Then she described everyone dispersing and how she overheard son say “my mom’s crazy if she thinks she’s living with us. That’s (his sisters names) job or something” and then the son and DIL laughing together. Funny, a few weeks ago, this exact thing happened at my MILs house. She went on talk about how her son would never be so hurtful to her before he married DIL.
I read another post, one she made in r/AmItheAsshole and my goodness. She talked about how she FaceTimed her son to show him the bread she had made. Weird.. yesterday my MIL FaceTimed my husband to show him the bread she made. She talked about how she made a joke about how her bread was better than DILs, and her son confronted her about it so she accused DIL of texting from her son’s phone. That’s strange. In my situation, I wasn’t even aware the joke was made, much less messaged her about it.
And then her most recent post in the inlaws sub again. She laid it all out. Talked about how her and her daughters don’t get along, how she might have an underlying issue with me, talked about their entire family dynamic, when my husband and I started dating, got married, him joining the military. She even mentioned that her and I have had our differences. I wasn’t even aware we had differences.
I’m not sure what to do here. A part of me wants to bring it up to my husband, but a part of me also thinks I should just let it go. I’ve ranted on reddit about her (granted, I don’t leave them up incase rants are found and feelings are hurt – and that was before I even knew she was on reddit), so why shouldn’t she have a space to rant as well. Maybe I should block the account and not worry about it, out of sight out of mind. Maybe I should keep an eye out to see if she mentions these differences that we apparently have. What would y’all do in this situation?
Edit: man some of yall going over there commenting “DIL found your post!!” I can’t have shit round here
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I wouldn’t say anything to anyone and I would keep an eye on the account to see what else she posts
The comments ate her up. That would be enough for me to get over it 😂
Tbh I would keep receipts just in case (that’s me and I’m petty) but it sounds like your husband is on top of handling her and her shitty comments
You could just go post to her (on a separate user id) that she might consider if her post is too detailed due to the way Reddit recommends to other users. Would it cause problems if her DIL read the post? That ought to freak her out. I’d also consider that yourself on this one. I don’t know how smart the algorithm is but if it figures out your post has similar details as hers she might get a recommendation to look at this one.
It’s your new secret source of info … use it to your advantage!!
Show your husband her posts before she finds this and deletes hers. Screenshot them for yourself.
I hope you saw all of the comments defending you and your husband. ❤️
I read her post and I’m honestly flabbergasted that someone could think that, type it out and STILL press post thinking people would side with them. Yeesh.
Have you read the update?
Honestly, you could use this to your advantage
Definitely at least screenshot the posts in case she finds this post of yours and deletes hers (or deletes it anyway).
Personally I’d be pleased for the opportunity to get some insider intel, but that’s just me 🤷♀️ Maybe keep it under your hat for now – if you tell your husband or your MIL you will have tipped your hand.
If you can, keep it under your hat and watch the account. You may get some more helpful information, or you might see her in real time getting flamed in the comments section. She got some VERY clear feedback, so who knows, she might stick around for another dose.
I’d leave it alone. Both you and your MIL are doing the exact same thing… posting on Reddit for venting and receiving feedback back from others.
Girl, have you seen her update??? That is a very evident attempt to save face because SHE KNOWS that you are reading her posts. After accusing you that you have changed his son for the worst (because she can no longer control him), suddenly you are the most wonderful person in the world and she loves you SOOO MUCHHHH, and everything she wrote was being misunderstood by everyone…..yeaaaah very clearly bullsh$t.
So glad you have a wonderful husband with a shiny steel spine that will have your back! Your very young MIL sounds toxic as f@ck! And she need to urgently find a job, hobbies and even start dating. She needs a life of her own and let their adult children live their lifes.
*edit typos
Just post the truth. Better yet, drop it entirely. Sort of a silly game to be playing IMO
I’d be nosy and keep watching.
You can probably get good shit from her ramblings and she doesn’t know that you know what’s going on
I’d let her have her space to vent and block her. If it gets out of hand then address it.
I’d take it as a good lesson that everyone, including your MIL and you, writes their own narrative. That we all tend to assign motives and feelings to other people and make assumptions.
She outright said somewhere in one of her post/comments that she always assumed her daughters—who both have emotional outbursts and BPD so she has a difficult relationship with—would always stay with grandma and she would eventually move to live near you and your husband especially as soon as in within 3-5 years you’ll be having her grandchildren. She’s just assumed that because her family has always had close proximity and he moved away directly after HS that at some point she would have that proximity again by moving herself to be near you and leaving her daughters with grandma.
Her difficult to live with daughters. While moving to live near you and her son who apparently is the golden child I take it? That is so problematic I can’t figure out where to begin. Also, she’s only 40! She should be planning out the second half of her life! She’s an incredibly young widow with three grown children. Develop hobbies, build a career, find a second love of her life, volunteer with a passion project, fill your life up with things that matter to you besides pettiness like competing with your DIL who is a fantastic baker (I wanna see pics of the sourdough by the way! I also love to bake bread!!) and getting your imaginary feelings hurt because you don’t get to shadow your son and his family around the globe!
I am shocked that she can’t see she has a problem with you. She probably does love you but she’s also incredibly jealous of you and she definitely feels subconsciously at least like you stole her son from her. She’d probably never say that or even own up to feeling that way but him enlisting and marrying you altered her mental picture for her family and she can’t blame him because he’s perfect so she has to blame you for all of it.
Definitely tell your husband, she needs to be set straight. She also made a post on another sub, asking if there was a sub for JNDIL, where someone directed her to the inlaws sub.
She is banking on a promise your husband made as a child or teenager that she would be living with him, and is putting the blame on you, that it’s not happening
I’m of two minds here. On one hand, I’m a very direct person and if I find out someone is shit talking me I usually go straight to them and confront them. Letting things fester usually doesn’t lead to anything good in my experience.
On the other hand, I don’t know that I’d tell my husband if I were in your position. It sounds like he already has your back and already has a strained relationship with his mom, so if you care at all about allowing him the choice of what he wants to do with their relationship in the future, he needs to make up his own mind about it without this being the defining factor.
That being said, I wouldn’t block her, and I wouldn’t seek her posts out either. But I would screenshot them and save them as an insurance policy in case she tells on herself to him directly and attempts to rewrite history. Based on her posts (I did go stalk them) she seems like she would attempt to do that if she can get away with it.
If people are already telling her that you found her post than you should inform your husband, so that he hears it from you and not your justno.