I’m having a c section in 13 days. We just scheduled it, as it’s going to be early term (37 weeks). Today my partner called his parents to let them know what day it was going to be and also to let them know that they will be able to come to the hospital, but that we want some time just the three of us first so we will just have to see how it goes and we will let them know when they can come. MIL freaked out and said that we were “micromanaging” her and FIL. The thing is they haven’t always been very kind or welcoming to me and they repeatedly ignore boundaries or harass us about them until we give in to what they want.
I’m really anxious because I do not want them to contact me or my partner the day of the c section asking when they can come. I don’t want them just showing up and the staff having to tell them that they’re not allowed to be there. I just want peace and calm.
I need advice to relay to my partner about what he can say to his mom or what he can do to make it clear that their opinion on who is going to be at the hospital and when is not welcome. That we don’t want to be contacted on that day. That we will let them know when they can come. And that if they can’t respect these boundaries, they’re going to run the risk of not being able to come at all. Typically the more firm my partner is, the more his mom lashes out. Which I need to avoid because I simply can not handle any more stress. Any and all advice appreciated and welcome.
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Tell your partner that you will be recovering from *major abdominal surgery*. When (and IF) you and LO receive visitors will depends entirely on how the surgery goes. Stress *surgery* until the word embeds itself in your partner’s brain. Then tell him to only refer to your c-section as ‘surgery’, not ‘delivery’ or any other baby-connected word. (Would he want someone ‘visiting’ when he was recovering from a colonoscopy? – even though that’s an outpatient procedure, you’re still put under for it.)
So the day before he can remind them that you will be recovering from major abdominal surgery and he will update them when able. Let them know his phone will be on DND so he can focus on you and the baby recovering. Any messages sent before he reaches out to them, he should just delete. When you are both ready, he can let them know. You will also let the staff know that you don’t want any visitors at first. The nurses will understand and advocate for you as well.
Why on earth did you tell them the day? The easiest thing for you would’ve been if they didn’t know.
What are the consequences if she shows up at the hospital uninvited? Because she is showing up.
First you shouldn’t have told anyone the damn date. The second you can always turn off your cell phone so even if they try to get a hold of you they cannot. Let the nurses in the obstetrics ward and the surgical Ward know they are not to be let in. Stand up for yourself or you’re going to be steam room for the rest of your life
You really shouldn’t have told them the day, they absolutely will try to force their way in univited. Tell the nurses on the ward that you want NO VISITORS for at least three hours or so after birth, and they should help enforce that if your husband’s spine suddenly turns into spaghetti.
Enforce it with husband too – if he lets them in when you don’t want them around, he can go join them in the waiting area.
Personally, when my niblings were born, none of us went to the hospital, we stayed away until we were invited for a visit at BIL’s/SIL’s home.
Say ‘okay’ and then don’t tell them until you’re ready for visitors.
Is there any way to move the date up by one day and then say nothing to them? But even as I say this… you should sit your partner down and talk to him about this. You’re allowed to be selfish during the birth of your child. It’s you on display, it’s you in pain, it’s you being exhausted. So he needs to put you and what you want first and he needs to stand up to his parents or simply not answer the phone for the day.
Her tantrum isn’t your problem. Protect your peace—this is about you and baby, not her ego.
You are having major surgery. Birth is not a spectator sport and you deserve time to recover and bond. He can tell her that your OB says no visitors until your home and settled. They’re all fine with you blaming them if you have to. The postpartum period is a roller coaster, and the last thing I wanted was anyone around besides my husband while I navigated recovery, hormone swings, learning to breastfeed, being a new mom, and my baby and I getting to know each other. He can let them know that he will start a group text and will share any major updates, but he won’t be responding to any questions or requests, and no one is to disturb you, per doctor’s orders. He can also let them know that you all will FaceTime when ready. DO NOT let anyone pressure or guilt you into having a birth experience you don’t want. Let the hospital staff know no visitors. They are obligated to keep them out.
This shouldn’t even be on your heart today. Tell your husband to be a man, husband and father and fix the situation. Tell him to use his words.
Tell them 6 months. They may see the child at 6 months. Don’t like it? Kick rocks. You do not like them anyway.
Both of you should definitely mute each of their phone numbers that day! You can unmute them the next day (or next year, lol).