My MIL just doesn’t get it.

Apologies in advance that this is going to come across like a rant more than anything, but I feel like unless I get this out of me I’m going to end up saying something to her or my husband that I can’t take back 😅

Backstory: MIL (and SIL) have not been welcoming towards me. They’ve done the bare minimum, as in they’re cordial when they see me but they don’t engage in any conversation. They’ve never asked to spend one on one time together. They know nothing about me, not even what I do for work. When we’re in a room they really only engage with my husband. MIL has mental health issues that she doesn’t treat and lives a very reclusive life where everything revolves around her and her needs and feelings. SIL (36,single) is very awkward, socially stunted, very focused on MIL’s wellbeing and pleasing her. My husbands dad passed away a few years ago, and from what I’ve gathered he was the sane one and my husband is a direct reflection of him. MIL treats her children as though they’re young children and frequently references memories or inside jokes that only the 3 of them would know. She relies on my husband like he’s hers.

Current: My husband and I have been together for 2 years and got married last month. I’m also 5 months pregnant with our first. When we found out and told my MIL, the first thing she said was “my son will be a great parent but I don’t know about you, I don’t really know you”. This led to an eventual sit down with her where she expressed that since I’ve been in the picture, she doesn’t see or talk to him as much and it makes her deeply unhappy. She refused to pinpoint what her issue with me is, saying she’s “really not sure”. After reiterating to her that we are adults and have a life, and the time she gets with us should be enough, she started making promises that she would make more of an effort to get to know me, we’d spend time together, she would be more invested in the pregnancy, etc. Well, a few months went by and not a peep from her. It even got to the point where I was pushing to not include her in the wedding. She did end up going because I felt it would be more drama than benefit, but it was awkward and forced. I said maybe 2 sentences to them and kept it moving. Later heard from my family that she was offended that my family used his first name in their speeches rather than the first/middle name his family calls him and that she “couldn’t understand why they call him that”… I don’t know, because that’s how he introduced himself and it’s his name? Yet another thing to make about herself. SIL is no better… her response to the pregnancy was “am I going to actually get to see this baby?” Well, no, probably not considering you make no effort to have a relationship.

The Now: We got back from our honeymoon a few weeks ago and yesterday my MIL called my husband and asked if she had done something wrong since she hadn’t heard from him since the wedding. He was brave (I love this for him) and told her that actually, there is a problem – she hasn’t followed through on anything she said she would do, she hasn’t made me feel welcome, and that we’re a team now and if they want a relationship with him then they’re going to have to have one with me. She cried, told him she didn’t know how to fix it, and then said she’s going through something (as a justification for her behaviour). When is she not going through something?

For the first time ever, my usual happy go lucky husband who believes all things can be fixed and wonderful said to me, “I don’t have high hopes that this will get better”. This isn’t what either of us wanted or envisioned and I think we’d both like to someday get to a civil point where it’s not uncomfortable… but for right now, it’s pretty shitty. We’re both on the same page about them not meeting the baby until our relationships improve and there’s consistent effort shown, and I just know that’s going to cause an uproar.

I don’t know if I should just leave this alone and let her dig her own grave, or what.