I have a polite relationship with my in laws, it’s somewhat strained bc they just aren’t very nice. But my husband is their only child so we make it work. They have an open invitation to our house, and I FaceTime them frequently.
They live 1.5 hours away and visit a few times per month. They missed my son’s bday party 2 weeks ago and we tried to reschedule for last weekend but they had a ‘once in a lifetime’ dinner with family members who live an hour away. So we’re having it today. That’s all fine.
But when they come, they act like they’re extremely involved and the experts on my kids. I don’t want to get into minute details but that’s the tone. I become an invisible person while they’re here. I can’t be alone with MIL anymore bc she is mean when we are alone.
When my oldest was 1 year old, my husband and I went on our first overnight trip to go see my favorite singer a few hours away. Before we left my husband asked his mom that if he takes his first steps, please don’t tell us because we want to ‘witness’ it for ourselves and have that first with him as his parents. When we came back, she told me privately that my son took his first steps with them. I was proud of my son but devastated that I missed his first steps. My husband told her that as well.
Today she was in the front yard with my 10 month old and her mom (my husbands grandma). I went outside to call them in for dinner and my MIL comes up to me and says ‘(my son) took 2 steps all by himself!’ Literally out of nowhere. I was shocked because he is just only starting to stand while holding onto a support with 1 hand. We tried the baby walker and he didn’t take any steps with it last week. My MIL continued walking inside and my husband was right behind her. I told my husband what MIL said, and he saw on my face I was devastated. He went inside with me and went right to his mom and said basically ‘Mom, he didn’t take any steps outside with you. And if you say stuff like that, it’s not right because those are milestones that you know we are parents are very important to us and we want to be there for’. She was confused and said that yes he did take steps by himself, he wasn’t holding onto anything. My husband, trying to salvage the moment for me, said no he definitely didn’t. She said again that yes, he was standing holding the table and then let go and then took 2 steps by himself before grabbing onto the chair. She literally did not understand what my husband was saying.
I am a SAHM, I’m with my baby every waking hour basically. How is it that the few hours this month that he’s with my MIL are when he actually takes his first steps. Again. It’s like a cruel joke on me to miss it again. I have so much guilt over splitting my attention between my toddler and baby, I feel like I don’t give the baby as much attention as I did my toddler. Could it be I’ve been so out of touch with my baby that I didn’t see him about to take his first steps? How absent and neglectful have I been? She also said that he’s parroting what they say in their language, like 3 syllable words.
They’re here for a few more hours for birthday pizza and cake and I’m just trying to pretend that I’m not upset. My husband said she probably made it up, but it was very detailed and I don’t think she did.
Comments
Quick Rule Reminders:
OP’s needs come first, avoid dramamongering, respect the flair, and don’t be an asshole. If your only advice is to jump straight to NC or divorce, your comment may be subject to removal at moderator discretion.
^(Full Rules) ^(|) ^(Acronym Index) ^(|) ^(Flair Guide)^(|) ^(Report PM Trolls)
Resources: ^(In Crisis?) ^(|) ^(Tips for Protecting Yourself) ^(|) ^(Our Book List) ^(|) ^(Our Wiki)
Other posts from /u/comfortable_clouds:
^(To be notified as soon as comfortable_clouds posts an update) [^click ^here.](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=botinlaw&subject=Subscribe&message=Subscribe comfortableclouds JUSTNOMIL) ^(|) ^(For help managing your subscriptions,) [^(click here.)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki.2Fu.2Fthejustnobot)
^(I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please) ^(contact the moderators of this subreddit) ^(if you have any questions or concerns.)
There’s a really good chance she’s lying just to hurt you. I’d disregard anything she says tbh.
I think she lied to you both times.
What a coincidence that your husband mentions to her how important his first steps are to you, and he just happens to take his first steps when he’s with her.
And now with your second. And the fact that she goes out of her way to tell you. She wants to hurt you.
She probably feels like she’s gaining something by you thinking she had that milestone with your kids instead of you. It’s a way for her to feel like she’s in control and convince herself and others around her that she’s an involved and loving grandparent. It’s something she can brag about.
She is just saying it to get you upset. She knows how important it is to you and wants to piss on your parade. Don’t let her! You’ve got this, supermom!!