Every time I ask how she’s doing, she says “I’m fine” with a smile. But I can see the tiredness in her eyes, the way her shoulders slump when she thinks no one’s looking. I feel like she carries the world on her back but never complains. I love her so much and I appreciate her everyday…
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My mom too, I wish I could help her but I’m 18 ,I don’t have money
Ugh this made me cry, I’m in the same boat. My mom has always gone out of her way not to show negative emotions around me or my sisters and I try so hard to tell her that she can talk to me, but I get nothing. She’s almost 70 and dealing with SO much, and I really don’t know what to do or how to be there for her
Sorry to not give you any advice, because I really don’t have any.. but you’re not alone
Honestly just tell her that. Maybe find a card that you think she’ll like and just write that in there, if it’s too hard to say it loud. Even texting it to her would be perfectly fine. I guarantee that it will make her feel so loved and seen.
Moms are warriors, they hide their pain to protect us. Don’t let her go it alone, dude. Be her rock. Keep asking, keep loving, keep being there.
I have several family members like this. Something that helped me offer help, but made them still feel comfortable talking in specifics. So for example, when my mom’s best friends both moved away and she basically lost her community overnight, I called her up and in a regular conversation we were having just said “gosh Jill and Linda both leaving within two months of each other must be really really hard. I would be so sad if my best friends both left. How are you doing?” And she felt comfortable to comment on that kind of cracked her shell
Y’know it’s tough but she’s showing ya real strength right there. She’s tryna protect ya, carry the load so u don’t have to. U gotta respect that. It’s time to step up tho, be her rock. Show her it’s okay to let that smile drop now n then. Deffo, chat with her, show her ur there for her just as much as she’s been there for you. It’s tough, it’s real tough, but together, I swear you’ll both make it through. It’s just life, and life’s a crazy ride, ya know?
Then let her know that you love and appreciate her, it would mean the world to her!
“You’re clearly not fine, if you don’t want to talk about it right now then okay, but know I’m here to help, support, comfort in whatever way I can when you’re ready”
As a mum, thank you for noticing this and worrying.
You don’t necessarily have to address this but show her she’s doing a great job and you love her, which I’m sure you do do
You’re so sweet but she’s gonna struggle to talk to you because she’s your mom and feel it’s not appropriate most likely.
Is there anyone close you can chat to quietly? A close girlfriend of hers you can get to check in?
In the meantime see what you can do to lift pressure in terms of chores and things. Maybe do some nice things that will encourage her to relax and take some time. Maybe a nice lunch or a little spa treatment if it’s her bag or something you know she likes to do that’s calming but she doesn’t make enough time for. She’ll recognise you’re trying to help her feel better and appreciate it. Might also encourage her to open up a little because she’ll feel seen by it too. Good luck honey and good on you for making the effort
Hug her. Tell her you love her and be nice to her always!!!
You’re a good kid. I’m sure your mom appreciates your love and concern. You remind me of my 2 kids, we are very close and even in their 20s now i still try to shield them from my depression (I’m bipolar and not medicated) but they know, they always have. And without saying anything word they were always there for me. Give mom a hug when you see this, for “no reason”, its amazing how it makes you feel so much better.
I don’t know how old you are but, you have to remember, parents who are older were raised in a different generation. When they were taught to become parents they were taught to be strong, not to “air their dirty laundry”, so to speak (not to say what’s wrong to other people, keep it inside). So, even though she won’t talk to you, just know she sees you seeing her (if that makes sense). Also, one of the other commenters suggested getting her a card, I think that’s a great idea! Just don’t give up on her. She knows you love her for trying to help.
Man, so I don’t live near my family but I work with a lot of older women. I’d protect them from anything lmao.
They’re not fine but they’re ok. Your concern I’m sure means a lot to your coworkers!
Do something nice for your Mom, take a load off of her shoulders without asking/telling her. Do some laundry, clean the bathroom, make dinner, make her a cup of coffee/tea. As a Mom who carries the weight of our world, I would appreciate any one of those things. Show your Mom how much your appreciate her.
u gotta understand, moms are champs, they got that superhuman strength to hide their struggles n keep the fam afloat. But real talk tho, sometimes they need a shoulder too. So step up, be there for her like she’s always been for u. Trust me m8, it’s gonna mean the world to her. Moms ain’t always gotta be the strong ones. Time to flip the script. Flex those empathetic muscles.
it is really touching. Sometimes the strongest people are the ones who say im fine while holding everything together for everyone else. The fact that you notice those little signs shows how much you love and care for her. Even small gestures sitting with her, helping with chores, or telling her you appreciate her can mean more than you realize. She may not always say it, but she’ll feel it.
the same i can say about my mom, i see her suffering but she continues to deny this fact
Give her a massive cuddle and tell her how much you appreciate her. Bring her a present that she will love and ask her what you can do. Good luck, she sounds lovely xxx
When my mom had a stressful year one time, I paid for a deep tissue massage and gifted it to her for Mother’s Day. It was $100 dollars but she LOVED it and it made her feel relaxed for a few days. It won’t take away the emotional load of things but maybe it could help your mom have a moment to relax and let her know that you care about her and are paying attention. I’ve also cleaned before she did so she didn’t have much to do and/or made dinner. Those are more cost friendly options too.
I think the main reason people say that they’re fine, when they’re not, is they don’t want to be a burden on someone else if they were to admit it. I know that’s the case with me. I got more than a full plate to deal with and life has only gotten harder over the years. stress, monetarily, emotionally ect.. and no matter how rough it gets when someone asks the reply is usually, I’m fine. I’m okay. Just tired Etc