My mom cheated on my dad 5 years ago and I haven’t told anyone.

I’m not really sure how to word this all besides being brutally honest.

I’m currently 26. Around the age of 21 I was at home in the afternoon and was off work the day this happened (I did fast food). My mom had done remote work from home for a company on her laptop, and for whatever reason she left briefly to pick up one of my younger sisters, I think from exam week during late spring. I had gone into my parents’ room to get an envelope for bank related information (these were in my parents’ room) and saw she had left her laptop open. So I motioned to close it, save the battery, right? and that’s when I noticed the camera was on and saw my face on screen. I saw some guy’s face, and then I heard the end of a Skype call, that kind of disconnect sound.

For a moment I kind of stood there dumbfounded. I scrolled through the chat and found several photos from my mom sent to this person, and all of them were her dressed up in costumes he asked. A maid outfit. Some strange French-themed attire. There were nudes too. And the conversations didn’t get any better the more I scrolled, some her talking about her children as “spawn”. I got anxious and hid in my laundry room, and I’m pretty sure I had my first ever panic attack. I called my friend and told her if she could come pick me up for just an impromptu hangout. To kill time I forced whatever courage I had to do the dishes, and when my mom came home, she first went to her room and then came to me.

“Did you or your sisters go into my room?” I told her no. “Oh. Hmm.” She called my dad on the phone whilst still in the kitchen and told him “Hey someone might’ve been in our house.” She had also mentioned something about if it was one of my sisters they might’ve seen “silly photos of her and friends”. Then she hung up, had some kind of minor ache in which she hugged me for relief, and left back to her room.

I believe the guy on the Skype call told my mom I looked at the laptop, but he had never seen me, so he probably described me as a stranger. I don’t honestly know if my dad knows, or is/was in some kind of open relationship. I never asked, but I wanted to. I just was afraid. My sisters were all going through important moments in their lives with school, my uncle was battling lung cancer, and not more than a few weeks later my mom would find out she had cancer too.

What the hell was I supposed to do? So I stayed silent. I quit my job (shouldn’t have) and helped my sisters with school, my mom with medical related activities, and had a small job as an occasional pesticide employee for my friend’s neighborhood pesticide guy.
It’s been 5 years. I hate feeling sorry for myself, but just recently as of last year I really felt like I had finally started to escape the shell I had been stuck in. My sisters are all doing well in life choices, and I’ve motivated and pushed them more than my own parents to get out and get lives. I had been lucky to have online friends that I feel inspired by all the time to pursue education, and also other skillsets. But I also don’t drive, nor do I have a real job.

Obviously there are a few things left out. I have a very close relationship with my dad, but even still he has never really pushed me to pursue my goals, nor ultimately helped me, rather, I’ve helped with car and house payments, and helped pay for 2 cars at points in my life. I talked with him very recently about my current life situation, and he said he’d help me figure it out.

Truthfully I’d like to leave as of yesterday. I live in the U.S. and would move anywhere, state or country, that I could. I had no medical insurance, education, or job holding me here, but it’s just not as easy as booking a flight and leaving. At times I’ve wanted to address my mom, but have backed out at times due to love or anxiety. She beat her cancer recently. I don’t know if it’s just something I suck up and hold onto for the rest of my life, but I do want to leave.

If you’ve read this much and choose to reply it means the world to me with any advice you may have. I’m just another lost soul out here trying to figure their life out, and seeing some of my best friends talk so much (and with me) about their own lives (and mine) has made me want to try again. I’d move anywhere right now, and pick up any job. I’ve even considered WorkAway just to get away. A distant online friend has talked with me about moving to Canada for lumber & oil remote work for instance. I’d really like that.

Thanks for your time, and please keep your own heads up if you too are struggling. I would like to start therapy once I am more situated, and encourage anyone else too if able.