okay so i really need advice guys because this is a little crazy and yall are going to have a hard time believing itđbut when i was 13 my mom died and that same year my moms adopted sister (they adopted this woman and her brother into our family) she went on to have a relationship with my dad even after my mom died (they started sneaking around when she was 17 him in his 40s but stopped caring to hide it once my mom died) and it made me so uncomfortable and when i ever voiced how i felt no one ever cared, which just never set right with me because that is INDEED not a normal situation ?? that goes against so so much⌠fast forward my graduation year 2018 SHE HAS A BABY WITH MY DAD and it made me SPIRAL !!!!! and in 2020 her and my dad split because she spoke to him about trying for another baby and my dad wasnât interested so we moved out. Jump to 2021 my dad passed away later into the year and there was a time we were in the car and my moms adopted sister asked me âwhen (her child) gets older can i tell her stories about himâ and i feel like ive just been guilt tripped into sticking around but I am just truly uncomfortable with all this because even if my dad was alive she would still try to date him and iâm like dude you were literally ADOPTED into MY
MOMS family and had the NERVE to date her baby father when she died AND had a baby with him ? I am seriously thinking of changing my phone number for my 25th birthday and cutting it all off. I donât know why i have so much empathy but i feel like i shouldâve give it towards her because doing that to my mother was just disgusting.. and my half siblings from my dad talk to her and even go to visit her and even when i told them how i feel they donât care?? but when i tell my friends and strangers about this their jaws drop because of how disgusting the situation is. Am I in the clear to cut them off? like me and her kid have an 18 year age gap anyway so i donât really care. Failed to mention she was born in 1992âŚ.really gross
My mom died and her adopted sister dated and had a baby with my dad? My dad died and she still wants contact with me. Should I cut them off?
r/Advice
Comments
Cut her off this is betrayal beyond repair. Choosing peace over twisted loyalty is survival.
I mean. The child is your half sibling and cousin. Idk if it makes you feel weird just leave it in the past. Being 18 is enough social pressure
Okay, so, it’s pretty common for people who are already close (such as best friends or in-laws), when dealing with the grief of someone they had in common, to become closer and have a relationship.
It’s understandable that it was hard for you to deal with, because you were grieving your mom’s death, you weren’t ready for any kind of stepmom situation, especially not the extra complication of two people you already knew in your family getting together. I don’t blame you for struggling with this. It’s a lot to take in.
BUT. Your dad and your mom’s sister did nothing wrong here. (At least, if there was any actual bad behavior, you did not mention it at all in your story). Your dad should have respected you more – a 13-14 year old is still a kid and it’s really formative years – by taking it more slow with your mom’s sister. But they didn’t do anything wrong and that’s why a bunch of other people in your family are still cool with them.
You said you “have so much empathy and you wish you could give it to her” – But actually, do you? I don’t think you are trying to see this from hers or your dad’s point of view at all?
She did not betray your mom. She and your dad had a legitimate relationship that they kinda rushed into because they both probably were really vulnerable and in pain. Having a baby was not the most strategic decision there I’ll admit, but what are you gonna do. Then when your dad died she still wants to talk to you probably because you’ve been in her life and she still cares about you! (That is if she is not being a jerk to you or specifically doing anything bad!)
It sucks but it seems like you’re letting your grief just take the form of anger. It’s fine to be angry but like maybe you try talking to a therapist before cutting off everyone in your family?
Itâs absolutely normal for people to have relationships like the one you described.
Why on earth would you want your father to be single, miserable and unhappy? How selfish of you!
Yes, by all means, fall off the face of the Earth, and OUT of your half-sibs & step-momâs lives!!!!
They donât need a petty Tyrannical child like YOU in their lives!
Your fathers girlfriend/wife has a rightâŚ. A RESPONSIBILITY to tell her child who their father is, and the kind of loving, caring man – who had to put up with a her brat of a stepchild!
Ick worthy
You’re valid. What she did was wrong. Cut ties if it protects your peace it’s okay to choose healing.
You have every right to make your own decisions about her and her baby. It doesnât matter what your half siblings do or donât do. I wouldnât want anything to do with her or the child. Iâm sorry youâve gone through so much in your young life. I wish you well. Remember, family are the people who love and accept you for who you are.