I (19F) moved out a few months ago, but I still had some old boxes at my parents’ house. Last week my mom was cleaning and found one of my old notebooks – basically my diary from when I was like 14 to 17.
She texted me saying she peeked at a few pages and found it “interesting” and asked if she could keep it. I told her no, it’s private and I don’t want anyone reading it.
She kept pushing though, saying it’s just silly teenage stuff and that I shouldn’t be so secretive. But honestly, there’s stuff in there that… even when I read it now, I’m kinda surprised I ever wrote. It’s not just drama or random feelings. Some things in there are really personal.
I kept telling her no, but she started acting like I was hiding some deep dark secret from them. Even my dad messaged me, saying it’s not a big deal and I should just let her see it.
It’s been bugging me for days now. I guess it sounds dumb, but there’s parts of myself I’ve never shared with anyone. Not even my friends. And honestly, if you saw me today, you’d probably never expect it.
I just needed to get that off my chest.
Comments
OMG what a violation of privacy 😡. I’m so sorry! Is there anyone you trust you can send to get it from them?
Tell her she can read it but it will be the last communication she ever sees from you again.
Tell her what she told you: “It’s just silly teenage stuff, so stop being so nosey ab it. You were a teenager once, use your imagination. I said no and i meant it, so please accept my boundary. This isn’t a topic up for debate.”
If it no big deal, then not being able to read should also not be a big deal.
So why is she making a big deal out of it?
I think she already read it and was just looking for posthumous permission…
Through all the stages of my life my mother actively read my diary and would respond to my thoughts. It was a horrifying experience I wouldn’t wish on anyone. It also fucked me up reeeeeeeal good. I stopped journaling (which took away one of my only healthy coping skills at the time) and now I don’t talk to my mom, lol.
I’m sorry you’re having to deal with her nosiness and inability to respect your privacy.
Is her mother still alive? If your grandmother is alive, I’m sure your grandmother can tell you some stories about your mother as a teenager.
I doubt your mother would like hearing those stories of having you know them.
I don’t know if you’ve seen the movie back to the future? The first one where he goes back and finds his mom is kind of not the teen she makes out to be.
The last thing a parent wants to hear is their child finding out secrets about their childhood 🤣🤣🤣🤣
She totally read it.
I saw you already get it back, but this is something you should talk more about with her. She needs to know that testing boundaries are unacceptable and that it will sour the relationship between you and her.
There’s some good articles and stories out there that explain to parents why it is such an invasion of privacy and why breaking it is a very bad idea even if there’s nothing bad in there. Also some on why those types of remarks she used to push can be damaging (including wow! You’re finally out of you’re room).
Here’s one, but there are others. Use your judgement of what your mom responds best to, and show her that.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/thinking-about-kids/201702/no-mom-you-cant-read-your-daughters-diary-or-texts
I mean tell her the truth. “Mom, if you read my diary against my express wishes I will never trust you again. It is in fact a big deal. You will irreparably damage our relationship. I will never forgive you.”