I (18F) have gotten my first job and I was really looking forward to making money so I can get things that I like and need.
For context: I do not attend college in the US despite being born and raised here but I travel back and forth to see friends and stuff.
To make a long story short: My mom keeps emphasizing that I need to save money for college and my other expenses. This wouldnt be a problem if I didn’t have literally nothing after she took whatever she decided was appropriate which is damn near everything.
If I make 550 dollars I literally get like 50 dollars out of that. In this economy wtf can I do with 50 dollars for travel fare, food, and my other needs?
My mom has always been on my tail about my spending habits despite me literally never getting to keep any money I recieve or make. It doesn’t help that she reaches into my savings whenever she pleases without telling me. I haven’t confronted her about this either.
I really need to keep her out of my pockets and I feel like she is hating on me so bad because I can literally spend 15 dollars on a necessity and she will hound me about it later. Im already doing the best with what I got and I’m about to lose it at work because I feel like I’m working for nothing.
Any solutions? Our accounts are linked and I’m so ill equipped I have zero idea what my options are.
Comments
This is financial suffocation get a new bank account she can’t touch and reroute your paycheck fast you’re not selfish you’re surviving no one should work just to be robbed at home
Can you unlink your account or just make a new bank account either st the same bank or a different one? You can have any of your pay cheques transferred there. Talk to your bank and see what options you have they’ll be understanding
You are 18. Get your own account
You’re 18 so I think you can get unlinked?
You live anywhere with a credit union? I’d go into a brick and mortar credit union and talk to someone about your options.
Get your own bank account. You’re 18 now, you can set one up.
Once created, put everything from the account that your mum has “put” in, and put it in your own. Save.
One of the first things I did when I turned 18 was open my own bank account. If you have a linked one chances are both parties (you and her) have to agree to unlink the account. She may not want to. Get your own and give your work your new banking info for deposits.
You’re 18… You can go to the bank, open a new personal account only you can access and change your payment details talking to your employer.
Now that you are 18, you can go and create your own bank account and have your work direct deposit to the new account. There you can control how much you want to put away for saving. Financial literacy is crucial so I would advice you to start setting up some budgeting guideline for yourself. For how much you make, factor in what you need to put aside to pay bill, emergency funds, school funds and discretionary funds and stay within those limit. Also apply for a credit card as I do not advice you to use your debit card for any payment because if you happen to get your debit card information stolen, you can and potentially will lose everything in your account.
Credit card is a great tool if you spend within your means and pay them off every month. You get some cash back and a layer of protection where if there is unauthorize charges or someone stole your credit card information and charge a large amount, you can contact the back to have them revert the charge and cancel / reissue you a new card. Make a habit to review your credit card statement monthly at a minimum and always always pay it off every month.
You mention travel funds. If you utilize your credit card to pay for daily necessity you can save enough points to covert that to fund your trips. You can search up travel hacks with credit card rewards, but ya good luck
After you get your own account with no access, start setting terms or finding your own place with a roommate.
Edit: your mom has no access…
Get your employer to auto deposit your paychecks into your new, separate bank account. Note that your mother may start charging you rent if you’re living with her. Understand that she’s still subsidizing your existence, assuming you live with her and get all your domestic needs met (food on the table, laundry facilities, electricity, etc.)
either ask your bank to unlink your accounts (for myself, i had to have my dad present to unlink it, so, this may not be the best option for you if the bank requires your mom present) or open a new account at a different bank/credit union & have your money redirected to that account.
good luck! 🫶
You go open up your own account at a different bank. Then set up direct deposit to your new checking account. All your money will automatically go there and she won’t be able to touch it. If your work doesn’t do automatic deposit then see if you can pick up your paycheck at work at then go deposit it in your own account.
Be aware that as an 18 year old your mom may not react well and she might start trying to charge you rent. Make sure you’ve got some plans on what to do if that happens.
get your bank account, move out and enjoy. Otherwise even if you got new bank account she’ll demand rent which probably going to be your whole pay check anyways.
or just do nothing and keep giving her all of your money and staying with her. It usually one or the other. It just her telling you to move out without telling you.
3rd option is just stop working. What the point?
Get a new bank account at a different bank/credit union, with just you on it.
Have your employer switch your direct deposit to the new account.
Get ready to move out.
Open a new account, & transfer whatever is left in your checking & savings accounts into your new account. Then go to your employer & fill out a new automatic deposit form so your paychecks get deposited into your new account. It’s a very simple process. If you need help getting it done, go to your bank & have a bank employee, not a teller, assist you. The easiest way to get this done is by staying with the same bank. Your mom won’t be able to touch your new account, even if you’re at the same institution.
I always had this issue with my parents. It is so hard to deal with. If you can get an unlinked bank account.
Own bank account at a different bank
Why does she have access to your bank account? You’re an adult. Open up your own account that she cannot access or withdraw money from. Your finances are not her business, and she shouldn’t have access to your account in the first place.
Open up your own account, and give the details to your employer so that you can be paid into that account. That way, your money is safe.
Move out. Live on your own. You’ll either become self sufficient or prove your mother right. At 18 the ball is in your court.
You’ll never see that money again. Open your own account and stop putting any money into the joint or linked accounts.
My friends parents would do the same thing. He would work, they take it all or give him something of his pay check. They would make up excuses as to what they were using it for. They would tell him they are saving it up for him or w.e but that was a lie.
Eventually he just got his own account, sent the mail to a p.o box he made for him self. Put 60% of it away, show them the rest and eventually moved out and away far away.
Thanks to everyone for the advice! I’ll do my best to enact all the advice everyone has given m!
She probably shouldn’t be doing that but hopefully she is investing it for you in an index fund. If she is you are going to thank her when you retire and have a few million waiting for you. If you invest even $100 a month into a Roth IRA now you will be set for life.
Go to different or even the same bank, open a new account. If your paycheck is auto deposit then go to your manager for a request to change the deposit process and do that paperwork, this can take a bit to have done.
Be prepared to get kicked out, so have a place to land.
Secure all your papers, such as social security cards, birth certificate etc.
Lock down your credit in case you mom is psycho and will mess up your credit.
I hope you have another adult that will help you thru all of that that you can trust.
Look all you need to do is get a new account and then this stops the problem and your mother can pay her own bills.
OP….. you’re an adult now, which means you can legally have your own account. Get your own account. Withdraw the money in your current account and deposit into your new account. Your mother has nothing to do with that. She sounds like the type who will kick you out or threaten to if you don’t pay or repay her. Get out. I do t care if it’s crashing on a friends couch. You deserve to have a life and your mom is not entitled to live it for or through you.
If you run into problems getting your own bank account,inthe meantime you can ask your job to hand you checks (not mailed if you live with your mom).
If you live with your mom, separate finances, and if she wants rent and utility money, put an agreement on paper for when its due and how much. Be clear that anything aside from that you will be in charge of spending or saving how you want. But separate, unlinked accounts is a must. You can still give her money for rent if she wants without linked accounts.
Smart thing to do is route 50$ to the acc your mom ass access to the rest to you new acc lol.
Your mom asks anything… tell her it’s always been like that.. wdym???
As everyone is saying, get your own account. You can walk into any bank today and have it set up in an hour. Secondly, if your checks are direct deposit, talk to your job and have them give you a hard or manual check until you can transfer your direct deposit to your own bank account.
Take her off your account….
Unlink them . Go to your bank. Get your own acct without mom. But pay what you owe. Sorry y’all are struggling
Do you not realize that you are an official adult and can open your own account and manage your own money? Also, maybe you need to reevaluate your goals. If you are spending all your money to ‘travel back and forth to see friends and stuff’, what is your end goal? Are you in college where you live? Maybe you need to just move back, get a job there, and move forward with NO travel expenses and ‘stuff’? It is hard to adult and your mom is certainly not helping, but you also, need to think about what you really want out of life beyond traveling to visit friends, and work toward those goals to be financially independent.
Your first job? So who has been paying for all your travel? Just to see friends and stuff?
You are 18. Unlink your accounts. Go one better and set up new accounts. Once done, tell her she is not taking over 90% of your savings. But….if she is so desperate that she steals your money, who pays for housing, good etc? Who is going to find college?
Go to a different bank, open up a new account in your name only. Sign up for direct deposit of your paycheck to be delivered to it. Then, either take your share of the money in the linked account with your mom & put it into your private account. Also signup for your statements to be paperless.
You don’t even need to close the shared account. Just stop putting money in it.
Anyone who is over 25 and has their parent on their account needs to wise up and go to the bank today.
My late MIL was on my spouse’s bank account to where he was in danger of losing half of it to it being presumed to be half hers and an asset to draw down if the parent wound up in a nursing home.
Get your own account
If you have any money in your old account, take it out.
If you live with your mum tell her you will pay her a small portion of your pay for rent/board.
Work hard, save hard and move out.
The end 🙏🏼
Everyone here seems to say to get your own bank account. I agree with that. However, do you live in her house? Do you eat food that she buys? Do you enjoy heating and air conditioning that is provided by her? My point is that all of this cost money and you are now legally an adult so you need to step up and be an adult. Nothing is free. When I was your age I got a job and lived with my parents. I payed them for room and board. That was their rule but it was fair. Examine your whole situation and then decide if your mom is justified for taking your money. Just be fair about it. Adulting can be hard. Suck it up.
I agree with everyone here! Get your own account! Also have a checking and savings account and if you can tell your job that you want to do direct deposit so that even if you move you can get your money from your job without having to worry about your check going missing if it’s a paper one.
And that is really wrong. As a parent that does not give her rights to Willy nilly use your money or your savings of money. Stop letting her access your $. and what’s left of your savings move that altogether into your new account. You are 18 and your mother decided to be a parent, you still at the age of 18 don’t owe her a dime. Then when you stack enough get you a good place that’s not too bad and move out. Is it a possibility to live on campus as a freshman?