I (29F) gave birth 5 days ago.
My husband (30M) and I have been together for 6 years. We have our place, we have an stable dual income, we have traveled and have a lot of fun as a childless couple, so a year ago we decided to start a family.
I read a lot to be very informed on how we wanted to raise this kid, we went to prenantal classes.
I have materny leave and my husband have paterny leave and he also merged it with his annual leave. We hired someone to help with cleaning a couple of hours.
We planned a vaginal delivery, but due to complications I ended having an emergency c-section. Baby is perfectly fine ♥️ but I needed a blood transfussion.
So here comes the problem. When I first hold my son I felt panic. I was overwalmed. Scared. No matter how much preparation we put into this I was scared thinking how we are going to take care of a whole human being.
Luckily my family and my inlaws where there all the time, they helped with the baby a lot. My mom and MIL were great help, I felt a little bit more safe seeing people helping us.
So yesterdar I was about to get discharged when my mom looked at my husband and told me we didn’t need to go home so fast, why stay with them for a few days until I was stronger. My husband and I talked about it and agree I would be better, maybe.
So we went to my parents house, my mom told me to rest in her bedroom for a while. Plan was me to stay in one of my brothers room. This wasn’t a problem because they were already fighting which one of them should lend me their room (they both wanted)
My husband left to our home to pick up thinks we needed. When I noticed my mom seemed to be in a bad mood, everytime she entered the room she would put an ugly face. She was moving stuff around the house so hard and we all could listen. Then she entered the room took the stuff I bring from the hospital and took them out of the room. Then entered again and told me I needed to move (from the bed) because she was going to take a nap. I was confused. Where was I supossed to go stay? My brother asked her which room she though was better suited for us and she replied “do whatever you want to I don’t want to hear any noise, no moving forniture, no crying, nothing. I want to sleep”
So all the passive agressive shit was becsuse she wanted me out of the house. I felt like crying. Then she said ” ‘my name’ darling I put your stuff next to front door”. It broked me she really didn’t wanted us here. How horrible. We werent welcome here at all. Worst part was there was no need for any of this. I was ready to go to my home. But hornomes got the best of me and make me believe I would be better here, with more bigger village than just my husband and I.
I asked my dad to take me to my home. He saw distressed I was, ugly crying, holding my baby tight and kissing him. He was furious as well as my brothers. They begged me to stay but all I wanted was to be in my own home.
This isn’t the first time my mom put she pull shit like this. She was kinda trying to own my in laws by how suportive of a grandma she is.
Thats what my brother and I are to her, a play when she is an amazing caring mother in front of other. I should have know better but I was so vulnerable I believed her.
I talked to my dad, who are beyong embarasment, apologizing a lot, told me she didn’t belived my mom would do something so cruel. My brothers told me they are ready to help however and whenever I need.
My mom told me I was over exaggerating becuase she never told me “to get out off the house” as alwayd I’m an attention seeker.
Comments
I wouldn’t be back to that house soon.
Go no contact with mommy dearest, what a horrible person she is.
Raise your child near people that are caring and kind, don’t let her see them ever again.
Congratulations on the birth of your son! Sorry that your mother is a freaking jerk.
Go snuggle with your baby and husband at home. Your mom has a serious problem in her head and character. Keep her away.
Sounds like a narcissist? But I’m no psychologist. You say this isn’t really unusual behaviour from her, and I’m really sorry for what you’ve been through. Congratulations on the baby, I hope you’re somewhere safe and feeling better 💜
There are subreddits for dealing with people like your mom (and specifically parents). She sounds like a narcissist.
I don’t know if I can link them here, but feel free to ask in a DM. It really helps to get some better understanding and find people who know exactly what you’re going through.
But most of all, congratulations on being a new mom! The first days/weeks can be so scary, I was terrified and overwhelmed as well back then. Please please focus on yourself and your little family and don’t give that nasty woman any more space in your life and mind than you need to! It will get better ❤️
Hire a baby nurse or ask the hospital you delivered at to see if they have a program for young mothers. Mine did because my mother had left when I was young so I had no help at all with my first including the father moved to another city so I was truly alone. I was able to return to the hospital for help with nursing and all other stuff to help with babies for nothing. No cost to me. They helped me nurse her and change the diaper. And how to basically care for my baby plus the labor and NICU nurses gave me their numbers to call with any questions. I used their help for almost 2 months and things settled down for me. I understand how frightening it is. There is help you need to find it locally. Start with the hospital ask for a social worker or the delivery nurses and tell them the help you need they can point you in the right direction.
She sounds like my mother. Everytime she ever did anything nice, it would only last a short time or she’d start an argument so she call me names and how selfish I am.
She’d post on Facebook how much she loves my son and I but the truth is, I had to beg her for help with my son (my son is autistic)
I have went no contact since last August and I feel so much better for it.
Do not let anyone treat you that way. Ever..even if its a family member.
Somebody that loves and cherishes you would never treat you that way.
It sounds like you have a good support system with your brothers inlaws etc. Take help when you need it and take the time to heal. Good luck to you and congratulations mama
I agree go no contact I have a narcissist mom who would pull the same shit. They seriously get off and that power. I’m sorry this happened to you and congratulations on your baby- she also is probably jealous because you’re getting positive attention please don’t Internalize it at all, I know it’s hard 🩷
[deleted]
I’m so glad your brothers and dad made it clear they were not on mom’s side with things. I’m so sorry for the stress. Good luck to your new little family.
Congratulations on your baby! Enjoy those newborn days, you deserve it after everything you’ve been through. ❤️
P.s. Put your mom on a time out. She acted absolutely horrendously towards you during an extremely vulnerable time.
You mom sounds awful. Regardless, now you get to put on your big girl pants, go home with your baby, take control of your own family dynamics. Reach out to your husband and brothers for support. But, reach into yourself to be the effective parent you need to be to your child.
Go LC or NC with your mom. You know how she is, so stop going to that well for nourishment. Just stop. It’s your responsibility to end this cycle of passive aggressive nonsense. Just stop engaging with her. Stop trying to make it right. Just stop.
When anyone asks, just say she provides nothing but drama and disappointment. Then move on to more constructive ways of communication.
Protect your child from this woman. She is going to play him and hurt him too.
Take it on the positive side. It will do you good to face motherhood at once. Your husband is willing to help you and if you get along with your mother-in-law, accept her help, she will love it!
The problem with asking relatives for help is that they give themselves the right to demand things in return or be the one leading the whole thing. Then the sour mayonnaise.
It’s not difficult, even cows can do it🤣, do everything calmly. Not knowing is no sin. Ask and ask for help. Your husband is near, work together. Everything will be fine, OP.
Congratulations on the baby and all the best to you and your beautiful family.