I (21f) feel like I have no one to go to. I got dumped at the end of may. It was messy. He texted me right after he dumped me saying he felt like he was gonna regret doing it. About two weeks later we trade stuff and he kisses me and asks me if he can come over. I find out he’s already following new girls on insta. I told him I was over it and he sent me flowers saying he wants to be a better man for me and says he’s willing to be alone to work on himself for me essentially. Two weeks later he’s already posting another girl. It just sucks so bad. My mom passed from ALS while we were together. He was the last one my mom got to meet and I loved his family so much too. After I found out he posted another girl I called him and told him I hated him. I just feel things so hard and I feel like I’m grieving two things, I haven’t been alone like this since my mom passed and ontop of whatever that was I’m trying to process. I want to be alone- I need to be alone, but the thought of dating apps keep crossing my mind, how to I get the thought of distracting myself with other guys out of my head? I miss being able to just cry about all of this to my mom. I feel like I’m less of a person and I just feel so low. It sucks cause he’s capable of living a different life. I feel like I have a hole in my body that’s never gonna be filled and he doesn’t have that- he’s fine.
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Backup of the post’s body: I (21f) feel like I have no one to go to. I got dumped at the end of may. It was messy. He texted me right after he dumped me saying he felt like he was gonna regret doing it. About two weeks later we trade stuff and he kisses me and asks me if he can come over. I find out he’s already following new girls on insta. I told him I was over it and he sent me flowers saying he wants to be a better man for me and says he’s willing to be alone to work on himself for me essentially. Two weeks later he’s already posting another girl. It just sucks so bad. My mom passed from ALS while we were together. He was the last one my mom got to meet and I loved his family so much too. After I found out he posted another girl I called him and told him I hated him. I just feel things so hard and I feel like I’m grieving two things, I haven’t been alone like this since my mom passed and ontop of whatever that was I’m trying to process. I want to be alone- I need to be alone, but the thought of dating apps keep crossing my mind, how to I get the thought of distracting myself with other guys out of my head? I miss being able to just cry about all of this to my mom. I feel like I’m less of a person and I just feel so low. It sucks cause he’s capable of living a different life. I feel like I have a hole in my body that’s never gonna be filled and he doesn’t have that- he’s fine.
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I know you don’t know me, but if you need to talk to someone I’m here to listen. I’ve been through rough times as well, and you shouldn’t have to go through this alone.
I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. Losing a parent at a young age is not easy, and you are definitely not alone in how you feel. I know the being dumped situation is just adding salt to the wound right now too. It sounds like your intuition is already telling you that you need to focus on healing right now. If you can, I’d look into getting some extra support from a grief counselor or therapist who can be a really good sounding board to vent to and cry to. It sounds like you really just need someone who you can talk to about all of it and therapy is such a useful tool. Also, you don’t mention it, but do you have a good group of friends who you can lean on? I would really focus your energy on spending time with them too. And don’t forget self care and spending time with yourself doing things you like. Find some hobbies, learn something new. Pour in to yourself and focus on you as much as possible right now. I promise in a few years the boy will be a distant memory and the sting of losing your mom will be a little less prominent. You will learn that you will always carry your grief around but that you will have learned to live a good life alongside it.
This situation is very hard I’m sure. Do you have girlfriends or other family that you can talk to? Perhaps join an organization with people that have similar interests or try volunteer work.
Heartbreak is like that, OP. I’m not your mom, but I am A MOM of adult daughters close to your age. Here’s the deal: that was your first heartbreak, but likely won’t be your last. And you’re going to break some hearts too along the way. It feels so all encompassing in the moment, but I promise you that it fades until he’s just a distant memory. These experiences make you stronger and wiser. You will see when you meet new people, who treat you like you deserve to be treated, that this boy was not your person. He just got off on making you feel some kind of way. Your person is out there, and you have PLENTY OF TIME to find him. You won’t, though, while you’re still hung up on the last guy. You have some grieving to do – for your mother and your relationship. Grieve them, especially your mom. Maybe some therapy will help, because grief is so complex, but that’s up to you. You will be stronger and wiser tomorrow and more so the day after that. Keep putting one foot in front of the other, OP. You got this. And I’m so sorry about the loss of your mother. 🩷
Hi hon. I’m so so sorry you’re going through this.
I promise you that you’ll get through this.
Your mom is always there with you. She’s always guiding you. I bet she’d be so proud of you for standing up for yourself. For having self respect and dumping this guy even when you’re feeling so low. She raised you well and you’re gonna be okay.
Please take care of yourself.
I’m so sorry for your loss(es). Those are two major life changing events, so it’s not surprising you feel the way you do. My mom passed away 4 years ago and I still miss her a lot, especially when I’m sad. Like you said, there is nothing like crying to your mom – the person who loves you unconditionally always. Taking time for yourself to process everything right now might be best for you. But I wonder if a distraction would be so bad? Maybe it’s better than isolating, just to get your mind off of things for a bit? Only you know what is best for you of course. I know when I get down I tend to isolate for too long, so just do what you think is right. But I know this – I’m older than you. You won’t always feel this way. In fact, you will find yourself really happy one day (hopefully not too far off) and these feelings will be a thing of the past. You have lots of sunshine ahead of you. And that’s how your mom wants it. Sending virtual hugs…
I am so sorry about your mother’s passing. That’s hard.
I was the same age when my mom passed unexpectedly. I had just gotten dumped but I was still talking with his family. When my mom passed I called them and then he showed up and we started back seeing each other. When I decided I’m done with him, I found out I was pregnant. She knows who her family is but she barely knows her father. She’s now an adult and has never had a relationship with him. I say all of that to say don’t let the fact that he’s the last guy you ever introduced to your mom get into your head. He’s not good for you and you should leave before and babies come into the picture.
Losing your mom is always going to feel like shit, there will be good days in between the bad ones, and those bad ones are going to hit hard. You have to find a way to not end up like me with this messing up your whole future. Try some therapy, a hobby, college was my favorite thing that helped me feel good about myself. What you’re feeling is not unusual but your mom and that toxic relationship don’t need to be grouped together. If your mom were still here, she’d want better for you. It’s going to be so hard to put through the other side or your grief but in time you will. I wish you all the best
I’m so, so sorry for your loss. I was 22 when I lost my father and the heartache felt like more than I could bear. Over 2 decades have passed and I still miss him.
Please block this person everywhere. He’s toxic and abusive and keeping him in your life will not help you. Lean into any family or friends, as well as look into counseling to help you through this time. Grief is not easy and can be so overwhelming, especially for someone younger.
One thing I was able to recognize with grief counseling that I had not consciously considered was that I wasn’t just grieving the past and the memories. I was also grieving the future. I was having to process all the things that I thought we would have that would never be – never getting to see my dad meet my children, never getting to watch my dad show them all his favorite things and be the hands on grandfather I know he would have been, not having him there when I graduated college, not getting to watch him enjoy his retirement, etc. Naming and recognizing those things made it possible to process those feelings. They have a place and they’re important but they don’t have to be a weight that holds you down. Counseling can be a huge help in that process.
I hate that anyone has to lose their parent at your age. It’s hard and traumatizing and my heart goes out to you. Please, please cut this male from your life and step forward with goals to care for yourself the way you deserve. Much love and hugs to you.
Updateme
Read a book. Whenever my life is in shambles, I read. Or play my switch. But reading will help.
Possibly therapy or grief counseling if you can.
I’m so sorry about your Mom. I’m in my 60’s and lost my Mom almost 20 years ago. It’s painful and life changing. You are grieving. Not only the loss of your Mom, but also the loss of the life you thought you would have. (That last part was from Fraiser) But it does, and will, get easier. Your grief will subside. It will not always be this hard. Let yourself grieve, and take as long as you need. If you feel like it’s too much, there are numbers you can call, support meetings you can attend, or jus come back here. We will listen.
As for your dick of an ex, he did you a favor. Better to find out now that he’s a complete tool and will never have your back, then to let him use your grief to isolate and mistreat you. Knock him out of your life and your thoughts. Hang in there Friend.