When I was 16 I kept a diary. It wasn’t just a hobby, it was literally the only place I could put my feelings. I wrote everything in there , the stuff I couldn’t say out loud, the things I was ashamed of, the secrets I thought I’d take to my grave.
Back then I had a boyfriend. Different religion, super strict brown mom, you get the picture. I only ever met him twice but in my diary I wrote about sneaking out, lying to her, and yeah… the physical side of things too. At the same time I had horrible exams going on and I was popping high doses of pills just to stay awake. I was half out of my mind, honestly.
Then one night my mom just looked at me and said, “I know everything.” I panicked. She cried, I cried. She told me I had apparently confessed everything to her in my sleep. And because I was so exhausted and wired on pills, I actually believed her. For years.
For years I thought I was the one who betrayed myself. That I had betrayed her too. I carried that guilt like a stone in my chest.
And today… I found out the truth. I was looking through her Google Photos and I saw pictures of my diary pages. She had gone through my most private space, photographed them, and then lied straight to my face.
And the worst part? Ever since then I’ve been too scared to journal again. The one place I thought was mine, gone. Stolen. Violated.
I don’t even know how to feel. Betrayed? Angry? Guilty? All of it at once. I feel like she betrayed me, but at the same time like I betrayed her too. And I don’t know how to untangle that.
Should I confront her after all these years? Or just… live with it?
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You should confront her – you are owed an explanation and apology, at the very least. If you bury it, it will eat you from within.
My mom photocopied my diaries when I was 17. I’ve never really gotten over that betrayal and our relationship has never been great.
No advice, just know how much it hurts.
You should feel all of the above. Your Mom had no right to read your diary and lie to you about it. She had no right to take pictures. She completely betrayed your trust. It’s up to you if you want to confront her about what you found or not. What you described about what happened in your life at the age of 16 is (in my experience) normal for an American teenager. While your Mom would likely say that she did this out of concern for your well being, she is not one to be trusted. Keep your distance and your personal life away from her from now on.
I’m really sorry you’re going through this—it makes so much sense that you’d feel hurt, confused, and conflicted. What your mom did was a deep invasion of your privacy, and the fact that she hid it from you only added to that wound. Your feelings of betrayal are completely valid. Added to that, the fact that she allowed you to think that you had betrayed yourself, obviously made this even more distressing.
It also sounds like you’ve been carrying a heavy burden of guilt for years that never should have been yours to carry. None of this was your fault—you trusted your diary, and your mom broke that trust.
As for confronting her, only you can decide if that would help or if it would reopen the hurt. Sometimes speaking up can bring closure, but sometimes protecting your peace is more important. You don’t have to rush that decision, and you don’t owe her anything. What matters most is taking care of yourself and finding safe ways to reclaim your voice—whether that’s journaling again (maybe somewhere more secure), talking with someone you trust, or just giving yourself space to feel and heal.
You deserved safety and privacy then, and you still do now.
Id not bring it up. Id just focus on a good life and try to accept your mother is a flawed adult amount other flawed adults. I was in my 30s before I realized both my parents were not very intelligent. Had simple easy to solve problems. Gave really bad advice and made poor decisions. I had to give up on who I thought they were.
Let it go, once you have kids you will understand. That might’ve been your moms only way to REALLY know what was going on in your teenage brain
You know what u should just chop that up and put it past you. U were 16 at the time u lived in your mom’s house yes or u had ur own place. Either way I say why confront her about something that she did that she probably stumbled on cleaning ur room to begin with. Now if u had this journal in ur own property its a different story, if u know what I mean.
Not sure the thing your mom did wrong was read your diary. Hear me out.
You have a kid acting erratically, wired on pills, and not sleeping. What wouldn’t you do to try to help them, especially if you think they might be contemplating a permanent solution to temporary problems?
She may have done some things wrong leading up to that event, in that you felt you couldn’t talk to her in the first place. She may have done some things wrong with that information once she had it, we don’t know because you didn’t say. Also, what was her motivation? You’ve given us no reason to think her motivation was malicious…was she worried about you and trying to help in her way? Did she end up doing anything malicious?
We often don’t understand that, just as we have inner lives, so does everyone else. We get that about our peers and strangers, but when it comes to parents and authority figures, we ignore that.
I’m sure there are kids out there whose parents read their diaries and prevented them from doing something they would have badly regretted, something they may have ended up avoiding without even realizing they were on that path due to the intervention. Is that you? Or did you mom violate your trust for bad reasons and end up not helping?
No one on the internet knows you or your situation. It could be she was just all wrong, but it could also be exactly what you needed and you’re just not recognizing that and focusing only on this other narrative for whatever reason. Don’t waste your time trying to convince us either way, just think about it from some different angles and ask yourself how confident are you in each possibility?
Someday you may have a child. Someday they might act in a way that is stressing you out to the point you can’t operate or think straight because of what might happen to them. What will you do?
Once I realised my privacy was being violated I invented an alphabet code so she couldn’t read my diary even if she found it again.
Call her out on her lies.
I am very sorry that your mom betrayed you in such a way. Parents do things like that are not helping the situation, but they are making a bigger problem. and then they wonder why their kids are not truthful with them or don’t wanna have anything to do with them.
The fact that she would violate your trust instead of raise you and have a climate of open honesty belies an upbringing of coercion and control. I’m very sorry for that for you.
My stepdad went thru my writings at the same age and it also killed my writing.
So I get it. I know everyone revs therapy. And it’s expensive. But maybe it could be good for you if you can find the right one
sorry to hear that your privacy was violated. i would ask her kindly to remove it on google/social media. knowing that she might not. seek google’s help to take post down?
go on google and clean anything as much as you can off the internet, b/c it can affect your future employment. if you are retired, it wouldn’t impact you as much.
remember, control what you can control. and learn to let go of things that you can’t control.
peace,
definitely confront her, it’s very wrong for someone to violate your privacy like that. your mom especially your mom should have known and respected that but she didn’t and if you don’t communicate how you’re feeling about this situation you’ll only start to resent her more.
Children only lie to parents they can’t trust- you obviously didn’t trust her then and can’t trust her now!
Confront her. Not because she’ll show remourse or take accountability, but because you deserve to tell her how you feel about it.
Take back your power. Take back your Journaling. She’s done enough damage, don’t let her ruin something so special to you because she wasn’t a good enough person to respect your privacy the way you deserved.
She didn’t know how to help without making something up. It was wrong but she was trying. Moms don’t always get it right. Can you imagine watching your daughter spiral and having no idea how to help? Yep, search the bedroom is normal. So is reading what you find. So is trying to help however you can.
She lied. She wasn’t wrong in seeking information on what was going on with a teenager who refused to or was unable to share.
Be gracious. Let her know that you know. Tell her you’re hurt but keep your outrage out of the conversation. Ask her what she thought could’ve been done differently so you don’t make the same mistake if you have kids.
Thank her for trying to help the only way she knew how. Tell her you appreciate how much she cared and you can see how hard raising you must have been.
You didn’t betray her. You were a kid. That’s what kids do – none of us perfectly obeyed our parents! Please release your guilt and any shame you might feel over what she read. Your mother is the one who should feel shame for betraying your trust.
I think going to a few therapy sessions would be a good idea for you before you confront her. You need to feel confident that you did nothing wrong. She did.
I stopped Journaling for the same reason. That was nearly 30 years ago.
My mom did the same thing to me when I was a teen, but she confronted me with what I wrote (song lyrics). She also lied saying she found it while cleaning my room, but 1. She never cleaned my room and 2. it was hidden in the bottom of a bottom drawer, under other books & notebooks (so not a place to clean). I’m 38 now and never got over that betrayal and invasion of privacy. I own my home and have a dog that I sometimes have to ask her to come feed when I’m out of town. She has taken pics & sent them to me asking what things are in my house for, so she still snoops whenever she is able. I don’t trust her with my privacy in ANY way. Also stopped journaling after that, which is terribly sad because I love to write.
Since getting a smart phone in college, the only place I write anymore is in my notes or pages app. It’s like the betrayal fucked up our ability to feel safe enough to vent, feel catharsis from writing, document our own thoughts/feelings/lives, or be creative with words. I always wondered how far I would’ve gone with my writing had that not happened. I know that it forever changed my relationship with her. May be unrelated or helpful, but I’ve noticed that talking with ChatGPT seems to help my mental processing about trauma regarding family and has improved my digital writing processes.
Make up your own cypher and write in that. Had an ex that wrote a diary and I wasn’t interested enough to crack her code.
Never write anything that you don’t want people to read…especially by worried parents. In answering your question, context is important. Did she look because she was worried or because she thought it was in your best interest, or was it out of control and manipulation?
Either way, parenting is hard, and sometimes parents have reasons for doing such things, even though objectively they are inappropriate.
It sounds like she could tell you needed help and you weren’t going to tell her what was going on. Sometimes parents have to do things that might hurt your feelings to protect you
Amazing, I can relate to this so much. My Momster decided to clean out my drawers one day when I was 16 and at school. She never did that before, always told me my space was my space. Found my diary, with confessions and all, and my parents slut shamed me the second I got home. I wanted to die.
I am 57 and I still cannot write something personal down anywhere unless in my mind I imagine the whole world reading it.
I never confronted her. She didn’t care.
I’m so sorry you’ve experienced this. I have to play devils advocate for a bit. I’m a mom to a 10yr old girl. She is struggling emotionally and I am worried about her. I know this isn’t right, but if I believed I could save or protect my child, I would probably read it too. I know it is wrong. I know it’s a violation. I know it could and would hurt her. But if I were in your mom’s shoes, suspecting you were doing pills or were mentally unwell, I probably would have done the same and justified it for your own protection. I don’t like that she lied about it and let you be mad at yourself instead of mad at her, but I do understand why she did it.
I am thankful that you are sharing the profound impact this had on you, and I will try my hardest to not betray my children in this way.
Life is fleeting, and you were so young when this happened. Let your mom know how hurt you are, but try your best to put it behind you. My mom passed 4years ago and I let a million different things drive a wedge between us. I miss her and in hindsight, there was a lot we both could have let go.
What did she do with what she read? Did she help you to improve by knowing?
I’m so sorry you went through that.
This happened to me when I was 13.she blurted out some of the things in it and I haven’t had a diary ever since.
You can let her know that you know and how it made u feel
Talk to her.
Also, there are some great journaling apps and programs that are pretty secure. If you prefer to physically write it out like I do, I kept mine in a lock box after we moved houses. Before then? My bed was pretty close to the wall. I shared a room with my sister. Our bed frames had drawers on the bottom. So the wall side couldn’t be opened all the way and I took advantage of my tiny arms by securing under the frame towards the back of the drawer.
I hid my lockbox too.
My mom wasn’t a snooper unless if we were acting very off and wouldn’t talk. Even then, she preferred to try to get it out of us just by talking.
I think the pills and lack of sleep probably had you acting more off than you realize. Maybe like a med included mania from the things you said you wrote about. Non bipolar people get med induced manias from uppers a lot. Many people won’t call it what it is bc the association with bipolar. You make dumb decisions and either don’t consider or appreciate consequences if you are flying high enough. I’m bipolar. I’ve had my share of normal and med induced.
What she did was wrong. But she probably did it got good reasons. She probably went snooping bc of the way you were acting and didn’t want to betray your trust so lied about how she knew. Good intentions, horrible execution.
Talk to her about it. Let her know that it still did hurt your trust. That it took a safe outlet from you. Acknowledge that you were making mistakes. Who doesn’t at 16. It’s a weird age. Our brains aren’t kid brains and not adult brains either. We are trapped in between. And we try things. We experiment. We make mistakes. If we are lucky, we learn from them, and they don’t screw up our lives.
Know that she probably did this out of love and concern. Again, the right reasons, but the wrong execution. I think you two can probably at least come to see the other’s side. Sometimes understanding the other side, even if you don’t agree with it, allows the healing to begin.
That’s an invasion of your privacy. I have two grown daughters and I never, ever read or snooped into what was not my business. However if I had thought my daughter was doing drugs or in real trouble I would have tried my best to talk with her but If she was being self destructive and hiding it, I have to admit I might have snooped out of concern. I don’t know for sure what I would have done. But I would have told them if I did. I wouldn’t ever lie to them about it. I’m so sorry you’ve lost trust in your own mom. That’s heart breaking for you.
I used to keep journals as a kid, and learned how to hide them when I was a teen. I stopped writing for years because my mom made a joke: “What mom doesn’t read their kids’ diaries?”
Kids who trust their parents.
My sister read my diary when I was 11 and teased me relentlessly about having a crush on a boy. Of course a couple other siblings joined in. Being a fat kid at the time, I knew I was unattractive and nothing would come of the crush, so it was doubly painful.
I have never since written anything about my feelings. I have some writing talent, but never went further into it than a horror story or two. Writing often involves feelings and I don’t trust them to be shared. I also don’t like to trust expressing vulnerability IRL either. Things leave scars.
My mom called me at school and acted like she was dying so I rushed home from school panicked to find her reading my diary aloud to our family, mocking me and then I was subsequently punished for its contents that discussed how much I disliked my mother lol. I also could not journal again after that and that was ten years ago. It still hurts. Not sure what good could come of confronting her though unless your mom is the type to apologize. Mine isn’t
You were a child. You made choices that you might not make as an adult, but that is because you were a child and your brain was still forming. You have nothing to be ashamed of, but your mother should be ashamed of herself. She was an adult who violated sacred space, took pictures, and lied to you. You were a child—forgive yourself and try to love yourself. ♥️
If you still have access to the google photos- delete those photos, then delete them from trash.
Then you should tell her that she violated your trust by reading your diary and that trust can never fully be rebuilt. You’re now questioning every single time she’s said you can trust her since you were a kid. You hope whatever she found was worth it.
Confront about what….what’s the big deal it’s been years ago
Do something equally violating, then let her know why
Confront her but also hide your browser history first
I’ve had my sister’s violate my privacy this way. I came in the house and like energetic half grown kids do, I took the stairs two at a time. The staircase was a curved one so they didn’t see me and there was my older sister and my younger sister sitting on the top step reading my diary. It’s funny but I can’t even recall what my response was. I think I just shrugged to pretend it was no big deal. In my family people knowing your feelings was not safe.
I did damage control though. I shared a room with my older sister. And I felt violated that they found out who I had a crush on this way. So I let a little time pass and then one night I pretended that I was asleep. I pretended that I was talking in my sleep. Then I began to softly call out the name John. John…oh John , please John. The ruse worked! My sisters began to furiously try to find out who John was. I continued my unrequited crush on who I saw as the best looking, smartest, most talented guy in my class!
Had my mother done this I have no idea how I would have responded. It’s one thing for your idiot sibs to do it but for a mother to violate your privacy this way would just feel like a massive betrayal. And then to lie about it…smh.
OP is your mother still alive? We’re me I think the next time I saw her I would say, “hey Mom, I know everything!” Then I would make sure that payback was a bitch!
Im so sorry. My husband read mine, and the betrayal of trust caused us to divorce.
First, delete the photos. I’d go no contact, honestly, but I don’t speak to my mother because of things she’s done.
It’s not just the fact that she read it, it’s that she lied and let you carry that guilt for years. That’s the part that stings the most. You don’t owe her a confrontation. You don’t need to re-open that wound if it’s just going to cause more pain. But if carrying this secret around feels heavier than speaking it out loud, then maybe telling her what you know could be freeing. Not for her but for you.
as an older sister, i can understand both sides—the parent’s and the child’s.
how has your relationship with your mom been ever since this incident? better or worse?
reading that diary must’ve hit her like a truck. just as how you must have felt guilty for lying to her, she must have felt guilty for not creating a safe space for you to confide in her, especially considering how she cried when she told you. but because she found out through such a way, she probably didn’t know how to say it without being seen as a bad person.
you should tell her to get it off your chest. i’m sure it would lift the weight on your mom’s chest too.
Being a parent is hard. Give her some grace. Loves makes everyone do things that are wrong sometimes, no matter the age.
Get over it
I honestly don’t think the root of the issue here is the diary. Even though it perhaps represents your feelings to your mother at this point in time. I feel like the events leading up to seeking an outlet in the pills may have been the more damaging part in your relationship. With the diary seeming here like the straw that broke the camel’s back.
Grow tf up
There is no privacy under my got damn roof.
As a mom, if I were to see my child in obvious distress, and I didn’t feel they were being forthcoming about what was going on, I can see the urge to read it. I’m not saying it was right for her to do that, but my guess is she was worried about you and wanted to find a way to help.
If you feel that it would clear some things up if you confront her, I think that’s the right thing to do. When she said so many years ago that she knew everything, was she coming from a place of support? It sounds like, since you both were in tears, that she was.
Parents are human. They make mistakes. Their children are (hopefully) the most important people in their world and I know how helpless a parent can feel when they only want what’s best for their child.
I can’t tell you what will happen, but open communication is probably what you both need.
OK sweetie, here’s what you do first of all you tell her to delete them because that is an invasion of privacy. Second of all you confront her. Tell her you violated my trust you violated my most private thoughts and then you use it against me and you lied.
How am I supposed to have any type of relationship with you? I can’t trust you. How am I supposed to confide in you? You literally betrayed me and took away the one thing that kept me sane and was my most sacred secret place, and you made it all about you. Instead of asking me like a grown-up, you violated my privacy, betrayed me in the highest way and made me feel like I was crazy all for your peace of mind.
Never commit anything to writing you don’t want to come out. And yeah, parents are sometimes going to do stuff like that. And obviously if you were sneaking out you were violating their rules and trusts. You are not a victim here.
Is it normal for your mom to violate your boundaries? I can understand a parent snooping to protect their child, but this is really intrusive. I would at least want to know why she would do that.
My mom read mine at about 12 years old, over 40 years later I still can’t forgive her. After I found out she did that every day I wrote in it how much I hated her, just in case she read it again.
I never brought it back up to her, she would have just brushed it off and that would have just made me madder.
I am gonna be honest, brutally honest. Fuck your mom for going through your journal. My mom did that to me at 15(after I’d been S.A and she called me a LIAR to my face, but then later read my diary and her tune changed overnight. I wasn’t stupid i put it together that she had read my journal), I didn’t speak to her for a YEAR, and I still lived under her roof. I was livid she fucking violated my privacy because she couldn’t stand the fact that I wasn’t telling her everything. Moms like that… aren’t good moms, IMHO. Confront her ass. She deserves to be called out on her shit. You didn’t do anything wrong by keeping a journal. That’s your scared place to let everything out and know it’s kept safe and judgement free. She either owns up her to attempt at “being a good mom” and apologizes for violating your privacy and trust, or she’ll deny it until she’s blue in the face. What you do after that is entirely up to you my friend. Best of luck.
Not my mother but my sister*. I tried to kms and she unlocked my phone and read the messages between me and my friends to find out what happened. Nothing ever came of it and she admitted it to me when I was out of the hospital. Apparently she wanted to know what was wrong and knew I wouldn’t open up to her. Our relationship has never been strong and knowing that she did that solidified a distrust in her that will last a lifetime.
I understand wanting to find out what happened and confronting the person, especially if was able to concretely assess that he wasn’t a good person. TLDR he really wasn’t, he was sociopathic and extremely manipulative. So this just left a lingering feeling of disgust towards her.
And this was just my sister, I can only imagine how rough it must feel for this to happen from your own mother.
I am not fazed at all by your mother checking your diary, as much as I wouldn’t have liked it, wouldn’t have minded if my parents did that to me, but lying about it is the big kicker, not to mention photographing it, that’s horrible. I may be the minority here but I don’t mind parents intruding into privacy of their children if they believe things to be dire but they do have to voice these things because a parent should have to face who they are to their children, so I would confront her about it, and tell her you felt betrayed by this, even more so that she lied about it.
You feel you betrayed your mom, but she also betrayed you and wasn’t honest. I wouldn’t want to approach her with a “confrontational” attitude, just an honest and sincere one. Since she cried, too, she obviously has some emotions about it and talking it out may be very healing for both of you. Good luck. Keep your journaling under lock and key but KEEP journaling.
Probably shouldn’t have done that and obeyed her rules and respected her. Then you wouldn’t have this problem. Don’t do things your parents don’t allow until you’re an adult then it’s your fault and you face the consequences of being an adult
Two things can be true.
Your mom could have been doing her best to find out what was going on with her daughter – and a parents first job is to keep their kid alive. Substances, new relationships – these things have the potential to destroy lives and even kill. It was her job to find out, and it sounds like she either didn’t want to add to the embarrassment by acknowledging the intimate elements you had in your diary, or just didn’t know how to admit her own betrayal.
It is also true that that was a giant violation, damaged your trust and ruined something precious to you, and continuing the lie hurt you even more.
The hard part of life is figuring out how to reconcile both those things. You can be mad at someone you love. You can acknowledge you were wrong and still feel hurt that you were wronged, too.
It sounds like you love each other a lot. Go easy on yourselves and good luck.
Some mother’s couldn’t care less, at least yours cared. 🤷♂️
When you have children, and they start behaving in strange ways, indulge in risky behaviour like sneaking out.
Your first concern should be for their welfare.
You find that they are unable to communicate openly with you about what’s going on in their lives.
Maybe when cleaning you find a discarded pill blister pack for an amphetamine based diet pill.
You’ve noticed the journal, never looked in it, but you’ve never been this worried.
Most kids turn out OK, but some do end by fucking it all up.
What is going on in her life? Is she ok?
So you look, take some copies.
You see some risky behaviours, but you think, i can monitor this, and well see how it goes. You dont confront her, and create a whole crisis, but you monitor the situation, and quietly shed a tear for her innocence.
You’d better feel sick, she created an adult woman out of a lump of meat, spew, and shit. And look at how magnificent you are.
Go, now, give her some gratitude, some love, and some time.
Fucking kids.
I wish I’d learn to write in cipher. Modern problems require medieval solutions.
As a parent you are just winging it and trying to do what’s best for your child.
You didn’t say how old you are now, but she didn’t slander you. she was trying to get you to speak out.
You both cried trying to understand what you are going through.
When you become parent ans realize that the manual isn’t available, you’ll understand and most parent are winging by trying this and that.
She lied to you, you lied to her. Y’all even.
This is why I write in cursive in my second language in my journal. No one but me or a phd cryptographer would be able to read my cursive short hand and encrypted abbreviations.
Not only did she violate your privacy, she took photos of diary pages! Who may have had access to those pages? That is the unforgivable sin here, IMO.
I would confront her and ask her why she did that? A huge breach of trust! I would go LC with her and never share anything of importance with her again.
She saw her kid struggling and went to find out why. You were so out of it you didn’t even realize how she knew what happened. She intervened. It was her job. Find something else to be mad about…
You have every right to call her out. She invaded your most private and personal space. A journal is sacred space.
You may also want some time away from her as well. A strong boundary reset.
You have to move on. Do whatever it takes to get there. Counseling might help. And honest conversation with your mother might help. But you should not be the one feeling guilty about your parent betraying your basic trust that your diary is for your eyes only.
My dad read mine, my mom told me. I’ll be honest, I never wrote my very inner, deepest thoughts, because I really thought my sister would find it and read it. I did go a little deeper after she moved out.
I’m a grandmother and baby sitting my daughter baby I searched her drawers, forgot she had cameras, never saw anything but she saw me on security cam, my ex used parental alienation to target me and separated our children from me for ten plus years. I don’t really know why I did it, she confronted me and I apologized to her and my son in law and things are better, haven’t done it again, rewind a bit when my oldest son was 16 I read his computer and found out he was trying to kill himself, that time I wasn’t ashamed. I guess I can say it’s the intentions I had for each one made the difference. With my son I brought in a family friend to talk to him as I just divorced his dad. Both time I wanted to know what they were scared to tell me, I was being a crappy mom, I’m sorry your mom did that but some where in her heart she wants to protect you even though it was wrong!
Oh, everyone’s going to hate this. Live with it. She violated your privacy, sure. But she had plenty of really good reasons to do so. Do you think she didn’t notice you were wired on drugs, sneaking around, and lying to her? She needed a way to confront you and get you talking. If my teen is obviously hiding that much from me, I will read their diary, search their room, and anything else I feel is necessary. My first job is to keep my kids alive and as healthy and safe as possible. Everything else is secondary.
Your moth not only invade your privacy she lied to you about it. She could have told you & chose not to instead betraying you again by saying you told her in your sleep knowing you would believe her bc of your pill habit. That’s cruel & intentional. She likely felt angry & betrayed by things she read & this is her passive aggressive way to retaliate. That’s a messed up thing to do to anyone let alone your child.
My mom did this too me at 15 and confronted me. I stormed out, threw away the diary. It was my first and only encounter with total fury within myself, a huge epic fight with her. The next day she tried to gaslight me into believing that I had apologized to her in my sleep. That’s the day I learned to recognize manipulators. Meek liers with their guilting trips.
Many years later, she died alone and I did not care.
I did not love my mother because her “love” for me was sick and I knew it.
If I had know what I understand now, oh boy I would have risk death and tore her up.
I guess you’ve got every right to feel betrayed and angry, don’t guilt trip yourself over her actions. Your diary was your safe space and she violated that. Personally? I’d say confront her. Closure for yourself, if anything. You get to decide if this secret shapes you or shakes you. And maybe give journalling another shot, just maybe digital this time.
As a parent the shaming and lying is the worst part in this. That’s the betrayal. Otherwise, there are real concerns sometimes with kids/teens and it’s absolutely helpful at times for parents to occasionally spy on their kids secrets to monitor the situation. Taking pictures is also interesting – I don’t like that. If you were a danger to yourself or someone else, I can see taking the photos.
Hopefully she didn’t ever use your journal information against you. And hopefully, more good came out of this than bad.
Personally I think it’s ok to confront her in a controlled manner. Just don’t escalate the situation and lash out. Tell her you know she lied to you, that she betrayed your trust, and it hurts you and ask her to delete the journal photos on her computer. Also, do not expect your mother to react emotionally mature. I’m sure there will be some type of reaction that shows you a whole different side. As someone else mentioned, learn accept your parents are flawed.
My question is why take the photos to begin with and who did she show?
My ex husband read my journals. Then threw it in my face , things I’d done before meeting him. There’s a reason he’s my ex.
Was it any of her business?
I had something similar happen. I was about 19-20 years old and I was having a fight with my mom and she said something that I thought was weird. I realised she was repeating something from my journal. I was so stunned and embarrassed in the moment. Decades later, even living alone I hide my journals.
I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. It’s so painful and such a betrayal. And it’s narcissistic on their part.
I ask that you take a moment to realize that your mom may have seen a change in your behavior and been very concerned about your well-being. It’s absolutely terrifying being a parent, and it’s a parent’s job to keep their children safe…reading your diary was your mother’s way of trying to figure out if you were okay.
I’m not saying that your feelings aren’t valid; it’s a violation, and it hurts, especially if she didn’t tell you the truth, but I’m sure she didn’t want you to hate her and become more distant.
When you reach a certain age, you realize that your parents are human too, and they don’t always make the best choices. Please take a moment to try to see the intentions behind it, and I’m sure it was only to keep you safe.
Sit down and talk to her about it
Therapist here.
I just want to say—I feel your pain so deeply. My mom read mine too when I was younger, and I ended up throwing them away right after. At the time, I could not bear the violation. Now as an adult, I wish I had them just to see my younger self’s words again, but they’re gone. That loss runs deep.
What happened to you is a betrayal of trust. Journals are supposed to be sacred space—private, safe, yours. When that gets invaded, it makes sense that you would feel conflicted. Part of you knows your mom was the one who crossed the line, but another part of you has been carrying guilt as if you did something wrong. That’s not your fault. That’s what happens when someone flips the script and makes you believe you were the betrayer.
I hear the layers of grief, anger, and confusion in what you shared. It is valid to feel all of that. It also makes sense that journaling hasn’t felt safe since then—your nervous system learned that “private” wasn’t really private. Rebuilding that sense of safety will take time, but it is possible. Sometimes starting small—like writing on loose sheets you can keep with you, or keeping a password-protected digital journal—can help rebuild that trust in yourself.
As for confronting her now: that’s such a personal choice. Ask yourself—what would be the goal? To heal? To be understood? To set a boundary? Or just to finally have your truth spoken out loud? There isn’t a right or wrong answer. If you do decide to bring it up, you deserve to do it from a place of strength, not from the wound alone. And if you choose not to, that doesn’t mean you’re avoiding it; it might simply mean you’re protecting your peace.
Above all: please know you did nothing wrong by writing down your feelings, and you did nothing wrong by trusting that they were private. The violation is hers to carry, not yours. ❤️
Therapy if possible
I used to write everything I felt, everything that happened in my life, from the time I could write. Years later, my husband (at the time) read my diary. He then used my own words against me every chance he got. I never journaled again. That was 35 years ago.
You have every right to feel betrayed. I’m sure it feels like it just happened. I hope you are able to feel peace soon. 🤍
She did betray you, and broke your trust. I know what I would but …………
How was your behavior at that time? Did she have reason to worry, to be concerned about you? If so, your right to privacy is naught. Parents should give their children their private spaces except when their behavior sparks concern.
You were 16 and wired on pills. She did what she had to do to help you. I would thank her.
Your mom betrayed type trust. I had diaries, my mom as it turns out, read them too. Ok mine were innocent little girl diaries about boys rather than any relationships, didn’t have them. Was married still a virginity with no sexual activities. But I still felt betrayed by her
You were young and dumb. You made mistakes. Did your mom say why she read diaries? I think it’s a betrayal. She doesn’t give you a comfortable enough space to feel like being honest.
When you become a mom, make sure to give a safe space to your child. They might share with you instead.
Yikes. That’s a pretty big invasion of privacy – and a life-altering breach of trust.