I’m 24F. I have recently been diagnosed with PTSD. When I was 15 I started dating a boy that went to my high school. My mom started off by offering to text him (pretending to be me) on my phone when i had homework and couldn’t respond to him right away, but it escalated to her logging into my snapchat all the time and messaging him as me.
She would have me smile and hold up my hand like I took the pictures, but she would be writing the messages. I didn’t really like him, but she had this really strong emotional connection to him. She planned all the dates we went on, and she started assigning me things I had to do with him. It started slow (i had to hold his hand, put my head on his chest, etc) but eventually it became sexual. I never wanted to do it and I made that clear, but she would freak out and get mad / really sad. She’d threaten sometimes to hurt herself, and she’d stop eating. He always wanted to do the things she wanted me to do with him, and she would tell him over snapchat that I was going to. She’d check with me when she picked me up from his house. I didn’t feel like I could lie.
Eventually when I got to college I broke up with him, and she had a major freak out and texted me really mean and scary things. We didn’t see each other for almost 5 months. Eventually we kinda reconciled. My friends know and my sister kind of knows, but i can’t tell my family. It’s just a really weird and shitty situation. I don’t know how i’m going to overcome it.
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Go no contact. Your mother is mentally unwell and her behavior is extremely unhinged. This is NOT your secret to harbor. Don’t feel shame as you’ve done nothing wrong. I would not be surprised if she tried coming after you with the intent to hurt you. Her manipulative tactics will only escalate the more she “loses” control of you. Do yourself a favor and go far far away.
I’m so sorry you were subjected to this treatment. Seek therapy to process it. You’re worth more than shes capable of showing.
That’s definitely some abuse you absorbed there. You’ll have to find some way to burn it off.
I read through your account of what happened with your mother, and I want to say first and foremost – what you experienced was serious sexual abuse and coercion. This wasn’t just “weird” or “shitty” – it was criminal exploitation by the person who was supposed to protect you.
Your mother didn’t just violate boundaries – she systematically groomed you and used emotional manipulation (threats of self-harm, withholding food, emotional outbursts) to force you into sexual acts you didn’t want. She used a teenage boy as a proxy to sexually abuse you, which is particularly insidious because it creates confusion about who exactly was violating you.
The fact that you’re dealing with diagnosed PTSD reflects the severity of this trauma. Your brain correctly recognized this as a profound violation of safety and trust.
A few important points:
Working with a trauma-specialized therapist who understands complex family abuse will be essential for your healing. Standard therapy approaches sometimes miss the nuances of mother-daughter sexual abuse.
You mention not being able to tell your family – that’s understandable given the complexity. But please continue building your support network with trusted friends and professionals who can validate your experience and help you establish safety.
This is a long healing journey, but recognizing what happened and naming it accurately is an important first step that you’ve already taken.
I have read this story before.
Tell everyone. All of your family. Once there is no more secret, the pressure of the secret is gone. It’s freeing to get rid of the secret.