For context, me and my girlfriend of 7 months are both 14. She is my first girlfriend. I am also a generally good kid. We’ve hung out 1 time, it was at my house and only for a few hours and we were only allowed on the first floor.
Okay, so the week before we hung out I asked my parents if me and her could have a sleepover when we hung out, she said no and didn’t elaborate, a few days later, my dad brought it up asking if I understood why she couldn’t stay the night, he said it’s inappropriate.
We both escalated the situation into an argument involving me and both my parents.
During this, my mom kept bringing up us trying to have sex saying things like “do you know what high schoolers who are dating do at sleepovers? Have sex.” “Are you trying to have sex?” Etc. also she looked really worried. And I kept trying to tell her that was neither of our intentions.
I would maybe understand her argument if we were older, like 16 or 17, but 14??? Plus, I’m not even in Highschool yet, I am going into high school this year. I talked to my sister and my girlfriend about this, and they agreed she was being really weird
I forgot to mention I asked my mom after we hung out about the first floor only thing and she said it was going to stay like that
Tldr: I asked my mom if me and my girlfriend could have a sleepover and she keeps accusing me of trying to have sex at 14
Is there any way I could convince my mom to loosen up her rules or convince her I’m not trying to have sex?
Also sorry if this is way too long and has terrible grammar, it’s like 2 in the morning while I’m typing this
Comments
This sounds very fair. Your parents are also being very transparent with you. Im surprised the girlfriend’s parents are okay with a sleepover.
It is not unheard of for 14 year olds to have sex, or at least get to third base.
When you just want pizza and cartoons, but you’ve already been signed up as a porn actor.
Yeah I wouldn’t ve surprised if the age of kids having sex is 13 or 14 now I remember losing my virginity at 14 but good thing you have your parents around to at least tell you what is the problem.
I would just say we have been dating for 7 months and we haven’t had sex at all and see if you guys can have a sleep over at your house first
Obviously, you’re not typical kids, but most kids could not be trusted not to sleep over without sex being on the agenda. Try and understand your mom’s point of view. Having a child at 14 would be incredibly difficult.
Now you know what she did when she was your age.
You’re 14 yrs old, having a sleepover with your girlfriend is inappropriate and not for you, period, because fourteen year olds are known to have seggs too. it’s not shocking or anything.
Hangout in the day what’s wrong with that?
I had a pregnant 14 yo classmate when I was 14.
It’s actually more weird that your gf’s mom is ok with her sleeping over at your place. No, I would not allow my kids to do sleepovers at their gf/bf’s places.
Yesterday a 14 year old boy posted in this sub asking for advice because he was worried he got his 14 year old girlfriend pregnant.
So. 14 year olds do have sex. She is right to be worried. It’s not an unusual fear to have.
The rule at my parents house was “no dating until you are at least 16” and “no coed sleepovers”. So, again. Not weird.
dude you’re delusional. No parent on earth would let you have a sleepover w your 14 year old GF
I’m 21 now, but I was 13 when I first got with my then 12 year old girlfriend. She lived in France, and Iived in the UK. Naturally, in order to see each other we had to fly to see each other, meaning we stayed in the same house.
Whilst we were at my parents house they were very strict, no being in my room together alone, and only be appropriately affectionate (not too much kissing or cuddling etc). She would stay in a separate room overnight. At the time this drove a huge wedge between me and my mother and we argued quite a lot.
At her house, her parents didn’t care, and we slept in the same room, did whatever we wanted whenever we wanted. For some context I was also what many described as a really good kid. I was at the top of my classes, a bit shy but with absolutely 0 behavioural issues in general. My parents always say how easy I was.
Teachers loved me, my parents and extended family loved me, I was a bit of a “golden child”, which caused some issues for me later but that’s besides the point.
At 14 and 13 I stayed at hers for Christmas, and on Christmas day we had sex for the first time. I didn’t even have a particularly large sex drive, nor did she. But we were both curious, as anyone is at that age, I had remained adamant I would wait until I was older. But when the opportunity arose I ended up taking it, as I’d say 99.9 percent of other kids probably would.
Now, let’s say you are in this 0.1 percent, can your parents really be blamed for not wanting to risk it on a 1/1000 chance that you don’t do something. And worse, maybe do it wrong and get your girlfriend pregnant. (Which we actually did once) . I was also ‘not a typical kid’ in every way and was always told how mature I was, to the point I rarely fit in with my own peer group, yet I still did it.
So unfortunately, coming from someone who was furious whilst in the same situation, my parents were right about me. Even if your parents aren’t right about you, parents have to make calculated decisions, and this one is the correct one based on what most kids are like, it’s truly impossible to judge what someone will do when you don’t supervise them.
nobody wants that ….shes pregnant and wants to keep it convo haha
Parents will always say that you’re trying to have sex. Because of 2 reasons 1. They don’t want you to ruin your life from the start, which rightly it would. & 2. It’s because that’s what they would have done if it was allowed with them. The main problem is they can’t guarantee it won’t happen & both under age but I believe if it did or an accusation was made the boy would cope a SA charge
Dude come on. When I was 14 there was no chance my parents wound let my gf sleep over. I got caught having sex twice at that age.
14 is a weird in between age where the vast majority of kids who are “dating” are not having sex… but enough of them are so that parents need to be vigilant.
If you were a few years younger, depending on your social circle, your parents might have been OK with a mixed sex sleepover, but the whole puberty thing really throws a wrench in that sort of innocent fun.
The fact is, the majority of 14 year old girls CAN get pregnant and the majority of 14 year old boy CAN get someone pregnant. So it is not a risk most parents want to take. The stakes are too high.
Plus 14 year olds who DO have sex are less likely to be vigilant about pregnancy and disease prevention. And the younger you are when you first have sex, the more likely you are to have negative outcomes later on, such as abusive relationships, diseases, drug abuse, etc. So your parents are right to make sure it doesn’t happen.
Now it seems silly to you, because you aren’t even planning to have sex! But it is what it is, and so I suggest finding other ways of bonding with your girlfriend.
Your mother is just worried, that’s all. Two teenagers of the opposite sex spending a night together, anything could happen. As a parent, I’d be super concerned too if my teenage kid said they were having a sleepover with their SO. I think your mother’s reaction is normal and valid.
If you still want the sleepover try to compromise like, always have the door open, have the sleepover in the livingroom, have a groupnsleep over instead of just the two of you, etc. Things that make it so that your parents are confident that you’re not doing anything liek having sex
As much as I know this sucks for you, it’s actually awesome to hear parents being properly responsible for once!
Enjoy hanging out and do more fun stuff when you are ‘allowed’ to be together, and then you’ll appreciate the freedom more in a few years.
One day you will absolutely understand, but for now you’re allowed to be pissed off and a typical teen about it lol
My brother and his fifteen year old girlfriend had sleepovers. And my niece turns 17 this week! Lol
Unfortunately while I understand you guys may not be sexually active right now, it is still something parents worry about. Because believe it or not, they were your age at one point and know what you guys are thinking. They had the same thoughts and tried to pull the same things with their parents.
I wanna say I was in 7th or 8th grade by the time I had a classmate who got pregnant. They are just trying to protect you and your gf from becoming parents at a young age. If the both of you show you can respect your parents current rules and regulations when your gf comes over then I think they will be open to you eventually moving to a different room or with low parental supervision when she visits.
I don’t have any children yet but I can tell you that I wouldn’t let two 14 year olds hang out by themselves for this reason. Pregnancy can happen at any time- even if she is on birth control and it seems like kids these days are starting to have sex at a younger age. As a future parent, I would need to be close by. I could also tell you that I would never allow a sleepover with a significant other under the age of 20 in my house.