My husband passed away in February after over a decade in a sexless marriage. Recently, I reconnected with an old boyfriend. We had sex and have been texting.
Today, I was on the phone with my aunt and my mom asked to speak to her. I handed over my phone and went to the bathroom. When I came back, she was snooping through my texts. She then repeated things I had sexted. With complete disgust, shaming me like I’d done something dirty and disgraceful.
The kicker? This is the same woman who had multiple affairs during my childhood, including with married men and her bosses. I grew up watching her bring drama and secrets into our home, and now she’s acting like I’m some immoral monster. Just a year ago she was sleeping with a married man that lives in our neighborhood.
I’m a grown woman trying to navigate grief and loneliness, and she violated my privacy in the most humiliating way possible. Just needed to vent.
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Projection, plain and simple
Did you tell her what you just told us? That she did exactly what she is accusing you of, only worse? She needs to be held accountable for being so nasty to her own daughter WHO IS GRIEVING.
I wish my mom was still alive. Because I would tell her about this post, get your number, and she would insist to call you and pour the love over you like she did with every kid and hurting person she ever encountered. You deserve a better mom, you deserve peace and happiness, and frankly, all the old flame fun times you want.
I’m sorry for your loss, it’s not easy losing your spouse regardless of the state of the marriage. I’m happy you have found someone to lean into during your time of loneliness. Your mom needs to mind her own business, plain and simple.
May you enjoy the warmth from this man, and it helps you heal. That bitch your ‘mom’ is jealous and deserves that you pull away from her.
Damn, I’m sorry. As a fellow widow you have my sympathies that your mother disrespected your grieving and moving on by being a total hypocrite. I’m glad you let her have it!
I’d go completely radio silent. Anyone asks: “Apparently mom can’t handle that her fully grown, widow of a daughter has reconnected with an old friend and has engaged in adult activities. She had the audacity to snoop through my phone and shame me for personal correspondence, so I am taking a break from the hypocritical woman.”
What an awful woman. Who the hell would do that?! I’m so sorry. Hugs to you.
Have you listened to the podcast Thanks for Asking with Nora Mcinery? I’d recommend starting at the beginning where she shares her personal story. Her husband passed and she shares her own journey of grief. She talks about a lot of the societal judgment that gets thrown your way when you open up romantically again. She is so refreshingly authentic.
Ignore her