my mom’s boyfriend.

My mom’s boyfriend (who is also the father of my 3-year-old baby brother) has touched me in ways that make me deeply uncomfortable. Sometimes, he places his hand on the side of my waist, and other times he reaches my stomach. He has long arms, since he’s a tall man.

These things happen specifically when I’m sitting at the computer, busy playing games. He approaches me while I’m focused, and that’s when he touches me.

Every time he does this, he asks things like, “Are you mad at me?” or “Don’t you want it yet?” I don’t know what he means by the second question, but it sends shivers down my spine. I feel frozen, unable to move or respond—like I’ve swallowed my tongue. It’s happened many times.

Sometimes I manage to say, “No, I’m not mad at you,” but I say it with a blank expression while still feeling paralyzed inside. He keeps his hand on me and says, “I’m just cuddling you.” When I tell him, “I don’t want to,” he just repeats the same phrase, and his hand stays on me. He always does this when we’re alone—specifically when I’m downstairs playing games on the computer and my mom isn’t around.

Sometimes, he places his hand on my back or waist and says my mom and I are “the same.” From how he says it, I think he’s referring to our bodies—as if we look or feel alike physically. That kind of comment, combined with the touching, makes me feel even more disturbed and objectified.

For context, my mom has been with her boyfriend since I was 12 years old (I’m 19 now). When I was 13, I lived with my aunt for a year and returned to live with my mom when I was 14. Since then, I’ve lived with both of them. During the COVID-19 lockdown, we stayed at home and my mom got pregnant. That child is now my 3-year-old brother.

My mom and her boyfriend used to work at the same company, but she stopped working when she became pregnant. Since then, we’ve been financially dependent on her boyfriend. My mom can’t work because there’s no one to look after my baby brother, especially now that I’m going to college.

My relationship with my mom has been distant. Ever since she started dating him, I felt neglected—like she had less time or interest in me—so I slowly pulled away.

After the uncomfortable incidents with her boyfriend, I vented to my cousin, who’s like a big sister to me and someone I deeply trust. She’s experienced similar abuse from our aunt’s partner. She later told my other aunt (who sometimes helps us financially) about what happened (im fine with it), and eventually my mom found out.

When my mom and I finally talked, I shared what happened, although not in full detail. She gave me two options:

A: She would tell her boyfriend’s family what happened, which could lead to him returning to his parents’ house and potentially being beaten by his older brother.

or

B: I stay silent, because without him, we would be financially devastated. My mom has no job, and he covers our expenses—food, bills, house, and her loans.

I chose the second option. I was thinking about all of us—my mom, my baby brother, our survival. I thought: If he leaves, who will feed us? Who will pay the bills? Will we be homeless? Should I choose myself—or keep the family afloat?

Most of the time after those encounters, I cry myself to sleep. I feel like I’ve sacrificed my own safety and comfort for the sake of my mom. I’m not a perfect daughter, but I’ve wished countless times that my mom would stand up for me—that she would break herself free from this man for the sake of my protection.

In the end, I couldn’t choose myself. That moment made me feel like my mom couldn’t protect me. It hurt deeply and pushed me even further away from her.

All of these uncomfortable experiences started happening months after I turned 18.

(p.s. my mom is kinda narcissistic and i was scared that if i confessed to her first, she would just say it’s my fault. so she’s not the first person i talked to about it.

also, after the choice i made, i distanced myself with her bf for many months and he stopped as well. but in december 2024 or early 2025, it happened again but i js didn’t tell my mom abt it because she really can’t do anything about it. im tired.)