I (21F) has always been introverted, quiet and seen as odd while my mother is social and well liked.
Being the only daughter my mother made it clear she had a clear vision on who she wanted me to be, she was praised for her looks and fashion taste in her youth and had many suitors, even now she’s liked because even though she’s in her 50s she’s still well dressed compared to women her age. Meanwhile, I’m alternative especially with how I express myself, I don’t care that I wear colorful eyeshadow or funky clothes but my mom never liked it even when I toned it down around her. My mother is annoyed that I don’t wear clothes she think I should wear and constantly told me people who liked my makeup and style are doing so out of pity and cannot fanthom tha any of it is genuine even though I made alot of friends because they like my style. It’s exhausting to be around my mother because I dont fit into stereotypical traditional and feminine woman archetype and i feel unseen when my mother make it out as if my flaw is because im different, part of me wish I was just like her and maybe she’ll like me more but when I tried it felt suffocating.
Comments
That’s because it is suffocating.
Your mother has just learned to live with it, in fact she’s probably lived within those guidelines her entire life, whether good or bad that was/is her armor & power.
The way you live your life, your existence, to her is probably at a certain level a denial of the way she has lived her entire life all while being her daughter, it probably frustrates her to no end, especially considering the type of friends she probably has made over the years considering the way she lives her life, wouldn’t be surprised if during the gossip of daughters she has been shamed for the way you live which will also taint the way she looks at you.
There’s nothing you can do that will ever make you good enough, because you were supposed to be her, but she doesn’t even like herself.