My husband and I have been married for almost a year. We’re Canadian born Indians but his parents are originally from India. We live in the side suite of his family’s house. Overall I have a great relationship with my husband, his dad, and brother. However my mother in law is something else. Any issues or arguments my husband and I have are typically because of her. I’ll provide some examples of things she does or says.
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Recently she has been trying to control my shower routine. With my work schedule, it works best for me to shower in the evening (unless obviously I workout or do gardening or something then I’ll also shower earlier). Since she prefers early showers, she seems to believe I should also do the same as her. I’m ok with suggestions however she has been on my case for a week and brings it up once or even several times in a day.
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My mil never gets my bil to do any chores or anything at all. She literally treats him as though he is a 5 year old child. However she is the opposite with my husband and gets him to do everything. Anytime he stands up for himself regarding this, she gets incredibly defensive questioning why my husband is “jealous” of his brother and claims “people” (referring to me) are poisoning his mind.
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The other day she told me that I should beshe wants me to be wearing makeup every single day and wearing only fancy dresses. I occasionally don’t mind dressing up but this is unrealistic. In the past she tried controlling how I do my hair and I set a boundary by telling her that what I do with my body is my choice. She became petty and passive aggressive with me for several days and complained to my husband that I am “so rude” to her. We eventually ended up speaking about it but she claims it’s not controlling and that she is helping me.
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One moment she can be the nicest most charming person you’ve ever met and the next moment she can switch into a totally different person especially if you don’t agree with what she wants. She has a big delusional idea that we are all going to purchase her big dream Barbie mansion house. For example, a few years ago when she brought it up, I had voiced that my husband and I are unsure if we want to live in a joint house and would prefer buying our own place. She became petty and passive aggressive for several days. She would hug my husband and act like a loving mom right in front of me but totally ignore me and act like I don’t exist. The next day when I wasn’t with them, he suggested that she hug me and she says “she doesn’t love me, she doesn’t want to buy a house with me.” Eventually we had a sit down talk with her and all she really cared about was how it is her “dream.”
These are just a few examples of MANY.
I know moving out would be best however for us it is financially difficult right now. Culturally we are expected to live with his parents in a joint house and I know if we moved out, she would threaten to kill herself, say hurtful things especially towards my husband, possibly threaten to disown us, etc.
I don’t know what to make of everything. I constantly feel stressed, overwhelmed, and confused by all of this. Would love to hear people’s thoughts on this or any advice.
Comments
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She is beyond ridiculous however the solution is very simple. You either ignore her comments outright or you just say discussed already and do as you please.
If your husband doesn’t have a backbone it doesn’t mean you too shouldn’t have one.
Stick up for yourself in that just do what you want and ignore her. Don’t let it upset you, any time she makes her stupid suggestions just think to yourself how hard it must be to be as crazy as her and smile.