I hadnt even said I would.
shes my carer who i totally rely on as im disabled and in an extreme and long mental health crisis for so long with it perpetually taking everything out of me just to continue on as is. i was narrowly interrupted from suicide back in january and since then have been on and off planning it or holding onto a fools hope. i was hoping to have a bit more time but i dont see how i can hold on that much longer. i dont know what the point of posting here is either i just think im doomed and wanted to vent. i dont know what else to say.
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That’s really scary and awful, are there any family members or social services you can call? I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Please be careful
please please please, both of you, reach out for help. i don’t know if there’s any family or friends, or maybe a therapist/psychiatrist who can help you. it seems really hard but you are important and loved. from your post history, your mom really seems to care about you but you’re both in a very bad state. stay alive for each other even if it feels impossible
I’m deeply saddened that you are going through this.
Maybe you and your Mom could go to online therapy together just to talk this out.
If my child was going to self exit life I would not want them to be alone and I would want to be there and help if that’s what was going to happen no matter what.
Talk this through so she’s not just deeply depressed and unwilling to carry on with or without you.
If you don’t mind, may I ask how old you are? I have so many feelings on this topic because I too have struggled with not carrying out my plan. I have always said if I were handicapped I definitely wouldn’t be here now because in my teenage angst, I would’ve ended it When you’re young. It’s hard to see how great life can be. But it absolutely can be an amazing life. If you constantly seek that you have to always push out the negative thoughts and overpower them with positive affirmations. You have to wake up every day with a sense of gratitude making a gratitude list helps just every day write three things that you’re grateful for beyond the very basic and grateful to be alive. I’m grateful for my family etc think about little kindnesses that you notice like someone hold the door open for you or I don’t know I just want to talk to you out of that headspace. If I would’ve had a mother say something like that to me I think I would do it. I had a friend whose boyfriend talked her into killing themselves together, they both had a gun and they were supposed to do it on three and she had a feeling that he wasn’t going to so she hesitated and he didn’t pull the trigger like he was supposed to he just wanted her to be dead. I want you to seriously think about the possible outcomes that could happen from calling CPS. an older teen, especially disabled, you might end up in foster care until you’re 18 which will definitely make you want to kill yourself. They will put you in the psych ward and that place will also make you want to kill yourself even more. It’s awful and if you don’t have anyone to pick you up, you stay there it’s fucked. Oh wait I see you said mum. You’re probably in the UK so I don’t know really how CPS works there, but I really want you to exhaust all your resources in trying to find happiness. I want you to chase it like it’s everything to you. It’s easy to focus on the negative, it’s difficult to calm out of it, but not impossible. You are worth it. You have a purpose think about what you feel passionately about and focus on your education so that you don’t have to struggle in this world. I truly hope you find peace and I hope at least some of this is helpful to you.
You seem in a very bad place as and I’m sorry about that. Perhaps you should pursue inpatient treatment to deal with your self harming thoughts. Your mom is not the one who can fix that and I imagine it has sucked the life out of her trying to keep you alive.
Tell someone. Anyone. Call 911. Your mom is a danger to both you and herself.
Can you call adult protective services and tell them your carer is trying to talk you into suicide?