We started at a new jobsite (sorry but I have to be vague about the location) doing all of the demo and electrical work for a super cool building. It’s onsite with something preexisting we are adding to that has a full staff that ranges from super high honchos for the country to locals.
There’s a guy I met (mid 30s?) that I will continue to come across that has a pretty solid stutter. He’s very friendly and is fun to chat with but his disability is very obvious. There have been a number of times that we are bullshitting and he gets tripped up on words. Not his fault. Not something I’m judging. But I am kind of at a point where I’m not sure when I should let him stutter through or if I know contextually what he’s trying to say if I just answer so he doesn’t have to fight it.
Do I just assume his next word and answer? Do I let him shudder through to “work it out?” Do I acknowledge it at all?
I’m having a hard time with this one because I don’t want to offend him and don’t know if “prompting” him is the better route or if it’s something that’s best left to have him sort through before I answer.
Please don’t make me feel like an asshole because I genuinely want to keep his feelings in mind.
Comments
Don’t prompt him. Don’t interrupt him. Just let him do his thing and be patient.
Nah, just let him talk. Dont interrupt him when speaking.
Wait for him to finish.
As someone who used to stutter, I always wanted to punch (I never did!) the person who finished my sentences. Just use your patience.
My older brother stuttered pretty badly. Just be calm and patient and allow him to finish whatever it is he’s saying.
If you seem impatient it can build up his anxiety and make the stuttering even worse.
Wait for him to finish. Interrupting people is rude, even if you already know what the person is trying to say. Dude’s already struggling enough as it is.
I knew a stutterer.
One, have patience. Wait for them to finish, then ask questions.
Or, communicate via computer / paper. Carry a small note pad, and bust it out.
I stutter occasionally and it’s so much harder when people try to “help” me. Even if they’re anywhere close to the correct word (which they’re usually not) having it handed to me mid-thought throws me for a loop.
I have a very serious one as well. I usually don’t have a problem with people trying to finish my sentences as long as a) I know them (friends/cowowkers, NOT strangers) and b) it’s not excessive (more than once per convo)
My friends and gf usually have a good idea of how I’ll finish my sentence and they usually get it right about 90% of the time so I don’t really have a problem with them interrupting me.
To be honest, just ask him. Everyone has different preferences. Some days I love it when people finish my sentences because I just can’t seem to get the word out no matter what and it really helps on those days. Other days I mind it a little bit more.
It’s a good thing that you’re being considerate of this, I wish more people were like you. You’re a good dude
If you have a good relationship with him, ask him how he would like to be treated. Chances are he will want you to let him finish, but then he knows you’re showing him courtesy every time you do. Or maybe he’s like, nah help a brother out and keep the flow going.
He’ll feel way more seen and cared about if you let him finish on his own. Nobody wants him to spit out whatever he’s saying more than he does
I’ve not seen it mentioned but there’s something to be said about you going out of your way to find an answer to this question.
There are surely a hefty amount of people in this world that just wouldn’t give a fuck and do whatever they wanted so props to you for reaching out for a solution.
Super cool of you to figure out the best way to proceed, for his benefit. It’s thoughtful and appreciated.
If you continue chatting with him, if it goes farther and you becoming friends that hang out outside of the job-site, you should definitely ask him how he feels about it. Don’t ask if it’s okay for you to finish his sentences, but how he feels when/if other people do it.
Thanks for being a good human being!
You should develop a stutter in solidarity.
Just be patient and give him as much time as he needs to speak.
As a speech language pathologist who has worked with people who stutter, I can tell you that almost all of them do not want to have their sentences finished.
I developed a stutter after a stroke. I’d rather get myself through it most of the time than have someone finish it for me. Not to be self contradicting, but my good friends are OK to do so because it pisses me off so badly to get stuck. To make it worse when I had the stroke I was a server/BT/MGR so I had to talk all the damn time!
Get a load of this asshole!
Context: I am 54 years old and have been a serious stutterer all of my life.
I guess I am the unusual one here, if you tell me you understand what I mean before I can get manage to say it, I’m all for it. I’m not one that enjoys being humiliated word floundering in front of others. I am in a conversation to convey thoughts and ideas. I see it as people trying to help me and accept it as such.
Now if I’m trying to talk to you and you’re spouting out words like you’re in a timed charades game, we’re gonna have problems. If it’s a word or so to help finish my sentence, go for it.
Be patient, don’t guess or suggest, don’t interrupt him, and don’t let others interrupt him either.
Also, you could ask / confirm what he would like you to do when he stutters, and how he’d like you to address others if they do something rude.
As somebody with a stutter myself I have mixed feelings about doing this. On one hand it can feel good to have somebody finish my sentence so I can get attention away from me but on the other sometimes it feels annoying that people try to talk for me.
Maybe try it out and see how he reacts it.
It really depends, I have had people “finish my sentence” for me and then let me continue and it was much better than them not saying anything, because otherwis I get stuck on a word for awhile without help. But unless you are good friends / know that you can get them unstuck, just let them stutter / restart there sentence.
Worked with a guy who had a stutter. Just let him speak, listening closely so you don’t miss his words. Sometimes, just knowing someone is safe can alleviate some stuttering symptoms.
Sounds like you’ve been handling it perfectly! Maintain the status quo!
If someone is like hey pass me the.. and is pointjng at it, just pass it, you don have to wait for them to struggle through. If you get it, it’s cool. But don’t take stabs like it’s a game, pepsi? sprite? Vorkasse? Also it can vary by person.
You seem to be patient and non judgemental, and that’s the meat of it.
I have a colleague who stutters. Best way to go about it is let them finish and be unfazed, kind of just normalise it.
We work in healthcare so I guess it is assumed you dont look at other people weird under any circumstance.
Let him finish.
In general, you should let them finish on their own. If you become good enough friends to have a conversation about what helps him best, then ask and do as he says. But I also suspect that if you become friends, the stutter won’t happen as frequently because his whole body will be a bit calmer due to not being on edge around a “stranger”.
There is a student at my school who stutters pretty badly. When he is just talking to me and there is no pressure, he does much better and doesn’t have a noticeable (to me) stutter. But if he has to come up to me to ask a question on the playground or somewhere that we haven’t been interacting, he stutters really badly. So the familiarity and comfort level for him to talk makes a difference. This is a single example from my life that may not be consistent with others, though.
hi! i have a stutter! please please please do not finish our sentence or even acknowledge it, just wait for him to finish
Thank you for being a considerate human being who cares about improving his co-worker’s experience on the job with you. You are not an asshole, you are trying to do right by this guy, acknowledging your gaps in knowledge, and asking kind questions. I see you, I see your action, and it is thoughtful and caring.
This might be an unpopular suggestion, and certainly it is based on no expertise, but have you considered being super authentic about it and straight-up asking him what is a good fit for him? Maybe he has a preference, but no one has ever asked him to articulate it, let alone used their own behavior to support it?
I’m thinking about this guy kinda like my grief-stricken friends. I want to support them after life-changing losses, but I don’t know whether keeping the memory alive is best or preoccupying them with something to take their mind off what they’ve lost. So I just ask them what they need, reassuring them that no matter what, they have it from me.
The idea of this radical honesty freaks some people out, but I’d rather be shameless in my effort to best support them than shitty at it because I didn’t ask.
Maybe just ask him his preference? Tell us how it works out~