My boyfriend and I have been living with his mom, my mother in law, for quite awhile now. His father passed away a few years ago and over this past year my MIL has been dating a lot. I’m the past she has been known to just bring strangers over without our permission and crossing boundaries. The last time we did it she claimed that her other son that doesn’t even live here gave her permission to bring someone over. We told her that she crossed a boundary and we can’t just be be having strangers in our home for everyone’s safety. At this point she didn’t even know the guy for very long, maybe a month they had been dating. She understood and the next day that relationship ended, the guy did not like that my boyfriend kicked him out of the house. She is with another guy now and they have been together for about 6 months now. We told her we need to see some commitment (at least 6 months) and we would prefer to meet him in public for our first meeting so we can escape if we feel uncomfortable and so we can gain some trust on who this person is. Over the past 6 months she has been really pushing him to come over to our house and I keep on reiterating the same thing. Yesterday he got into a motorcycle accident and we have a family dinner today. Last night she was really worried about him so I told her hey if you need to cancel family dinner I’m sure everyone will understand, it’s no biggy. She then asks if he is able to come over tonight. I told her once again no, I think the circumstances are not good and once again, we would prefer a public place at least for the first meeting. I’m sure this man has got to be sore anyhow, I wouldn’t want to move after a broken arm and clavicle. She didn’t have any resistance but I still feel guilty telling her no. At the same time I firmly believe that there are some terrible people out there and there’s always a risk of inviting him in and he robs us or even worse does something to her. My boyfriend and I feel the same way about the situation but I just feel bad. Another question, after we meet him in a public setting, depending on how it goes, how soon should we invite him into our home?
Comments
Quick Rule Reminders:
OP’s needs come first, avoid dramamongering, respect the flair, and don’t be an asshole. If your only advice is to jump straight to NC or divorce, your comment may be subject to removal at moderator discretion.
^(Full Rules) ^(|) ^(Acronym Index) ^(|) ^(Flair Guide)^(|) ^(Report PM Trolls)
Resources: ^(In Crisis?) ^(|) ^(Tips for Protecting Yourself) ^(|) ^(Our Book List) ^(|) ^(Our Wiki)
Welcome to /r/JUSTNOMIL!
I’m botinlaw. I help people follow your posts!
^(To be notified as soon as Glorax420 posts an update) [^click ^here.](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=botinlaw&subject=Subscribe&message=Subscribe Glorax420 JUSTNOMIL) ^(|) ^(For help managing your subscriptions,) ^(click here.)
^(I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please) ^(contact the moderators of this subreddit) ^(if you have any questions or concerns.)
Sounds like MIL needs to get her own place.
It sounds like you are treating her like a child, not a roommate. Do you have equal say in the home (everyone knows the lease) or is she living with you. You say you’re living with her. If it’s her house, she should not need permission to have guests over.
Don’t let someone live with you if you’re going to police their social life like this. Don’t let someone live with you who you feel like they would ever bring questionable people into your home. If I had a roommate, they can bring over who they’d like. I could voice my concern if I thought they were trouble but it’s their house too. I agree with the person who said it sounds like you’re treating her like a child.
Who moved in with who? If you moved into her house, then she doesn’t need your permission to bring over anymore.
How ever if she moved in with you guys, then yes, she would.