Just like the title says. This weekend, after zero promoting, my nmom asked outright when I would be giving her grandkids. And I’ll be honest, the urge to snap did have a bit of a ramp up.
It really hit me how ever since the second I’ve gotten married it’s always been about HER getting grandkids. How my marriage affected HER how SHE was gaining a son and how great of an idea SHE had about having a micro wedding. (It wasn’t, she wanted a $10K disaster and when it came out better than she thought because I planned it, she switched gears.)
First off, my husband and I haven’t even been married for a year and I’ve actively said I want us to enjoy being alone together before we had kids.
But second, I realized that she’s already centering herself in my life achievements AGAIN. This isn’t new to me but I realized that she didn’t want a grandkid as an addition to the family, someone extra to watch grow and learn and develop, she wants another damn prop. Some thing she can brag about and post about and use to show up people.
I live 3 hours away from her since she chose to move away from our area (thank God). So if we have a kid, it’ll be all on me and my husband.
She doesn’t give 2 shits how it will affect my life, my finances, my career, my health and the relationship between me and my husband. She wants her shiny new prop god dammit, get on it. In fact, I don’t ever think she’s EVER asked my opinions on motherhood or if I event want kids. She’s just outright demanding this.
But also, she’s got her head so far up tRump’s ass and is one of his biggest cheerleaders, she doesn’t even realize she’s contributed to a future that would be terrible for her future grandchild. She’s got Faux news on 24/7 so any negative impacts of his dumbass isn’t even getting to her.
Who cares if this new life -who didn’t ask to be here- might not have access to clean water, clean air, education, food, human rights or healthcare or a future outside of wage slavery. Our family hasn’t had a baby since she had my sister a whole 10 years ago!
Idk how the rest of you are coping. I’m shocked I managed to hold it together after sitting through a church service surrounded by hypocrites singing about God’s love and mercy while cheering for an abusive dictator from the pulpit a few months ago when I last joined her.
I’m ready to go NC but she’s got so many flying monkeys I just have to keep getting away with LC.
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Hello hug. I am sorry you have this in your life.
Are you familiar with grey rocking? It might help.
Maybe bring her a doll with some clothes. That is all they want grandkids for anyway lol.
I could have written this exact thing. My nmom didn’t care how young I was, how poor, etc, I was her baby making machine because she wanted those prizes. I had three, and couldn’t imagine life without them, but I could have stopped at one and been just fine. My sister had one, and when she decided to get her tubes tied because she was afraid she’d have an “oopsie” baby, my mom was so livid she refused to take her or pick her up from the procedure.
Flash forward to my oldest daughter having a child. Her (F33) and my SIL(M35) waited a year after marrying before trying. They had their first and maybe only child last year, beautiful little boy who is an absolute joy. My nmom actually said when she was pregnant “if she only has one, I hope it’s a girl”. Well I was thrilled she had a boy, and told my nmom that in the current political environment I wouldn’t wish a little girl on anyone.
My son has no plans to have any kids, my youngest is only 25 and said “maybe someday” and my niece is 28 and getting her tubes tied. She doesn’t want kids. My nmom is pissed. She just wants her “trophies” to show off.
I am also LC. Occasional texts are about all I can stomach anymore.
Ages ago, when my husband and I had eloped because my nmom would just NOT back off taking over our wedding planning, she literally called me the day after our elopement and was all “so when can we expect the grandchildren?”
We ended up making them wait 4 years. At least during my kids’ infancies, I literally thought to myself, “oh she’s better.” And as you can probably guess, she was not in fact better. It was just a temporary reprieve.
I’m so sorry she’s that awful. I have to say it sucks that you’re pummeled by flying monkeys! Emotional blackmail and being forced to have a relationship to keep assholes from attacking you, what the hell kind of relationship is that? They have you basically at knife point. I hope you find a way to fend them off and find your peace. She won’t stop until she swallows you whole.
Last time my mom bugged me about giving her grandkids, I said I would when she would give me the money to help raise them. I haven’t hear about it for about 15 years.